Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
so to that i resoundingly say..."thanks, parents! you sure make my day a lot tougher...and your kids' over all journey to adulthood a lot longer and more traumatic."
boundaries/discipline=GOOD! healthy sense of self and security, consciousness of others...good stuff.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
what it also means, at least from a professional perspective, is that i can't just be forthright when i'm frustrated. at least not publicly...tends to light all the wrong fires, you know?
so all in all...the first reason and the last...make me feel...trapped.
so...here's my plan. 1) appointment with god. 2) convo with daddie/momma/joy/jody. 3) dancing...and ice cream. :)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
one of my sisters and her hubby, who already have 3 boys, are now adding to the family! a boy and a girl! you know...i've always thought that it would be awesome for rommel to have a daughter. he's such an awesome guy!
so...the new adventure begins! yay god!
Friday, September 18, 2009
well, i've been catching up a bit because i become so busy with the start of the school year. this one has totally blessed my socks off. i love it because i get so perplexed by how polarized people get on "issues"...and totally justify belittling, hating, etc. their discussion offers some wonderful insight on conflict...especially in community.
here's the description.
How can we communicate with others our heart-felt passions, even political positions, without destroying our relationship with them? Recent comments about the health care debate in the States brought a host of responses from listeners, many of which wanted to divide up sides and diminish those that disagreed with them. The pretense of certainty and our desire to convince others how right we are actually destroys both relationship and dialog. Wayne and Brad talk about the community people most often seek, they actually subvert by these tactics. It is often true that those who scream the loudest are the least certain of their grasp on truth or freedom.
there are links to the podcasts on the bottom of the website. otherwise, it's also available for a free subscription on itunes. :)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
well, i've been watching some bio's on great thinkers...the "heroes" of some.
it is soooo interesting to me that while a person may be famous for a breakthrough theory, equation, philosophy, etc, their true story actually reveals that they were guilty of being...well...a bad human.
yet...their moment of excellence is what suddenly makes everything they say, everything they are "for" or "against" into miraculous gold nuggets.
it's just interesting that the rest of life is actually the undoing of the "hero"...if we look.
some wouldn't care...i'm actually relieved because it makes uber-people into simple, normal ones.
some would totally care...wouldn't want to even hear it. rocks the pedestal a bit too much...and all the "backing" for our thoughts on things along with it.
all this focus on the robbery aspect...but...i just feel like asking some other OBVIOUS questions.
getting it on in A DUMPSTER???? ok, yep...you had your wallet taken, etc...but you were HAVING SEX IN A DUMPSTER!!
there's so, so, sooooooo much wrong with that.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
it does, after all, come down to our authorization of it's release...or lack there of...
and i guess i'd rather be a vessel than a roadblock...
i have opinions on a lot of things. some strong...some not. i also don't have an opinion on a lot of things. could care less frankly.
the shocker???...not everyone agrees with me! hahaha!
the other shocker???...i actually know that! and i'm not too rocked by it. i'm cool having my opinions...and my entire identity is not rocked by disagreement.
the other OTHER shocker???...as i go and grow, i may actually change my thoughts on things and decide that i was wrong or not as deep as i could have been.
no WAY!...yes WAY!
not perfectly, of course, but better and better...i've actually been finding myself considering what nugget of goodness i can pull from all the varying opinions that fly by me. not that i have to agree...but that i can truthfully listen. doing so actually helps me to get a bigger picture...get outside myself...and even get a teensy snapshot of the real person rather than the glitz and glamour of all the philosophies, labels, groups, etc that we hide behind.
so lately...when people have to play their "i'm offended" card...i just don't get it. seems like a small way to live...sad.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
what ended up surfacing on this retreat weekend was a major cry of my heart...something that i know fuels much of my movement or lack thereof. see, i don't want to have my faith life be one of "mountain top" to "mountain top". i don't want to have these amazing experiences with god only to have to carry the memory of them through the valleys of this life. no, no, no...i want to walk with god. i want to have a moment-by-moment intimacy with him.
