Forgetting...and Remembering

Sometimes when I get frustrated, I start to take my eyes off God. I begin to focus on the mess around me and become overwhelmed. Something strange happens as I take my eyes off Him though...I find that I begin to forget who I am. Who I'm meant to be, that is. Amazing how our gaze and our sense of identity are so related, isn't it? Well, I've been forgetting who I am of late. I guess pain does that sometimes.

But God is so good! (...so keep reading...hehe.)

The other day I was thinking about my life theme songs. I think I blogged about them earlier in the week. Songs that stand for who I am (or am meant to be because of God). I have to access them from time to time when I need to fight for my heart. One of my first theme songs was "Testify to Love" from the 90's. It's a song about someone whose life is marked by love to the degree that her life will speak to the reality and power of it in even in the darkest times. When I first heard it, I felt the weight of it and knew it was a calling. It brought me a great deal of hope at the time, that God had a plan for my life, was working and I could trust Him.

Well, life has been ridiculous lately!! Just about every area of my "pie" has been..."AHHHH!". From personal to others, there's been suffering, bad treatment, ignorance, huge challenges...it's seriously been the week from hell. Well, I knew God was reminding me of my theme songs because I was slowly forgetting who I am. And honestly, I've been fighting Him a bit even in the reminding. I, all too easily, shake my fists at Him rather than run to Him. So, I've been experiencing a mix of comfort and..."brat". ;) It's been getting better though. Every day I've been fighting less and sitting back down in my sense of who He and I respectively are.

Coolest thing though!!! It didn't end there!

Just to make sure that I got the sense of His control in the middle of my mess and a picture of who I could choose to be in the midst of it, He sent me a message today. I was walking into church after worship had started and literally stopped in my tracks. You know what song the worship leader was singing as I walked in??? My life theme song!!! How the heck??? Who sings this in church??? Ha!...apparently we do! So I walked in just shaking my head and smiling. "Fine, God. I get it."

Here's to laying down the "fight" and trusting...and being a lady who lets her life speak of love even in the silences...