Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
here's a link from the discovery channel's "space" people that a friend posted today on facebook.
my personal favs would have to be #'s 7-10. how there's no logical reason for planets to coexist amongst stars. how the recipe for life itself...the leaps from basic elements to organisms...are a complete mystery. how the pre-cursors to the birth of our universe are virtually unexplainable...
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
you would not believe the number of times i encounter people who seemingly view my single status as...a flaw...or unfortunate circumstance. no, they don't say it outright. but their unease with what to talk to me about (because i don't have children to prattle on about) and subsequent focus on how to find me a man...it's really weird. and i, of course, would gladly talk about someone else's kids and all that...it's not me that it makes uncomfortable.
i guess it makes me wonder...shouldn't it be a concern when conversation for a person can only revolve around parenting? where's the "you" of YOU as opposed to the "do" of YOU?
and believe me...i'm not out desperately searching to "find a man". my man...and i know he's out there somewhere...will find me. when god says the time is right. in fact, the "worst" life for me is no longer "being single". nooooo, the worst would be living as if there is no life without a man. wow...god really helped me with that one. me being romanced by the romancer for the rest of my life...is certainly not the worst thing. so, i'm just living with an open heart in the meantime. and what will be...will be. thing is...puts me in a place of wanting to really share my life with a man someday...rather than get my life from him. interesting.
the other frustrating thing...and i get the boundaries of it sometimes, i guess...is how some people cannot be friends with me (the single gal) because it might not look right to others. it just is...well, what am i supposed to think of that? granted, i get the balance...believe me, i've dealt with a little bit of loonie on that one...but why does the extreme wacko situation have to necessitate absolute boundaries for some?...especially when it actually could be healthy? there are single gals out there that respect what marriage means...and who are not out to steal someone's man or woman. it just seems a little legalistic is all. very odd.
so...welcome to a moment in the life of a singleton.
these woes, by the way, do not rob me of my joy. heck no! they just make it a little irritating from time to time...:) and also make me so greatful for my married friends who are real people who can share their real lives (and even their lives with their kids) with a girl who is single but not lacking...;)
Monday, December 22, 2008
it's so disgusting to me how much american dollars contribute to the sex trade. and in a round-about way, even seeing our culture's abuse of sexuality in magazines, movies, and internet sites...do we actually encourage this abuse in some way?
i just don't want these people to be forgotten...
Saturday, December 20, 2008
a couple of things about the movie...
one...it's a beautiful redemptive story. a lost man finds his way back to his heart.
two...it's a great picture of the distinction between 'religion' and 'faith'. not all 'christians' are the same...oh, to part company with the legalists...
three...it's an amazingly terrible picture of what pride can do...
so, anyway, a must rent...
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
i tend to like fruity scents more than floral or "natural". however, one of the side effects is the following struggle...one that i've learned to live with. ;)
due to a strange propensity of mine, i tend to want to touch and taste cool things i see or smell. (yes, i know...but oh well). so for those that may have the same "calling", love spell does NOT taste as good as it smells. in fact, it's awful.
i've tried it several times just in case it changes...don't ask.
you know the rejection grid through which some people view all of life? the lens of "everything you say or do or don't say or don't do is really you rejecting me!"...IT DRIVES ME FREAKIN' INSANE!
there's not one thing, aside from prayer, that you can do to argue with it or convince it otherwise. it's demise only hinges on the person choosing to lay it down and risk that loved ones are NOT doing what is assumed.
and i'm at my wits end!!
i wrestle with how to give love WITHOUT entertaining the manipulation of it all. because that is NOT ok!! and i struggle with holding my tongue...huge flammability potential...and choosing the right words.
i know it seems insensitive to point it out...i do totally understand that there is deep pain underneath that method of life survival...it's just that i have no idea how to do healthy life when someone's got that grid. only their healing...which most people try to avoid...will be their rescue.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
i seriously can't wait for the day when this doesn't have to be true anymore. can you even imagine?
we weren't designed for a life where "guarding the heart" was even necessary. in eden...walking in the fulfilling intimacy and security of the trinity. true wholeness and holiness...living OUT LOUD.
but the broken world today...and our battles to walk out of our fallenness...well, an entire host of enemies, idols, and security blankets crouch, ready to pounce, or even flagrantly offer themselves as the candy for the soul.
and so, we must protect the most valuable creation...the human heart.
i'm not one for the "guarding" that is totally based on fear...that's not protection. that's insulation, isolation, cowardice.
no, i'm referring to the caution that comes from "guarding" that's motivated by wisdom.
but right now, i'm a little frustrated with said "guarding". an area where i'd love to be unrestrained some day. free to be and free to love.
i feel the weight of responsibility in guarding myself...there's actually real life in my heart now that i can give. and i own the charge to watch over the other hearts involved...but i just long to be...unguarded someday.
