Thursday, November 15, 2012

Looking for the Sunrise

One of the things I'm sad about in all this [see posts below] is a loneliness.

While I'm definitely a Jesus-girl, I don't seem to fit in the boxes that some Christians seem to need. I don't always understand the modernists and Evangelicals...seems like too much reliance on "truths" at the expense of real relationship with the "truth-giver", seems like too much emphasis on "later" that "today" is robbed of its beauty and potential. Sigh. 

I'm a mystic. I'm God's daughter in this "now" who is messily learning to live humbly in and from the right kingdom. I'm committed to becoming the "me" that He wrote on my heart and living the destiny He and I were meant to live together. I want to chase Him in the sunrise and find wonders all around. Express the Eden in my heart.

I'm experiencing Him HERE...and I'm misunderstood all the time. :( friend who is struggling right now was my free space to "be". Even if he didn't always understand, I had great permission to explore and discover. So much grace from one person. I grew and deepened because of it...and was able to speak more and more out of it. I'm sure that space is still there, but the reality of the situation means things have to change for a while. 

I guess that makes me sad...because heart-friends are hard to find. 

My Dad reminded me that we all hold a piece of this thing called "faith", and that each of us then carries some of that loneliness. Yep, that rings true. So, it's a good reminder to honor that in everyone and see the common ground that can exist because of it. true Dad-fashion...I am reminded that being "alone" in actuality ISN'T true. Varying perspectives are pieces of the beautiful puzzle. It would be so wrong and isolating to continue to think otherwise. Yep...done.

And then there's God...what He's seeing and saying...that regardless of the situation, it's time...and it's not be the "kid" anymore. It's time to be a "big girl" and walk in confidence in Jesus and HIS wide open spaces of grace...and maybe start being that free space for others...walk alongside others. 

So...being a bit sad...but looking for the sunrise. His promises never end. :)

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