Zombie 101

My students like to talk about the zombie apocalypse...a lot. Haha! Some of it is my fault...on one of the student retreats a couple of years ago, we developed a comprehensive survival plan. ;) Every now and then, it comes up again, and I've been finding that it helps narrow my list of survival tips...improve the chances. Here are the current thoughts. (Yes, nerd.)

1. Zombies aren't savable. If you knew them when they were "living", it's not that person anymore. Don't keep one locked in a "safe" room just in case it all shakes out someday. While you have your sentiments, they want to eat you, and if they do get out, they are GOING to eat you. Nope. Shoot on sight.

2. In combat there's no point going for any zombie part other than the head. People, this is like rabies on steroids. The brain is the source. Take out the noggin. Done.

3. Don't use weapons that draw attention. Seriously...a gun??? You'll draw a herd from the noise. Stupid. Dead. Instead, use something like a bow/arrow or machete or club...

4. Structures with many levels should be avoided. There are fewer routes of escape the higher you flee, so only go as high as you can jump and not break your leg(s). Broken leg means "chew toy". In other words, stay away from cities.

5. Travel in a small group, but DON'T include lazy and/or irritating people! Note: If you are one of those types in the group...be warned. At some point, the group is planning to use you as a distraction...i.e. bait.

6. Stock up on essentials...but make sure you can also transport them. You will likely have to be a bit nomadic. If not constantly, be prepared for the emergency run. Essentials include water, gas, meds, food, weapons...and NOT your technology addictables, Barbie collection or One Direction CDs. Lordy, if we are carting all that crap...see #5.

7. Don't. Make. Noise. Seriously, people...when you suspect they are passing by, shut up!! Noise-makers become snacky-snacks.

8. For crying out loud...don't build fires at night! Mosquitoes...light...you get the point.

9. Smell bad. Hey, if you end up somewhere they are (total emergency situation), it can't hurt to blend in. Behaving like one is sort of helpful, but it's a sure thing that zombies won't nibble on a zombie smell-alike. Gosh, I know I wouldn't.