Friday, October 31, 2008

Innate Value of Human Life

it's just too important for me...

why does the answer to our struggles have to be removal of the consequences?...what if it's an invitation for brave-hearted people to step in and support each other through whatever trials come? i've never understood it...never will.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Job's Encouragement

"For He knows the way that I take, and when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Interesting Invite...

do you ever wonder why god invites you into some of the opportunities he presents? especially the frustrating ones. well, i'm in one of those right now. didn't realize it until after i agreed to it actually...and it's pushing on some old wound buttons for sure.

my preference would be that the painful feelings would just be gone someday. and i suspect they will. it's just that i'd sometimes prefer the "fading into the moonlight" approach as opposed to the moments of intense burning.

i don't know...if you've ever had those moments where you've felt humiliated...well, and used, i should admit...the "getting over" is often harder than the "getting involved".

and then to have god issue an invitation into a cool opportunity...but also discover that those old memories and hot spots will be a part of the's just tough on the heart.

god is a good god. he's constantly inviting us into more of himself and true life. i'm guessing he's excited to offer more life to those hurt places. it's just a little daunting at the moment.


"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have."

Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

If you want me to...

this is for a friend of mine that's struggling right ya!

Saturday, October 18, 2008


so, today jen and i went geocaching again! there she is in the picture. :)

can i just say...I LOVE GEOCACHING! it's like a treasure hunt...a dose of adventure (just without the pot of gold on the other end). all in the journey, right? ;)

we found a really cool one today...out in the middle of NO WHERE! to be honest, though, i really enjoy the ones we have to forage through the woods to find. the cool one was actually strung up in a tree. if it hadn't been designed with a yellow drawstring, we would have walked right by. clever dude who hung that one...

this is me finding one that was hidden in a burnt out tree stump. one of my first solo finds!

along the way, we occasionally see some odd/cool things. this is a weird mushroom thing. we stumbled across an elderly couple going mushroom hunting with massive buckets out in the boons. there were some awesome local hiking trails with some sweet built-up walkways that we never knew about. we also ran across a man that had to live out of his truck...sad. oh...and did i mention the hunters? ya, we had to clear out of one cache because there was a sudden burst of gunshots right by us...ah, the adventure.

because jen's hubby thinks we don't forage enough...bound through the's proof. i picked a fight with a sticker bush...and lost. oh well...proof is in the the pants, i should say. ;)

oh my!...some caches are located in city parks. this is one where the darn cache is a "micro" which means it's probably the size of a match box. well, we thought it might be magnetically stuck to this i'm checking the underbelly of the beast. hahahaha! oh dear!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Being His...It Ain't Easy!

ok, well...i should clarify.

being his actually allows us to be quite settled and complete in the core of ourselves...the more we step towards him...the more we dance with him...the more we let him own our hearts.

the journey towards that can be VERY difficult as we untangle the "ties that bind"...but with our eyes on his, our load is lightened...we step more into who we really are.

being a disciple though...i guess that's more what i'm meaning...well, it isn't always an easy thing. ha...not exactly wrought with comfort. having to stand up for what's right, having to defend his passion for the heart...well, it often doesn't have the support or temporal rewards that we'd like. it can mean losing friends. it can mean standing alone. it can mean being persecuted. it can mean our own demise.

in our heart of hearts, we can absolutely rest in his hand, but the choice to be obedient to his way can have many external consequences.

i've had a couple of situations lately where the choice to be his disciple has caused some suffering. walking out a divinely broadened definition of love can definitely be met with hardship. but my cousin reminded me today of a conversation she had with a friend. the point was a reminder that being his has the scheme of his love, they are well worth it...but still, those costs can be full of pain.

and i'm reminded those costs are something he is well acquainted with. he fully knew what it would cost him to love me....dying on a cross...but really dying of trillions of broken hearts all at once. but he saw it to completion...had the last word...and let love be the beginning and end of the story.

so for me...rather than retreat into cowardice...which truthfully has far less drama, i'll run to him. in the deepest part of me, i'll sneak into his arms, hear his heartbeat, have my hope restored, find strength in him...and head back out.

Monday, October 13, 2008


there are people in our lives that weasle their way into our hearts. when something sad or challenging comes their way, our own hearts feel it in such a powerful way.

several years ago, my family had an exchange student. in the time he was here, he became like a little brother to me. what a special guy! however, it soon became clear that this was a guy who had no idea who he was...the man god had in mind for him to be. a wounded heart often has no clue of the wonderous identity and destiny...hope...that could be.

so, i've always prayed for him, hoped for him...kept him near in my heart.

well, i got some horribly sad news last week that he is not doing well. i mean really and sadly struggling. lost, lost, lost.

oh man, my heart is just broken for him.

unfortunately, further communication with family indicates that even though he's in a desperate place...he's not lost enough to return yet.

i'm so heartsick...i can't even describe it.

i wish there were more people who knew about drugs/alcohol and all the stuff that goes along with that prison for the heart. someone who knows how free the heart can be...what healing there is. someone who could speak to this guy's heart the way a man can. HA!...and one that'd get on a plane with me right now! i need someone like that...

but alas...why is it that my plans seem a little outlandish and...expensive?

so, i'm in that restless place of "having" to pray...*sigh*. i know in reality that's the best place to be for him...fight for him! why does it feel so small though??? probably just satan...

so, i'd get on a plane myself if i the meantime, if anyone can, could you please pray for my little lost brother? he needs to find peace...and stop running.