i need that to be true.
because i can't go through this life even one more day if it's not.
so.....on the last night of the retreat, we all went to this special dinner. chocolate fountains...yes, fountains plural!!!! :) and on one table there laid about 50 cards. each one was specially made and unique. no two were alike outside and in. we were asked to take a note that stood out to us and peak inside.
so i did. a simple purple note with some ribbon and sparkles inside.
and the moment i opened it...i slammed it shut. i saw a few of the words written inside and knew that if i read it right there, i'd be a mess.
so i waited until later.
and when i opened it...man, i was undone.
remember the first night when i had that song playing in my head? the one where i went outside to sway in the night? well, my note was a page from a book. messages from god to his princess. it talked about intimacy and his heart to get so lost in each other...and it ended with "come away with me..."
it was him the whole weekend...wooing me, calming me, giving me direction, and then giving me promise.
it was amazing!
Friday, September 11, 2009
my personal belief on our country's problems is that few are actually right about the answer. we took the road towards "independence" and ended up at the extreme...life at the expense of caring for our fellow man. people suffered because of it. and now we've over-corrected in pursuit of dependence on "pharoah" for all that's good for "me". flinging ourselves to the other end of the spectrum...still using the same "entitlement" fuel. sheesh!
now we listen to whomever tells us what we want to hear. de tocqueville's thoughts on "the public being bribed with the public's money" seem so accurate of late.
as for voting, i guess i've tended towards the conservative...at least that seems to be the trend. yet in that admission, i struggle to be identified with too much of the "conservative club" mentality...but must also admit that i find the "liberal club" to be just as distasteful.
no one knows their history anymore...and the irony is always soooo thick because of it.
i've loved the "stop picking on my prez" reaction by the libs. how ironic that there was no issue for them to do the same even a year ago. if we had a cent for each of the justifications, we'd be debt-free in no time. ;)
and the conservs going all "he's the antichrist" regarding the new big guy. libs thought g.w. was the big bad too remember...
for me, it's not ever one man that's the problem. it's the people that put him there. and those people are on all sides in my opinion.
sooooo...what to do? man, i don't know...nothing is going to poof away our problems. going through is the only way...but i guess how long we'll keep plodding with our eyes closed is yet to be determined. makes me think of the classic question in the 'matrix'...the red pill or the blue pill? embracing humility might be a good place to start. even if we are headed in an equally crazy direction, even if we have to constantly shut off the news stories of fear-ridden conservs given by cult-euphoria-hazed journalists, even if we end up where our worst fears think we are headed (on either side)...we can choose to live by the deeper truths...living out christ's heart in every moment.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
granted, there have been other years with major challenges, but year #1 was just horrible. not only was it a new job. it was the year that brought the deaths of both of my dear grandpas, my mom's cancer, the death of a board member, and the challenge of working with staff members that didn't want me there remotely. to say that it was a struggle is...HAHAHA...a major understatement.
each one of those in and of itself did a number on my heart, but, today, i'm remembering bob. he was the board member that passed away. an awful hunting accident...a total shock. he left behind a wife and two sweet little boys (kindergarten and 1st grade). even now, thinking about the loss they experienced makes my heart ache.
i literally knew bob for six months before his passing, but in that time i was so, so, so blessed with some profound and wonderful conversations with him as he expressed his heart for his sons, for christian education and for the future. i even had the good fortune of hearing about how much he admired his wife. :) in the months before his death his whole focus changed...bob was almost obsessed with the notion that life was really about christ...about knowing him. he began meeting with his priest weekly to talk about things he was reading in his bible...he was desperately hungry.
sometimes i wonder if he was experiencing his spirit being called home...
well, i had an interesting experience today. his oldest boy who is now a high schooler (!) came in to my office to work on homework after school. he was chatting with friends and finishing his math...having fun. after a bit, though, it became quiet...and then it happened. the son turned and asked me to tell him about my conversations with his dad.
