Elliptical Light Bulb Moment

ok...my total disgust for the elliptical machine has changed into passion. hahahaha! i figured out what i was doing wrong.

the key to success???...it's all in the bounce. :)

prior to my light bulb moment, i was trying to keep my upper body completely level...no bouncing. well, it put enormous stress on my legs...and a ton of pain. now, however, i...bounce. it's awesome!!! a totally great workout!!

hopefully, i don't look too much like phoebe running in that 'friends' episode...hahaha! oh well...it should provide entertainment for the others!!!

Junior High Elective

one of my favorite things to do in teaching is to venture off into discovery-ville with the kids. NOT being the "expert" on something makes it so much more of a community journey with them...one that we all retain so much more. granted...i, of couse, have to learn as much about something as i can beforehand...well, "get to learn" is more of the truth.

so this semester, i get to teach an elective for my junior highers, and i'm soooo excited. when i asked them about the things they were interested in, i got a massive list. so cool! some of my boys actually want to learn how to sew a pillow...that was a shocker! haha! others wanted sign language, spanish, career planning, first aid...it went on and on. so...we are going to go for it!! i'm going to invite the pro's in for the things i can't grab onto...but we are definitely going to give it a shot...and maybe even sew an awesome pillow!!! :)

wish me luck!

A Note to the Fearful

ok, here's something that i've been thinking about. many of you know that i was an extremely fearful person growing up. wow...it was quite a terrifying prison for the heart. living as if reality really was the nightmare my mind could think up. the enemy definitely took advantage of the situation too...and my life became a mix of my leaning and his attack. the journey of recovery has been a long one...a scary one...but god's love and his challenges to step out into his reality really do win in the end. he and i continue to face things to this day...and he never fails.

so, it is with great sympathy..and expertise...that i say what follows...

when a fearful and anxious person reaches an age of accountability...i don't know when that is exactly (later teen-adult...depends on the person??)...well, there's something he or she needs to know. see, we tend to require the other people in our lives to bend over backwards to help us feel safe and secure...in control. our loved ones don't want to see us in pain, so they will tend to comply. and if they are co-dependent, they will actually get life out of helping you...which is equally sad. but here's the thing...while it doesn't feel this way in the moment, what we are doing is totally unfair to EVERYONE ELSE. we are actually asking that others re-orient their lives, their loves, and their fun so that we can feel ok. there's a word for that...one that we don't like to say because it seems mean in the face of our pain...but the word is...selfishness.

i'm sorry to say...that's not ok.

so...get in the game for your heart and start stepping out of your fear. get into counselling, get meds...get real and get going!!! the others in your life deserve your freedom just as much as you do!!!

The Crappy Day!

well...my work day on friday was TERRIBLE! in my bed before getting up it was fine! i was daydreaming...slowly waking up. ahhh...peace. the moment i sat up, though, it went into a spiralling abyss.

instantaneous dizziness.

followed by nausea.

insert note: i absolutely hate nausea and vomitting. it throws me for a massive loop. i start to panic and freak out. it's not pretty.

well, this was a day where i could not call in "sick". the boss man was at a conference. three of my secondary teachers were on a retreat with my 11th-12th graders, leaving two subs and myself as instructors. plus, i've been having to do this insane mid-year overhaul to the schedule...which has been a massive "no comment" section in my life. so...needless to say, hookie wasn't an option.

so...i spent my pre-departure prep in a mix of vomitting and getting fixed and ready for the day. puke...shower...puke...blow dry hair...puke...make-up... umm...i was a mess.

it...was...terrible.

being sick during a work day isn't the worst thing, but being nausea-sick is actually terrifying for me...so...i prayed and prayed that god would help me.

and he did!

i was able to get some anti-nausea meds which alleviated the queeziness...and anxiety!!!

i did the rest of the flippin' day...and was asleep by 7:30 that night!!!! exhausted. the rest of this weekend has been for re-coop.

relief!!

many thanks to jody and joyful for helping me and talking me off the cliff...

(and apologies for infecting everyone throughout the day...but...no choice!) :)

Wynonna Knows

some goodbye's are hard for me. leave it to wynonna to sum it all up...