Friday, October 10, 2008


well, i'm blogging from the roof of the school. it's about 11:30pm and it's a beautiful night. the reason i know that is because i can occasionally peak out of my winter bag and catch a glimpse of the night sky. yes, a wee bit chilly!

we are also projecting a movie on the wall of the second tier. 'hitch' is the theme of the night. very funny.

so, it's been jody and me for a while now...with lots of visitors. it turns out that most visitors also come with food. bonus!

we are waiting for the 'secret' attack by some kids...but don't worry! we are prepared. but that's all i'll say about that for now...

i was absolutely dreading this's been one of THOSE weeks...but now that we are into it, it's been a great ending to a sour patch. and to spend it with jody?...well, that's awesome. she is the spice of life for me in this place. keeps me balanced when the going gets tough. :)

so...if i'm not an ice cube by tomorrow, i'll be chatting more.

update: well, some naughty teachers made a poor decision to ambush us last night. rach and shelly stayed with us, which was so fun...but we were all chilly so we came inside for a sec to warm up. we were sitting in the staff the dark of course...and all of a sudden all the power went out. the two doors to the room burst open and all these people came running in with masks and silly string. chaos! there was was messy! of course, i got ticked almost instantaneously and began plotting my SURE revenge. let's just say...some things are best left in the planning stage...hopefully, they'll learn their lesson THIS TIME!

no, i don't make threats...just promises! ;)

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


i never knew this song existed. had i known sooner, it would have been put on my "life theme song" list a looooong time ago. :)

it's a song about the rest we can find in our wonderful god.

the video isn't interesting, so maybe read the lyrics below...or just sit back and listen. :)

Still, soft quietly spoken voice
That persistenly calls my name
And quickens my heart to come
And I come

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You
Is rest for the weary soul
Releasing all that is mine
I reach for You


Take all the old and You make it new
Everything I give to You
You're the hope that can pull me through

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Election Concern...

you know my main worry for the upcoming election...the "tell me what i want to hear" vote.

people who vote that way...well, it's just not a smart way to go.

it has been so helpful for me to have people in my life who study the issues...all sides. factual information...not hype. listening to their "learnings" has been so helpful to me...not always what i want to hear, but absolutely making sense of necessary steps...responsible steps.

but...i'm concerned that this is not the nature of the typical voter.

boy, i hope i'm wrong.

i'm getting used to our "entitlement" society...the popularity of the people who promise all sorts of ear-tickling answers. the "i'll give you all the comfort...remove the struggle" kind of candidate.

but some simple study into factual...not fear-hyped...information...?

well, it's making me respect the candidates who don't necessarily tell me what i want to hear, but instead tell me how we are going to get there.

are there others out there who don't want government as "daddy"? others who see that as a bit of a problem?

i don't know...i'm just a little concerned.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Being the Giver You Are MADE To Be!

over the last several months, i've had the opportunity to get involved with a few service opportunities. it's been so unbelievably rewarding.

i wish more christians...people who want to live like jesus...would serve more. issues like homelessness, abortion, starvation...well, they wouldn't even exist if we'd commit to life outside our selfish interests.

you know the interesting thing is...that we are MADE to be givers. stewards of this world... and if we live from the heart, this is something that should be natural to us.

so it makes me wonder...if christians aren't sacrificing and serving, are they really living from the heart? ohhh, that's not good. so sad for others AND for them...sorry, but it's true.

i had to speak in chapel a few weeks ago and was sharing about how god really sees us...who he's restoring us to be through christ...becoming his princes and princesses who walk with him (just like the garden). the interesting thing is that being his child doesn't mean being locked up in the castle all day eating grapes. no, no,'s taking caring of his creation...including all those he loves (everyone!)

and if we are not living lives marked by a legacy of love...then are we really walking with him? at least in the abundance we are made for?? for thought...

by the way...for some reason we think that giving means money...but for this gal who lives on pretty much is so much more than has to be! and, it's so much more rewarding.

so, i'm ending with an oldie by michael jackson. it's a song he wrote before he got all wacky. but it's got such a great message about making a change to take care of our worldwide family. (lyrics below...)

I'm Gonna Make A Change
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right...

As I, Turn Up The Collar On
My Favorite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go
That's Why I Want You To Know

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change

I've Been A Victim Of
A Selfish Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No Home
Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me
Pretending That They're Not Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With Me

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could've Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make That...

Friday, October 3, 2008

Mysterious Happiness!

god works in mysterious ways! i seriously will never understand him...but i'm starting to love that...and i'll never go back.

realizing that he doesn't have all of this religious, legalistic pressure to somehow make me figure it all out....that i don't need to force a facade....realizing that he mostly just beckons with "are you willing to open yourself to me?" is now so much more full of LIFE. go figure.

and the odd ways that he dances with me when i say "yes, i'm willing."...odd, but real...quirky, but deep. but led by him! and followed by me...

and today...i am happy. just happy. and i have no idea why other than...him...and his peace that is such a mystery.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Feminists for Life Video

i'm posting this for an organization that i support. i appreciate them because they address this issue..and women who are afraid and alone in an unplanned pregnancy...from a place of feminine value.

here goes...