OH MY GOSH!!!...what a HUGE privilege!
so, i did!!! man, did i ever!!!!
i told him about how much he wanted life with jesus, how much he loved his sons, how funny and quirky he was...and i got to hear even more stories from him about things his mom shared about bob too. (he actually read his bible all the way through FOUR TIMES in the months before his death!)
you know what??...i realized that even though we have to experience some tough things in this life...horrible hurts that leave so many questions...god has given us a gift in each other if we choose to not go through life alone. come what may, we can have the precious privilege of witnessing each other's lives...and becoming the keepers of the memories for those times when remembering is so necessary.
so...i'm thankful for the life of bob enos. i too needed a reminder of his passion...his godly hunger...and i was able to receive it from his son. what a privilege!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
one of my best friends has been experiencing a ton of drama. it's been very overwhelming, and i feel so bad about it. i keep praying that it can just be over soon...but at the same time, i want to swoop in and crack some skulls.
(yes, i know violence is not an option...that's why i blog, baby!...vent the rage, vent the rage!) :)
of course, EVERYONE has their opinions. and of course, all those opinions have been free to circulate everywhere OTHER than within the confines of a respectable disagreement between TWO parties. those words, obviously, make their way and do their damage. it's inappropriate, insulting...and quite the sham of any real insight or advice.
opinions???? i've got some opinions...ohhhhhhh, yes, i do... mine are safely shoved in my pocket, but i'm not opposed to whippin' them out if necessary. i've frankly had it.
what's that quote about a woman scorned?...hmm.
so i went to this retreat in this state of confusion...
well, during another quiet time i was able to experience more of god's reality in fear-ridden areas.
i guess it starts there...getting it out on the table. i've definitely been wrestling with some desires that i have...dreams and such. if i step out of trusting god, i get fearful. in fact, my fear actually stops me dead in my tracks from even moving ahead in pursuit of those dreams. instead, i sink into agreement with the enemy...and...just...stop.
so i got some stuff out on the table.
and then i listened.
rap, actually, was the music of choice. go figure!
and i allowed my imagination to help me "visually" pray.
here's what i saw...
a lady...of the renaissance sort...stepping out of a carriage, being led by a lord through doors, being presented, etc. beautiful dress. :) occasionally, she would express her strength. sometimes she would battle. but what she loved...what was her "base"...was that she and her lord had their place of "closed doors". it was a relationship that didn't just involve doing...there was a "being"...and a "being together". i think it allowed her to do the rest of her life.
well, suddenly i realized that the "lady" was me. :) then i was being led through another set of doors...and the lord turned. he said, "i don't use. i unleash."
and with a depth that only god's truth create in the places that desperately need to hear it...i believed.
i've been through this before...we've had a ton of parents come to drop off that special little person on that significant day. of course, there are tears...but it's always ok.
part of me has thought to myself, "come on! it's kindergarten! what are they going to do on the graduation day???".
word to the wise...DON'T EVER think crap like that!!!
little miss walked into school this morning with her mommie...and this auntie started to bawl.
what the heck???
yep, i actually had to go to my office to "calm" myself.
funny thing...my sis saw my eyeball leaking and immediately shouted "don't you cry!!!". if i did...she would. in talking to her later on, she actually thought my bawling helped her!!...haha!...because she got to be all "stop it and get away from me" to distract herself.
ohhhh ya...i'm so happy to help...AHHH!
if i actually have my own kids someday...i'm screwed!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
and of course, there's the 'rave' version too! :)
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
it's 'teacher workshop' this week. getting ready for the first day of school. holy shmoly though!! some of the teachers in the other department are super high maintenance...making every stinkin' thing a complete crisis! i'm almost to the point of smackdown...but i'll wait until my boss gives me the green light. ;)
the nice thing???...my secondary teachers are "roll with it" people for the most part. pheww!!!