Nurtured Offense

I was so excited to leave 2017. Sledgehammer it. Done.

It was the year I became aware of the addiction to offense.

Look at our nation, our American church, our workplaces, our families...we seem to be passionately in love with our offenses. In fact, it seems we have loved our offenses so much that we actually nurture them rather than work through them. We have an affinity for "sides" instead of communicating towards solutions. We prefer devaluing others who we perceive as the enemy instead of standing on a virtue of honor. To suggest anything different is viewed as ignorance or any kind of "-ism" that completes our judgmental picture.

Sigh.

Don't get me wrong. It's not about never being offended. That would be quite unrealistic! Pain and suffering happen in this life. Wounds are real...those we inflict and those we receive. But we forget our most fundamental human gift...free will. Our options aren't limited in the face of offense.

All too often...and in the last year I've been very convicted of our life orientation towards it...we surrender our options to a consistent reaction of offense. And in so doing, we become "owned"...

I realize that saying we are "owned" can be offensive (ironically), but the truth is we need to see our propensity to be constantly offended for what it is. In the face of a hurt or insult, we form a judgment, and that judgment sets us on a track of nurturing and babying a cancer of the heart. It's the truth of what it is.

The implications of such a decision are devastating.

First, we live in a state of unhealed hurt, ungrieved loss, and unmanaged anger. From there we become ruled by "my perception is reality" with its knee-jerk assessments instead of allowing ourselves access to wisdom and insight. Third, we can become vulnerable to even more agreements like a victim mentality, a need to control, or an authorization to be judge and jury. What's worse is that we can even permit ourselves to sin in response to our perception of another's sin. In so doing, we allow ourselves gossip, slander, violence, division, or pride because we feel it is justified in comparison to the greatness of someone else's sin. Eek. And lastly, we can become satisfied with compromised relationship as shown in withdrawal and isolation, but all the while not understand that we are actually shackled to the one we judge. A prisoner via nurtured offense of our enemy.

All of those implications create destructive realities. Ones in which we are both vulnerable and incredibly dangerous. We can very much hinder our own destiny in dreaming God's dreams and partnering with Him for good. With nurtured offense, we will dream fear's dreams or rage's dreams...sigh. The world doesn't need more of that!

How we aren't devastated by this is beyond me. It's absolutely heart-breaking!!!

Oh how we need to be wrecked over it. In our efforts to defend our own pain, we've become destructive.

God gives us beautiful free will though. We aren't limited to the one option offense!!! We have choice...choice to not be owned by our pain, but to acknowledge the hurt and allow it to heal. We have the choice to forgive and no longer be a prisoner to the one we despise. We have the choice to have healthy boundaries without the millstones of bitterness and resentment. We have the choice to confront issues without robbing others of value. We have the choice to stand for solutions instead of sides.

It's not easy to do, but if we actually get in the game for our hearts, it's beyond worth it. And what's more is that the gift of free will isn't the grandest of God's gifts to humanity. Jesus and what He accomplished through His death and resurrection...the last stand He made in the face of eternity's worst offenses...actually empowers us to discover that healing is a reality purchased for us.

We need to do it. Oh, please God...help us do it.

A Miracle For Me

I received a miracle yesterday. If you knew about the situation, you'd see it as such too.

I've been involved in a icky situation with misunderstanding and division. Some casualties along the way. I've been trying to be faithful in prayer and in handling my own offense. It's been a tough journey. Well, yesterday I received contact asking for forgiveness and reconciliation.

Hallelujah!! Yes...I managed to dance and bawl at the same time.

God is always up to something. His work of restoration. There can be tough stuff in that process...and lots of time...but letting Him have control is the way to go.

So as of today, I don't know where the process will end, but restored relationship is an awesome start.  :)

A Culture of Restoration

I have been thinking about culture lately. Culture in a kingdom sense. I've been looking at some of my ways of thinking and the actions that have come out of that. I've been looking at the kind of family values that Kevin and I want to promote. I've been thinking about our church and who we have been and want to become.

I've been SO blessed to think back. Profound "stands", mistakes made, lessons learned, victories realized, community deepened. God is and has been so wonderfully good and faithful.

So, what is my "culture"???

Restoration.

I was working on my computer the other day and saw something online about computer repair. It talked about the difference between recovery and restoration. "Recovering files typically refers to salvaging one or more files, while a restore usually refers to replacing a complete system or hard drive from a full system backup." So basically, if you have a file that's messed up or lost, you "recover", and if you have a system that is operating outside of design or purpose, you "restore". 

When I read that, I was struck with a distinctive applicable to the kind of kingdom culture I love: recovery is an aspect of a larger, "whole person", restorative process that aims to align with a beautiful original design. The process is real for every person, and our dedication to it is heavily influenced by our view of grace. 

Growing up, I was accustomed to a view of grace that seemed to have accepted a view of humanity framed by "original sin". And while it is true that we all have fallen short and are profoundly broken, I've found that grace is so much more than "undeserved favor". In fact, that perspective validates a process of becoming that tries to manage brokenness or negative behavior. It frames a person in terms of who they've been in their fallenness. It can limit a recovery need to a correction of habits and even limit the larger possibility of restoration. (Likely, restoration itself is an unrealistic expectation, making recovering the focus and highest hope for this life.) Unfortunately, this fails to offer complete healing and freedom. 

The true definition of grace is much grander, I'm discovering. As a result, the journey to true, unshackled humanity is marked by investment beyond our wildest dreams. Graham Cooke said recently, "Grace is the empowering presence of God that enables you to become who He sees when He looks at you.". His rationale is that scripture says that Jesus "grew in grace", so the concept has to be much broader than sin for Jesus did not sin. I AGREE! That larger notion reframes our approach to our development or "becoming" by setting us in the light of "origin glory". It sets us in a larger process of aligning with God's vision of us. It means we can really believe that God can and wants to breathe His breath of life on every aspect of our being. AND...it means we can believe and own that God has a "new day" for us all as we join Him in that restorative process.

So recovery...it's not the point. It's a chapter along the way for all of us in various forms. But it's more of a "file" adjustment in a larger, hopeful "system reboot". It can focus on habits and accountability, but it is a part of a grander journey to healing and wholeness.

Restoration...It doesn't mean that life is easy...but it means that even in the hurt, the pain, the confrontation, the challenges...THERE IS HOPE and honor and value and victory. For me, it's worth fighting for and worth doing together. Culture.