It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning...how much my job feels like I'm fighting against more than for. I concede that there is the possibility that frustration is tainting my perspective, and I plan to pray about that. But, the war that seems so unnecessarily waged is one that is forcing the question of my authentic calling. Maybe this isn't my battle to fight...and if not, what is?
What's the battle, you ask? Standing against something I bump into constantly in the evangelical church...the legalistic, appearance-driven, poser mentality. Let me tell you...it is so very strong...and ACCEPTED...because all the right-looking behavior meets the "rules" of their faith. Unfortunately, it takes a ton of pride, shame and people-eating to maintain.
There are people who are called to actively fight that mentality. I'm just not sure I'm one of them anymore.
I want to fight for something. I want to stand for being a real Abba's child, experiencing intimacy with the Trinity, and bringing real and true kingdom life to this reality. Bringing heaven to earth!!! Relationship and mission...in the context of being able to be REAL, which, while exposing struggle, means we also can experience the unleashing of original glory. No manufacturing, no manipulating...no "club".
I seriously think I need a better outlet. What might that be??...maybe I want to work more actively in the realm of the non-denominational church. Seriously praying about a change.