My Love for the Electric Blanket

when it comes to surviving the frigid winter nights, the next best thing to sleeping with a man...is sleeping with my electric blanket.

i love it. it loves me. 'nuf said...:)

KING VITAMIN!!

oh...my....word!!!! i'm in tummy heaven!!! (well, i will be shortly...a little bout with a flu). i went to cub today to get some groceries and stumbled upon a miracle from heaven!! hehe! king vitamin cereal! it's on my list of cereal faves right up there with captain crunch, life, cheerios and kix. :) i haven't seen k.v. for years though....years!!! i thought they had stopped making it...but nooooooo! it LIVES!!!

i bought two boxes just to be safe. next stop, the shelf date. maybe i could stock for a few years!!! :)

Chats with Daddie

my dad took me home tonight, and on the way he gave me a ton of tips for my upcoming "single ladies dinner". hehe...my dad RULES!!...he will literally talk about anything that prattles out of my seriously tornadic brain. so...we set the menu, he gave me tons of tips for quality garlic bread, and he helped evaluate my last trifle.

can't....

go....

wrong....

with daddie! :)

January Blahs

wow...january is hitting me hard this year. it's either a dose of 'seasonal affective' (i.e. the winter downer) or the season for hard things...well, those or a mixture of both. ahhhh! hopefully, february will have a little more sunshine...god knows this chic needs it!

Twinkle Mania

ok...i finally caved. i decided to "twinkle" my window valances. is that a word??...valances? you know...my window treatment thingies. aaaaannnnyway...ya. i had to take down my christmas tree but was missing the "atmosphere" of my twinkles. so, the answer??...wrap the lights around the valances.

ambiance restored. :)

The Heart of Women

i saw a movie with friends last night, and there was a clip that just "wow'd" me.

in the story, one of the ladies has just suffered a severe blow...has totally had her heart broken. she's so depressed that she just lays in bed and sleeps and sleeps. her friends keep coming to check on her, but she just wants to go back to sleep.

well, one of the friends finally comes in with a tray of food because the lady hasn't eaten for a while. of course, she doesn't feel up to eating, but the friend just says..."why don't you eat a little and then you can go back to sleep." the girl sits up, and her friend proceeds to feed her...one spoonful at a time.

nothing else is said in the scene...just one helping the other to eat...nurturing back to health...be it of the body or heart.

well...that just blessed me for some reason. i think it's a great picture of the heart of women. you know what else blesses me??? i actually know women like that!

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday

i'm preparing for a presentation tomorrow at church. nationwide, it is 'sanctity of life' sunday. i'm telling you, the statistics that i'm studying are really quite interesting. the majority of americans today actually don't consider themselves to be pro-choice or pro-abortion. also, the percentage of women that actually get an abortion due to the reasons of rape or detrimental illness is less than 3% of the total abortions annually. 75% of women who get an abortion say they had to do so because they lacked support or resources. man...for all the money we throw at changing laws...we could have...should have...given it to them!! just makes me wonder what it would be like if the church actually stepped up to the plate on behalf of frightened women...and made laws unnecessary...obsolete. hmmm...

BUDS Again!

one of my favorite things to do this time of year is when i get to go to BUDS! it's a youth program for little girls in kindergarten through fifth grade at a local church. sooooooo much fun! dawn does an awesome job of writing the curriculum...all from scratch!!! amazing! next week is the one that i get to help with. it's about the 'sword of the spirit'. they are doing a unit on the 'armor of god' and being a 'warrior princess'. i have no idea what i'm going to do yet, but i'm excited to see them again! :)

Ahhhh!

I have so much to do! It's unbelievable!!! It's going to be a late couple of days...that's for sure!!! Where's Bethel's flex-pizza??? Hahaha!