i mean, i can see the floundering in the social department during the awkward youth years...which, by the way, we assume they'll figure out as they wrestle through the pungent body odor, key boundaries of personal space, and the "me, me, me"...but in "mature" adults??? oh dear.
i have no response...
nor do i know what to do about it...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
this is deanna troi from the tv series "star trek: next generation". oh my goodness, i used to LOVE this show and this character! deanna is half-human/half-alien. her alien side gives her the ability to sense the feelings of others, which actually ends up being helpful in situations as words or appearances don't always give the full story.
here's why i like her so much...her character represented the value of the emotional side of life. her "gift" gave relevance to more than just the rational or intellectual perspective on matters. her presence was needed for the full picture in any given situation.
so here's what i've been realizing...i think i have a spiritual gift in this department.
when i was growing up, i would be struck with emotion sometimes that i could not identify as my own. sometimes i would actually feel it from specific people or situations. sometimes it was just an unidentifiable cloud. because i couldn't understand this, it became easier to just withdraw...or question my sanity, but as i learned more about god and his heart, i began feeling that perhaps this emotion was something more.
years later, i started to get more serious about prayer. on occasion, my eyes would just start watering. i wouldn't necessarily be sad at the moment it would start, but regardless, my eyes would just start leaking all over the place. a mentor told me later, as a half-joke, that i didn't have to be concerned with speaking in tongues because my prayers came out of my eyes. :) the funny thing is that even today i still don't speak in tongues or have a prayer language...mostly my eyes just water and twitch a little. yes, different mascara required. ;)
which brings us to the present...well, i've been practicing not being so resistant to the emotional nature that is "me". i've been trying to not hide in the rational (not a good fit all along), but instead just seeing where god takes me if i'm open to him.
and god gave me a wonderful blessing the other day...
i decided to take on a challenge of being one of the prayer support members for a men's retreat. i got together with a couple of other people during specific times to pray for the sessions, the leaders, and the hearts of the men involved. during one specific time, i started to feel that "sadness" that i mentioned above. i also got a sense of the particular individual that the sadness pertained to, and the words "boy pain".
so i met the symptoms with prayer. i asked for god to intervene and bring healing to this guy's heart in whatever the "boy pain" was about.
i left it at that.
a few days later, i felt like i should email the man to tell him what happened. i made sure he knew that i was new to this thing and could totally be off. he replied that he didn't know what it could pertain to, but that he would pray about it.
i left it at that. :)
well, here's the thing. god did something for him in the days that followed. i got to hear a little bit about it from him a few days ago...god was revealing himself to him...and revealing his "boy pain"...and was beginning to heal him.
i was so, so happy for him! still am! :)
and i was so, so thankful that god actually showed me how he could use that emotional sense if i was willing to trust him.
i'm telling you...the holy spirit is amazing!
in a conversation with my pastors on monday, i found out that this happens with others too! turns out that it's a different kind of discernment and very much a part of intercessory prayer.
so i'm massively excited!!! and now i'm out to learn more!! woo-hoo!!!
here's what i mean...
our true heart's story began in absolute glory and wonder. a perfect intimacy and adventure with the trinity. it was the fullest of life that we were designed for. but our story's villain, satan, began to hate god...and hate everything that god loved...and launched a war against the hearts of men and women...to rob god of everything that reflected his glory. our once mighty world became a broken place filled with pain, disease, abuse, passivity... but, because the trinity's love is full of such wondrous desire...god could not leave us stranded. under the cover of night, with the open heart of girl and the protection of her husband, god was able to sneak into the enemy's kingdom...as a baby.
it was the beginning of the end...an arrow shot towards victory.
so, here's the crazy hair-flinger's version of some christmas music. i hope it is as powerful for you...maybe crank it up. ;)
i had a student talk to me this morning about something "serious". in hushed tones, she told me that she was sure she was dying and wanted me to "tell her straight" if it was, in fact, true.
internally...HAHAHAHAHA! i was laughing hysterically, remembering this same terrified question to my mom when i too had the unfortunate "experience".
so, for the fearful or the fans of "too much information"...here's a note of ease.
for those that have ever or may ever experience this phenomenon...yes, a little embarrassing...you aren't dying. you've just ingested something with dye in it. a little "welch's" goes a long way...black licorice...ice cream or frosting with food coloring in it...or even lots of green veggies or excess iron.
awkwardly...i "googled it" to confirm.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
we've made it all about "clean-up".
largely, we present a message of repentance that is too narrow. we make it about forgiveness of sin (which is wonderful and beautiful)...but then we leave it there, which can make life about abstinence...not true freedom.
