Triggers

"Triggered" is a word that definitely grates on me these days. SO overused. I mean honestly...can we really be triggered into emotional/mental suffering or even breakdown when our favorite kind of donut is sold out at the bakery? How about when someone disagrees with our opinion??? Give me a break...get some counselling.

BUT...as I experienced this weekend...there definitely are legitimate experiences that can bring us back to intense fear, pain, sorrow and stress.

One of my moments of intense heartbreak involved my mom's cancer battle. Watching someone you love experience immense suffering can break you...that's my experience anyway. A blend of their suffering and our inability to make it stop, a traumatic blow to the soul is unleashed...one that can create an inconsolable sorrow, immense fear and a wound that takes eons to heal.

My mom recovered, thankfully...but my heart to this day has memory of her suffering...my suffering. While aspects of my wound have been healed, the scars can be pressed sometimes. That pressure...oh my, it can be a challenge.

That was my weekend. Days of "fly by" reminders of cancer. The circumstances weren't identical to my mom's situation...thankfully, no cancer in the end...but there were qualities that at minimum begged some questions for me and prompted emotion for then and now.

Here's the thing. I'm a "with God" kind of lady. That's the goal of my life, it seems...to keep learning how to live in the reality of the Trinity. While messy for me this weekend, I'm discovering that "with God" it is a good thing to bring the "triggers" near and embrace them. (As Greg Boyd would say, "embrace the suck!".) I don't need to get ahead of Him and live in the potential of suffering as the reality of my heart, but I can step with Him into the questions and receive His peace.

So...much prayer this weekend. Centering prayer for my heart, prayers for healing and provision and peace for the health situation of one I care for deeply. Much conversation with my Mr. Right too...what a blessing he is in directing me back to God.

Lots of "real" but lots of His "real" in it.