This has certainly been an interesting season. Oh, I should preface that I'm being so overly cryptic in this blog, so don't worry about trying to figure it out. The situation probably isn't what people are thinking I'm talking about. Pheww...that was complicated! :)
It is certainly interesting...and difficult...to be in a situation where a lot is assumed without any contribution of your own but you still have to bear the consequences of everyone's assumptions. That's been my lot lately. I have had to bear the consequences for the pushings of others. I've done my best to not be inappropriate, but that has meant that choosing the "smile" and the "silence" has been pretty painful at times. It just seemed the only way to be honoring without completely bailing on the moment. Why not bail?...because I actually have some interest involved in the situation.
Right now, though, I feel sort of sad about all of my "appropriateness". Not that it should be about me in the least. Just...you know...sometimes I hope there will be light shown on the situation in a way that let's me be revealed for my actual position in the situation...for the fact that I wasn't the start of any of the drama...even though I've had to take the heat, the distance, the embarassment at times, etc. Saying that feels a little selfish, I guess...but it could be possible that there's an ounce of standing up for myself a bit.
I don't know...I guess there are things that we address and others where we have to trust God and the goodness in the hearts of people...tough for me because sometimes it feels like the trusting paints me the fool.
So...the question...is it over? At minimum, hopefully the drama is...for some reason I have hopes that the limit in the drama might actually allow for some knowing...don't know though. Crossing fingers.. ;)
1 comment:
Wow, we need to talk. You did a great job with the cryptic ease here! This stuff you said could apply to about 3 situations that I know of in your life! At least!
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