have we made it the equivalent of someone going to the doctor with a horrible limp? we diagnose it as something that's made a mess of things. we get it cleaned up and prescribe something to help keep the pain in check. it's good...certainly helps with the limp because now they can't always feel the shooting pain from the broken bone underneath the surface. but, my gosh! we don't want to simply numb the tension...WE WANT THE BROKEN PIECES SET IN PLACE. we want them to be restored to the way they were before the brokenness...
we forget that real restoration...which is god's full intent in the process of real and deep repentance..consists of 1) confession and forgiveness and 2) healing.
both are a part of god's plan in jesus to restore our hearts to eden.
that's the path to wholeness...
you know what is so amazing? stepping into that reality, while painful and messy, also turns into a wonderful journey of discovery. not only does god clean the wound, set the bones, answer the source of pain...he shows you how fast you can run...how high you can jump. it's full of so much wonder and delight...and true intimacy.
he shows you who he is. he shows you who you REALLY are.
life becomes about true living...not maintaining.
and all along the way, it blooms into holiness. you begin to love it. you begin to nurture it. you begin to call it out. and it's so wonderful because it's true holiness...not religion. it's the great dance...not the shameful hiding.
man, sometimes i wish christ would return so we can really get to it.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
she's been carrying a bar of soap in her pocket and sleeping with one under her bottom sheet at the foot of her bed. she prefers 'zest' in a ziplock. :) OH!...but not dial or dove, by the way. apparently, they have too much moisturizer in it.
another positive???...i smell really...clean.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
i have to admit that it just makes my heart sing...that God is the lover and romancer of my heart. he paints it on the sunrise, he whispers it in my ear before i open my eyes, and today he sang it through this song.
i'll never understand why, yet at the same time, i will never regret saying "yes" to his invitation to dance.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
kicks and giggles, i have to say.
well, one of those people in my life was talking about 'unbelief' within our faith. she felt that a major issue feeding the weak christianity of our culture...a faith that is still very self-focused and independent of god and each other...is that western christians, while knowing a great deal about certain propositional truths, have no relational understanding of our powerful god. in essence, many christians place god into a well-defined box that is far, far too small and instead live outside of the intimate experience of our awesome, mighty god.
how can a person live powerfully...expect powerfully...hope powerfully...believe powerfully...if they do not believe in the living power of their god?
well, i've included some links (because i'm a youtube maniac). this is a great speaker named louis giglio. he travels with chris tomlin, matt redman and david crowder for the passion conferences. he loves science, and allows science to reveal the greatness of god. but don't worry...if you aren't a science buff, he's still pretty interesting.
the first time i heard him, i thought to myself that i was so small. the second time, i was so amazed that god was so BIG! hahaha...it actually made me question if i was being too much of a wuss in the way i lived my life.
so here goes...each is 10 minutes...enjoy!
today, a student of mine was researching at a computer. a female student came up and asked me to look at him some time because he was a little "disturbing". so i meandered over to find this young man with two blood lines across his cheeks!...EWWW! so...trying to remain calm...i asked him what in the world he was doing with blood all over his face...ON PURPOSE!!!
now mind you...my 7th grade boys are actually a pretty innocent group. they are bundles of delight and adventure in my book. energy-o-rama, for sure...but it's a blast usually.
well, this blood-dipped young man showed me a little cut on his knuckle that he had apparently been "milking" for his painting extravaganza. and then he explained...he just felt like being a warrior.
and so i had to do the customary explanation regarding why we probably shouldn't have blood all over the place in a public setting...anti-bloodborn pathogens and all...but secretly can i just say that i hope he never loses his inner warrior.
boys, boys, boys...:)
Monday, December 1, 2008
i should preface this by saying that i'm not talking about the sense of lonliness that comes for a "people-person" who has a moment of "no people" or a person who has had to say 'goodbye' to a loved one. i'm talking about that something that most people fear in the deeper part of themselves...that thing we try to outrun...that void that we are trying to fill...the unanswered question that feeds our hungers...
you can see it all over the place...
*in this season when materialism rears it's ugly head more clearly.
*for the person who can't be home alone on a saturday night.
*for the gal that thinks there's something wrong with being single.
*for the guy that can't NOT work himself to death.
*for the person that has to have a critique about every single thing.
*for those that have to hide in a substance or a pizza or a shopping bag or a relationship.
*on and on and on...
that lonliness that we refuse to face makes us into oversized vacuums...
and that's not life...that's survival...
i wonder what we'd find if we took those moments when we sense the inner tension...to not run or feed or fill...but to stop and sit right in it. might be tough. might even be painful...but inviting god into that???...the lonliness becomes the most powerful opportunity to place real substance and security into that vacuous hole.
what if, what if, what if...
divine love in those places never degrades, never recedes, never decreases. it's the rest, the food and fill that we were designed for.