I Unleash...

so this would be a "part 2" to my earlier blog about the retreat that i went to a few weeks ago. if you've read my earlier blogs, you know about my wrestling with god...believing he's leading me into more freedom to just use me. (assuming "use" in a negative sense) of course, a part of me knows that isn't true, but it's been a real battle to apply truth to areas that have been struggling with questions.

so i went to this retreat in this state of confusion...

well, during another quiet time i was able to experience more of god's reality in fear-ridden areas.

i guess it starts there...getting it out on the table. i've definitely been wrestling with some desires that i have...dreams and such. if i step out of trusting god, i get fearful. in fact, my fear actually stops me dead in my tracks from even moving ahead in pursuit of those dreams. instead, i sink into agreement with the enemy...and...just...stop.

so i got some stuff out on the table.

and then i listened.

rap, actually, was the music of choice. go figure!

and i allowed my imagination to help me "visually" pray.

here's what i saw...

a lady...of the renaissance sort...stepping out of a carriage, being led by a lord through doors, being presented, etc. beautiful dress. :) occasionally, she would express her strength. sometimes she would battle. but what she loved...what was her "base"...was that she and her lord had their place of "closed doors". it was a relationship that didn't just involve doing...there was a "being"...and a "being together". i think it allowed her to do the rest of her life.

well, suddenly i realized that the "lady" was me. :) then i was being led through another set of doors...and the lord turned. he said, "i don't use. i unleash."

and with a depth that only god's truth create in the places that desperately need to hear it...i believed.