Surviving the Internal Reality of Another

Sometimes we are at the mercy of another person's internal world.

Our "grids", our wounds, our beliefs or judgments (whether true or not) are the lenses through which we see people or situations. Interpreting what we see through those potentially fogged lenses, we choose how we want to speak or act.

And because of our extreme value for our respective lenses...we can actually feel penned in by how others see situations. A "no win" situation. That or we could be the one doing the penning...

Because a person's internal world is really unchangeable unless they choose a different perspective themselves, I've found it critical lately to consider how to live in the context of someone else's reality. A critical question because I've not found confrontation to elicit much change of view.

* Sometimes we just plain don't have to deal with it. I guess abandoning ship is always an option...though, for me, I struggle with that being over-used. We've tended to become a bit weak in America in over-assessing danger that requires retreat...when we could be rising to do hard things.

* We could just let their reality become our own...or at least become the dominant and ruling perspective. That, however, would be quite unsettling...as we aren't simply meant to survive life under someone else's mind-thumb. How cruel.

* Ideally, mutual parties could be open to the potential imperfections in our respective realities. Because of value for all people (and thus perspectives), we could commit to respect the internal worlds of others and then compromise. Alas, that would take very willing, non-threatened parties...

But how does one proceed in situations where personal conviction is NOT retreat but the other very much intends to have their internal world rule circumstances???

Sigh.

I think it's important to acknowledge the value of our own realities and not allow someone else's to internally discredit our own. I get to hold my story dear...it's my right...and I get to agree to disagree with their truth. In nurturing a healthy reality, we must be vigilant about filtering the messages of another. We can hear them, but we don't need to fully receive the fiery arrows of accusation. As such, it is absolutely appropriate to stand up for appropriate treatment. Their perspective may not change, but they will discover a boundary of how I will be treated.

In that personal validation, though...I'm realizing that we need to have an even greater value for improving our own internal world. We need to be open to adjusting perspective...healing our defaults, being broadened...so that we can have the best life experience possible. Though the other party may never adjust, I can improve my reality in the friction. A life unhindered by self-centered priorities...how fulfilling.

And I guess for me...because my internal world is ideally becoming evermore in line with the reality of the divine...it is important to center my reality in who God is and what God sees. He is the God of shalom-peace (Hebrew: wholeness, health and harmony) and has that peace as a substantive gift for my world. While the opposition may be flopping around like a fish out of water, I can be enveloped in the deep waters of His goodness...and not be rocked...and speak/act/PRAY from a place of rest.

Trying to put that into practice more...and trying to make sure my world isn't inappropriately encroaching on others...

Pursuing Options...Finding Some More Jesus

It was just such an awful end to the year for my job...enough that I've been left just spinning. Still in shock from the situation...frustration with Christians...offense at such a blow to something I've poured my life into (something I believe in and know can work)...subsequent conflicted sense of personal direction... Yep, it's been so messy.

BUT...one thing I've realized is that my sense of God's goodness has not been shaken. If you know me at all, you know that's a breakthrough. I've been studying and meditating on the goodness of God for about a year, hoping to have the concept internalize into a heart-reality. So, the good news is that I wasn't robbed of my God-sense this time.

It has been my sense of "me" and my faith in fellow-Christians...rocked.

So, I decided to start looking for other jobs this summer. Honestly, I think I needed to do so. I've felt taken advantage of for so many years...believing in what a place does and could be can make for perfect "use and abuse" scenarios. The downside of vision. Being that my vision has been a bit more rocked, I began the hunt.

The awesome thing is that I actually have had some options!! I think I've thought myself not marketable because of being used for so long. Not true. I definitely needed to find out I can be useful elsewhere.

That said...after one particular offer, I found myself asking God if this was the open door for a major life change. Lots of internal conflict, lots of prayer, lots of advice...

I feel like God spoke!! He tends to be initially in the smaller details for me...the hints of a treasure hunt. Through a few different sources, I heard reference to 2 John in the Bible...a letter written to a lady who teaches the young. And in the words of that letter, I felt a confirmation to stay planted for now. To not move on in reaction to a mess but to steward what is left...for now. One more year of stewarding that assignment...

Jesus works with us to bring His love and His kingdom. Sometimes that means taking on the hard things...for a little while longer. What we write together for the next chapter???...it will be built on a foundation of stewardship and faithfulness... I'm so in love with the potential of that...joyful and hopeful for the future.

So, I'm thanking God for walking with me through this challenging time. I have a lot more to process and bring to a place of peace, but taking the moment to pursue alternatives has led me on to even more of His "real"...that's good news.