Colorado

i think i'm taking a trip. recently, i was able to reconnect with one of my roommates from college...the lovely kristi. oh man...that was sooooo great! well, she lives in colorado. now that i have two loves in that state (the lovely sarah is my other love)...i'm going to get my trip organized. i wonder how march or april would work?

just saying...time to take care of me for a bit. :)

Homesick

one of the things that happens when we start to step into the "real" is that we become more and more acquainted with our alien status in this place. this is not our home. and while we can walk through our days with a sense of the eternal, i think our hearts know that the truest of things are still to come.

it makes me truly homesick sometimes. heartsick actually.

quite a strange existence, i must admit. each day having more tastes of the intimacy, beauty and adventure that exists in the "with god" life...but all the while knowing that somewhere else is the fullness of it all.

i can't equate it with a suicidal wish, but, boy, do i ask god often when the day will arrive when he can just let me...come.

The Book of Eli

#1...denzel is hot! sorry, i just have to get that out. :)

#2..."the book of eli" is a VERY interesting film. not for the faint of heart...a bit of a post-apocolyptic gore. however, the spiritual message was INCREDIBLE. it made me actually want to hug my 'book'. :)

"Leap Year"

LOVED this movie! i WILL see it again!!

New Blog

So, I started blogging a bit about being single in a world (at least my world) that is married. :) I have no idea where I'll end up!! HAHA! Who's surprised there?? :)

Single Gal in Married, USA

Life with God

i've been trying to figure out how to tell this story because i'm worried some will think i'm telling it about myself...you know what i mean? i can't stand when people tell their tales, and the motive is clearly to boost "self" to others. naaaaaa...that's not my motive at all. what i love about this tale is that it's about the adventures/missions that we get to go on with god as a result of a real relationship with him. sometimes, we don't even know we are a part of something good and have to trust that he's working...other times, he shows us.

so...it was right before christmas, and i was getting my last minute ingredients at wal-mart. it...was...insane!! (if you know me at all, you know that i'm not made for trench warfare shopping...) anyway, i was waiting in a looooong line of people....frustrated people. well, there was a man in front of me who was buying gifts for kids and a lot of food. when he went to swipe his card, it declined him. he must have thought there was an acceptable amount on the card, so he asked the cashier to start removing food from his tally. then he would have her swipe it again...only to be declined again...he would remove more stuff and be declined again...and again...and again...

he was removing the food so that he could, at minimum, get the gifts.

it was literally breaking me up inside. #1...that he had to be in the awkward situation in the first place. but #2...that he was trying to care for kiddos!!!

to be a man in that position???...not able to give gifts to his kids???...how horrible that would be!!! no one deserves that!

well...he got it down to $50, and it still wouldn't accept it. he asked the cashier, who was now extremely irritated, to suspend his purchase so he could go try other cards in the cash machine for an advance on credit.

everything in me felt desperate for him!!!

i couldn't take it anymore, so when he walked away, i leaned in to the cashier to talk to her. i told her that i knew that my card wouldn't be declined, and i asked her if she would please just tell him that it was anonymously covered. i told her that those gifts were for children and that i couldn't watch him not be able to give.

now, i'm not made of money...oh jeez! there's no way!...but i could not stand to see a father or uncle or whatever he was be destroyed like that!! so, i figured god would help me with finances...or i'd call mom and dad! ;)

well, the guy came back with enough cash. he purchased his gifts, and that was that.

part of me was a little disappointed in myself at first. i didn't know if i was supposed to assert my card or not...but then, if he had the cash, i didn't want to rob him of his sense of buying the gifts for the kids either! (ya, it's a treat in my head...hehe.) so, i purchased my stuff with a host of internal conflict about whether i did the right thing or not, and i grabbed my stuff to walk out.

"that wasn't for him. it was for her."

that's what shot through my head!!!!

"her?", i thought. "who's that?"

so i turned around to look at the register...

and there 'she' was!! the cashier girl was still staring at me...and no lie...she smiled and said, "you have a merry christmas!"

i have no idea what was going on in her heart. i'm guessing god will fill me in someday. but, for some reason, god used that interchange for her.

my internal conflict stopped right there...and now, i'm excited for more opportunities to love...love with him.

my god is a hottie! ;)

My Mornin' Tunes

takin' in some david crowder this morning. :)

Former Student

i love finding out what former students are up to! when i taught in slp, i had several marvelous students that i was so excited to see "become". well, one of my students found me on facebook, and it turns out she's doing great! she's getting her phd!! i wouldn't have expected anything less!!! well, she also loves to cook, and i've been so excited to try many of her recipes. she posted one today for crockpots, and i'm alllll over it!!

