Pushing Buttons On Forgiveness

Forgiveness has always been a toughy for me. It's not that I'm incapable in the least. I've experienced powerful forgiveness in my life and have been able to extend it in some of the most challenging and painful situations. God is so good to help us give and receive... Sometimes, though, I find it next to impossible to take Him up on His help.

What becomes a grey area for me on occasion is the cloudiness that seems to exist between forgiveness and accountability. How the two go together sometimes and not at all in others becomes quite baffling. Sometimes I recognize that it's not my responsibility to communicate the inappropriateness of things and will instead move to the decision of "to forgive or not to forgive". Other times, I have a sense of needing to go there...occasionally fueled by resentment...occasionally fueled by truth. One of those has to do with unforgiveness. One doesn't. Navigating that??...well, it can be tricky for me.

So...God's been asking me to forgive a few situations lately. Oddly, he's been directing my path right into a few people on my "S### List". Not fun, but a good reminder that there's something more than bitterness.

The final straw was a documentary that popped up on my netflix.com account. It was called "Forgiving Dr. Mengele". I've watched it 3 times now and still find it challenging. She was one of the twins that Dr. Mengele tested on while at Auschwitz. She and her twin were the only ones in her family to survive, and she eventually lost her sister to the effects of the injections from the terrible experiments. Years later...she decided that she could not live with unforgiveness...and she began the journey towards that.

Here are some quotes from the documentary:

- "I realized that I have the power to forgive. No one and nothing can take that away."
- "Getting even has never healed a single person."
- "It's time to heal our souls."
- "Waiting for them to earn it makes me a victim for life."
- "Forgiveness means that [the person] no longer causes me such pain that I cannot be who I was meant to be."

What is interesting to me is that she takes a lot of grief from others because forgiveness in their worldview is characterized by "an eye for an eye". They feel her forgiveness doesn't demand enough retribution. She steps out of that and views her forgiveness as the power to release healing...even if it's only for herself.

Why is this so challenging for me??...In my mind this woman's suffering at the hands of pure evil gives her a "right" to unforgiveness. Her choice to choose another way???...To view it as an imperative power??? Well, her words and decisions seem like a charge to get on board and live differently. Add to that, the reality that Jesus cracks open the lid on forgiveness, moving it from "eye for eye" to "turn the other cheek" with the promise of His healing presence to fuel it...I have no good excuse to not...

So fascinating...and humbling.

I guess that doesn't mean that I can't turn over a few tables from time to time. Regardless, I can and should be an agent of healing. Hmm...