Facing the Facts and Walking In Forgiveness

i can't offer too much background on this one because it is the honoring thing to discuss the situation only with those who were directly involved. i guess it's the way to protect each other even if we sit on opposite sides of the table...

but i must say this: there's been a major conflict over the past several months, and it has been so exhausting.

the other night, i sat with some very good friends...brothers and sisters...and together we attempted to bring resolution once again. i don't know if it ended the way we all thought, especially considering hopes for each other, but i guess things are as they are.

in the midst of it all, i was surprised by a few things.

first, all the talking in the world will sometimes never bring clarity...especially when that's not the desired end. the dialogue can then be ended, and that can be ok. in the end, it's our own choice to lay down our perceptions and realities and just listen...

second, it's hard being the "fall-girl" and giving up defense of self. but i guess if that's what brings some movement and finality, it's for the best. nevertheless, it's hard for the pride...especially mine...to just let it go.

third, i realized that i actually allowed myself to be supported and supportive of others. that's a miracle in itself. when i was in my administrative position, i was slowly being moved onto my own island, and i stopped allowing people to stand with me...letting some experiences dictate my decisions. but in this situation, i somehow allowed myself to open up to others and was so blessed to see a community stance. i think that actually became a healing experience for me.

fourth, i learned something valuable about forgiveness. when it was all over, a few of us stayed to review the situation. we cried and prayed together, which was such a blessing. one of my friends started talking about jesus' heart for forgiveness. he brought up the fact that for jesus, the worst and hardest option was to not forgive. his heart was so full of love and compassion that he had to forgive. it was a "must". it would have actually pained him not to... that just made me picture his death on the cross...dying of a trillion broken hearts all at once...yet he cries out that god forgive us... and so, in my desire to be more like him, i've been considering the quickness of his forgiveness. the god of the continuous outstretched hand.

i don't know. life is full of intense and difficult situations. and i'd like it to become more natural for me to think and act from my christ-centered heart...more and more every day. to have that be my initial reaction, as opposed to movement from an insulted pride or a bleeding wound, is something god wants to grow in all of us.

so, cheers to lessons! cheers to god's love! and cheers to faithful friends!