So...some straight-shootin'... :)
The issue...I've had a few run-ins with people who, to be honest, have been not so good with relationships. To me and to some people I love.
** Let me clarify that I'm not referring to any current relationships and not anything of a romantic nature. This is about old hurts...wounds I've allowed to fester...and then overflow into my approach to "new" opportunities. That "guarding" we do to prematurely protect against pain.**
It's really not an uncommon thing in this culture. Our consumerism and our entitlement have isolated us more than drawn us together. More relationally immature, we've become more focused on self-needs at the exclusion of an entirely valid and necessary part of relationship...our design to connect and invest in others. Unfortunately, "Me-Me's" can't be "We-We's". (Hmm...that sounds weird. Haha!) You know...can't see passed self enough to value what a blessing they are (and a good need they are) to others in meaningful relationship.
So, they tend to "poof" in and out of people's lives...
They likely don't see the harm in it because they aren't experiencing anything that conflicts with their own expectations of relationship. They are satisfied because they are actively hunting what makes them happy in the moment. That or they are dismayed enough with what didn't make them happy that they will withdraw to smaller circles. Unfortunately, though, when they dart off to greener pastures, there is hurt left behind...experienced by those that valued their friendship. A sense of loss, a sense of rejection, a loneliness ..a hole where a great and delightful gift once dwelt.
I've been here before, folks. And honestly...I've done it before too. For some reason, though, a couple of *poofs* struck a deeper blow, and my choice was not to bring my pain to my "With-God". It was to embrace resentment. I think it was my way of defending myself and others who were hurt...my way of saying that it wasn't ok to do that. Unexpectedly, it only hurt me...and made me more suspicious of new people.
God is so good though. He's good to reveal and then heal if we are willing to let Him. And so...it's time.
I don't expect the specific situations to change much. Goodness, trust is something that takes time to earn back, and boundaries are sometimes necessary. I do expect an "unhooking" though. An outpouring of forgiveness...the kind that sets the prisoner free. It has already started...and I'm feeling relieved...
A friend reminded me today that I'm love...not hate. That my identity in Christ is one of love, and it can be in this place of wounding too. So...his path of healing is headed back to the core. I'll take it. :)