Joy in my Kitchen

The "High Maintenance"...GRR!

i am telling you...i wish i was even a smidgen more mercy-motivated! the reason???...i could literally smack people who are "high maintenance"....who literally HAVE to freak out about anything that rocks their boat. i have to scramble to get my hand up to cover my mouth as words start shooting out!!!!!

"what in the world is your problem??? do you really think that your drama is what makes the world go 'round??? take a breath, take a pill, fan yourself, count to 10, call your therapist...and just freakin' get the job done. the world...as it turns out...is infinitely larger than your's appears to be. so get off the ledge and join the rest of us in normal-ville!!!"

hence, the need for the more merciful. ;)

i'm just saying...the more high maintenance a person is, the harder it is to work with them, to be mutual friends, etc.

The Tough Call

oh man...i'm in the spot of having to make a difficult decision. sometimes, in the pursuit of the dream, the past has to be closed off....completely. when that involves people??...saying 'goodbye' is terrible. HORRIBLE because i actually care...and can't picture the future without this particular "past". so, i'm in that bizarre spot of evaluating...a host of "shoulds", "woulds", "coulds"...

i HATE it!

the cool thing??...god is still walking right beside me. nothing surprises him...and he never lets go of me.

Great Song

this is becoming a favorite worship and "jumping around" song for me. :) i also love the verses on the slides...such great reminders of god's goodness! :)

hope you have a wonderful day!

MORE Sex Ed. Stuff!!

:) What can I say? Gotta love sex ed.

Gotta Love Sex Ed.!!

i'm preparing my units for sex ed. which, i must admit, is one of my most favorite topics to teach of ALL time. yes, ironic for a single gal...but what can i say?...i just keep reminding god of alllll the potential. ;) well, anyway, this is one of my favorite 'nooma' videos by rob bell. a great picture of god's best concerning the pleasure he's made us for. turns out, he's a great designer. yep, god the hottie!

Trifles and Such

i crossed an item off my list over my christmas vacation. i made my first trifle!! i know it's a weird name for a dessert, but it is truly wonderful. of english origin, it's composed of squares of cake, fruit, a pudding topping...all in layers over and over...topped off with whipped cream...the real kind.

oh my gosh! if i ever have to "die by trifle"???...let's just say i won't be complaining...;)

Bible in a Year...On Track!

Ok...so it's only "day 3"...but...I'm LOVING it!! I'm doing the 1 Year Daily Audio Bible on iTunes, and today we heard about all the freakin' drama in the times of Noah. IN-TER-EST-ING!! Ooooh...and geneologies! Is it bad that I actually enjoy all that? Hehe! I love that God's story is filled with imperfect and drama-licious people. HAHAHA!

Cool Confirmation

man, i haven't blogged in a while. well, actually, some of my blogging lately has been on another one that i've been working on for the single gals. ;) i've also had a stupid cold, so i feel like i've been laid up for a while.

anyway...back to blogging heaven.

i was able to do a sermon a few weeks ago...one about the life of joseph, the adoptive father of christ. i just so loved doing that one. he's actually become quite a hero of trust for me...and a great example of how god's heart is all about life with we regular people...making lives of eternal significance. super sweet!

well...as is true for many teachers, speakers, pastors and the like...after you do a teaching, you don't always get to see how it's used in the lives of others or if it had any value at all. my mentors have taught me that the holy spirit is always working...that we can even trust that when we don't feel like we've communicated perfectly etc. so, i've had to really try to focus on that.

but today, i was able to hear a really sweet story of how god spoke to someone through the joseph teaching.

of course, while i say that i would like that sort of feedback, i also have to admit that hearing it is VERY difficult.."want to hear" and "don't want to hear" all at the same time . it makes me feel awkward because i don't want it to be about me, but i do want to know if the words were pointless etc.

anyway, this guy told me how he was able to use it the very next day with a group of tough kids.

it was a great confirmation to keep on learning, practicing and listening to his heart.