Stalked by the Mentally Ill

i've had my faith pushed on for a while now. god has been so good through it all, but i have to say his lessons really are found in everything.

some of you know what i'm writing about today. others won't, but that's ok. writing this out is more for me anyway.

i will say before anything else that one thing god has taught me in this experience is a new sensitivity for girls and women who experience these things. not being believed, having people down-play it or pass it off, starting to feel like you are the insane one at times because everything is so unbelievably weird...the loneliness that sets in as a result.

but the other cool thing that i experienced as a result was the stand of brothers and sisters. ironically...an authentic community. god graciously allowed my experience to be witnessed after a while...and the defense of family and friends was so freeing.

and let me tell you...the fact that there are others like me, experiencing the same individual...while depressing on one hand...is also liberating.

some years ago my family and friends made a new "friend". and 20/20 hindsight would say that there were mistakes made very early on...and ownership of those has been taken...but there began a very bizarre interaction. some would like to use the word 'relationship' at this point...but i wouldn't go so far in the least. very strange conversations, emails, blogs, chance meetings and uncomfortable interactions...basically, there was a very unhealthy attachment and i was being stalked. by the time i started getting nervous, others were starting to see it too. i started documenting everything, keeping copies of all electronic communication. part of that was for the purposes of confrontation/intervention, but to be honest, i was gearing up for a protective order if it came to that.

we brought my dad into the situation at one point so that he could help us address it. what is interesting is that he has taken more of the hit than a lot of the others involved...which is so strange to me...as he came in after our initial attempts to address it.

very clearly, we all realized that this wasn't an issue of conscious ill-doing. today, i actually feel that one side of the person isn't even aware of the other. this was a situation involving a mentally ill person...or at least some kind of emotional/spiritual wounding with subsequent obsessiveness etc.

i really have no idea...but dealing with it in the conventional means was not even remotely productive. constant, continuous misinterpretation...circling illogic.

i finally just had to cut off all contact. and as a group we finally just had to part ways.

the aftermath of it all has been quite sad. a ton of gossip and people who need to enter into drama without all the information has reaped the whirlwind. it's actually quite sad to me because someone who desperately needs mental help is being allowed to stay trapped due to the "sides" that strangely need to exist.

but here's the issue that's been on my mind lately as my life has begun to return to the realm of peace...i still experience a great deal of anger for how i was mistreated, how my family and friends who tried to help were and continue to be treated...and i'm very conscious of wanting to protect others from the craziness too.

and i really believe in bringing things to god for him to heal, having him help with the anger, helping me forgive...and i'm doing that as i run into the issue. but is there really anything to forgive? what i mean is, if someone is not consciously aware of their illness or the delusion that is their reality...how accountable are they? at most, they need to get help...but taking responsibility for actions prompted out of a sort of insanity...???...i'm not sure what to think about that.

so, i don't know...i guess it's just something i'm wrestling with. how much to stand up and shout about, how much to let go...