The past week has literally been a whirlwind. Maybe this season actually. About a month ago my cousins lost their 2-yr-old in a terrible accident. Shortly after, my friend's dad came home from the hospital into a hospice situation. I then started working on Legacy letters with him because he loves his family so much. I finally finished the academic year (admins go a month longer and start a month earlier) which was stressful. Then my sister's high school friend was killed in a drunk-driving accident, and we drove to Colorado for his funeral. While I was gone, a terrible storm hit my neighborhood, and I lost 12+ trees. I returned to 3 more days without electricity. And finally...I got sick.
Pretty much, the "crap cup" runneth over...
I have to say that I've been wrestling with God over it all. Death, dying and destruction seem omnipresent, and my heart is having trouble making sense of it. I guess I struggle with my expectations that He keep all from hurt and harm...but that's not how it always goes. Keeping a handle on hope and wonder in the midst of it...well, it seems easier to embrace the "half-empty" glass and move on.
But...that's not how I want to live. Not...in...the...least.
Keep in mind that God lets me hammer things out on Him. I have great freedom to tantrum. In that mix He sometimes give me insight and at all times gives me comfort.
Last night, when I was praying with a friend about all this, He told me that "there's a difference between resignation and surrender". My heart is still spinning a bit, but I'm hopeful that He'll help me process that one out a bit more in the near future.
So...a bit swept up into a tornado lately. It has left me a little sad and angry and confused...overwhelmed. But...He is here, so I'll keep moving.
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