Remember

Been loving this song lately...encouraging.

  

He Left!!!

I'm not so sure what I think of house church arrangements, but the perspective of Francis Chan regarding his departure from the "big" church is so...refreshing. I couldn't agree more. "We are Church" is his new venture, and his challenge to not build around the gifts of one person is delightful. I like it for so many reasons...I think it limits pride, it appreciates the contributions of all and doesn't wrongly empower (the rich, the beautiful, the extrovert, etc.), it provides relational investment that really yields growth, it directs funds to real "work"...on and on and on. I feel like my community has accomplished some of this, but there is definitely room for growth. Would LOVE to see more and more and more...in so many realms.

 

Get Me Outta Here...Maybe?

Someone shared something in church on Sunday that resonated completely with some of my concerns of late. They shared an impression they had (a word) from God that was so "nail on the head" that I had to verbally "AMEN!" that thing.

"The name of Jesus without the love of Jesus...is a lie."

Again, let me say...AMEN!!!

And truthfully...this is a MAJOR problem with the church in America. (And by "church", I mean local churches, church systems, Christian institutions and organizations, groups and individuals...and I even mean it about the "Lone Ranger Christians" who withdraw to religiously judge from a distance...anyone who would say they are "Jesus-people".) It's a problem I believe every single one of us needs to consider.

It is best demonstrated for me right now in how the church in America "eats its own". Excommunication is alive and well. The witch hunt is alive and well. "Us" vs. "Them". Shame, slander, smear campaigns... Assumption of evil without investigation...slaughter houses for the innocent, broken and lost. Verbal ascent to redemption and restoration with no real action in the least. The arrogance of Christian religion (standing for things in the name of Jesus) with a complete disconnection from the relationship realities of Jesus (embraced by and living out His love)...justified "burning at the stake" all over the place.

And it's a total lie. A lie from the enemy of Love. One that I have such anger over...

Because really...how is love-depleted, "religious" Christianity any different from other religions that push "law" over "love"??? Like the others...I feel that approach, absent the relational impact of the person of Christ who is the embodiment of the love of God, is dead, nothingness...just identity propped up by "striving" (the doings of duty)...a striving that often elicits the destruction of others to build up self. As my ragamuffin friend said...zombies are real. The walking dead...in the church.

Quite a crossroads for me right now related to this issue...a feeling of wanting to withdraw completely from association with these unhealthy, religious people but also not wanting to withdraw from legitimate community like the extreme isolation (also unhealthy in my view) of the Lone Ranger types.

Caught between two ditches...

And here's the quandary...I want my destiny to be about living and loving forward. Kingdom realities lived out now...which should not mean always having to STAND AGAINST people who should be my own "kind". It makes me nauseous to think that my mission field, so to speak, is for those who think they are glorifying God by being arrogant, rabid dogs chewing on people I love, people God loves... Jesus didn't entertain the aggression of Pharisees but occasionally...so why should I? (Well...until the end, at least, when they ultimately killed him...sigh). So how can I live and even work professionally so that my interactions with the "religious" are few and far...?

Sigh...contemplation...

Candid

I'm in a season of saying out loud exactly what my heart/mind is really asking. I have been able to do that on occasion in my history (some evidenced in this blog of course...which has saved my life), but I feel I've largely withheld my questions or aches in the face-to-face interactions of my life.

* In some of my realms of involvement, I've felt like I have to "play the game"...calculated moves and political strategy. (Working with invested people in boards and committees, dealing with donors and their children, etc. will quickly teach someone how to do that.)
* In other areas, I feel like my "pleaser" personality has placed me second to the opinions and convictions of others.
* Still others, though, have been driven by my own fear. Yep...I've been concerned too much with being judged for my perspectives, so I've chosen cowardice.

Recent events have brought me to a place of...to be honest...who the hell cares? I'm so sick of being penned in anymore. The consequences are beyond what I'm willing to carry anymore. So...I'm going to hold myself accountable now to be more candid...with myself, with others. And honestly, I think I'm going to feel far more free from some of the oppression I've had to deal with from elitists because I'm honoring my heart and what I think is true for the situations, but even more...I'm going to learn some amazing things from people who have the courage to be more real (in my observations of how they do things but also in their responses to my new craze).

Kingdom Here

Though I'm not a fan of the country style of the song (Sorry, it's me, not you. Hehe.), the words are a reflection of my heart. The kingdom concepts are so, so dear to me. Yep...sitting in these lyrics. A bit of a return to "home" in these words. :)