Not Owning the "Bummer"

I was talking to a friend the other day. She was in a situation where a man told her in essence that it was frustrating that some of his most romantic moments have been with her. Likely not the intention of the conversation, but basically being the "bummer" in the moment...Whoo! Kinda hurtful. Boy, is it hard to not own something like that! Wading through the pain of that...while real and necessary...does not need to define though. It's a powerful opportunity for our inner reality...if we allow it...to affirm identity more than words or circumstances. A tough challenge, but a complete possibility.

So, what do you need to remind yourself of today? Are you walking in the identity of being God's Beloved? You can! Remember...He carries His lambs close to His heart. Precious lamb=YOU!

You Are...Beautiful

Check out these lyrics too...below. :)



How do you do it anyway?
Like there ain't nothing to it
To make me stay

No tricks with smoke and mirrors
Not anything up your sleeve
A second look and it can't be clearer
It's no mystery

It's in the way you love
It's in the little things you say
It's in the way you live
And give your heart away
It's in the chance you took
It's in the way you look at me
That sets you a world apart
And makes you who you are
And you are beautiful
You are

Pressed on my soul
Your fingerprint
Going where no one's ever been
Well, I don't know how
But I know you're in it
My life, my world, my dreams
I try but I just can't pin it
Down to one thing

It's in the way you love
It's in the little things you say
It's in the way you live
And give your heart away
It's in the chance you took
It's in the way you look at me
That sets you a world apart
And makes you who you are
And you are beautiful
You are

Connected to your Body

I've been thinking about leadership a lot lately. I'm a "Self Smart" person, so I have a natural introspection...prompting me to evaluate my own styles and patterns. I'm a pretty good strategizer too. Combining the two, I often find myself trying to figure out ways to improve myself or situations I'm in. In my involvements in a few arenas, I've been noticing some things about leaders and doing some wonderings about myself in my areas of influence and about the leaders I serve with or under.

And I've noticed something...

A leader is far more effective...in the long-run...if they are connected to the "body" they serve. Perhaps...more accurately...if they are perceived as interested in or engaged in the lives of those they lead. Surely, some leaders can swoop in, inspire and swoop out, but the impact isn't necessarily lasting...and it doesn't build community and corporate purpose/mission. What makes "lifers"...those committed to the vision or program...is simple, genuine relationship.

So, I guess I've been evaluating that a bit. Asking myself questions about who/how/what I even know about the people I serve (and how/if the leaders in my life do the same). Granted, we can't always be "best friends"...but are there ways we can show individual investment more?

Hmm...something in that strengthens a position of leadership. I think it provides a solid foundation of confidence in leadership...contributing to trust in times of change or movement.

And lack thereof...well, you know...not so good.

My "Ode" to Amanda

This gal is virtually a miracle worker. Much of that is evidenced in her unfathomable ability to make a wedding happen (wedding coordinator with 3 days notice). The other???...her amazing ability to be treated like absolute crap during the whole process and actually not hurt anyone. HAHAHAHA! Me?...I would have snapped some necks...maybe still will. ;) And this girl???...she never said a word. Nope...it was plainly observed. I've seriously never felt so badly for someone who is just plain serving out of the kindness of her heart and love for her friends. She is a diamond with a sparkle like no other. What a gift!

So...here's to a fabulous woman! I pray she's blessed a million-fold!!!! Some of which could be genuine apologies too...HAHA!...Just sayin' ;)

When Leaders Fail

Note: I work (and have worked) with a lot of leaders...work, church, ministries, and other organizations. I've been one...and am one still in many ways. I've been the one to fall and I've been the one to be fallen on.

That said...

I'm so aware that it's not necessarily a good thing to put a leader on a pedestal. Not that we shouldn't look up to someone or be challenged by them...just not to the degree that we often do. Leaders are "people" too. They aren't as perfect as our expectations often demand. They have fears and insecurities...they fall and fail.

I know some think that they should be held to a higher standard...and I don't disagree. It's just that I believe we ALL should be held to a higher standard. Mutual accountability. That which I expect of my leader, I should expect from myself.

So, I guess the last few weeks have been a bit sad...but maybe appropriate, I guess...in taking a leader off a pedestal. Now the journey to expect a higher path and hope for the healing that makes such morality possible...

We all should be people of honor...who don't gossip, disrespect, manipulate, shame...but who instead keep confidences, respect another's humanity and choices, encourage and pray, inspire...

And now...how to call one back...and respond myself to the same beckoning...

It's Not Easy To Be Me

Powerful Words

"It hurts my heart that I must feel badly...for being me...in this moment...with you."

Wedding...Insanity?

Here we go! Another wedding weekend! AND...I get to have a lot of responsibilities. Sometimes I don't know why I get myself into these things. Let's just say there are some "-zillas" in this deal, but not who you'd think.

On another note...I have to say...while I love celebrating other people's happiness (and actually do love helping them on their special day...minus the obsessive stuff)...I can't wait 'til the day is mine. (Ok, ours.) It gets a little old being the celebrator...a little sad.

But when that day comes???...I'm calling in my cards. HAHA!

See You Soon

Oh, Coldplay...how I love you!

What If

Coldplay, again! :)

The Maker

People

We forget all too often that people are...well, people. They aren't projects, they aren't "means to an end", they aren't conveniences...they are beings. Souls...possessing innate value and substance. The very fingerprints of God. And I guess that should be more of a "weightier" realization than it often is.

I was thinking that it's sometimes too easy for me to get frustrated or overwhelmed by some. I very quickly focus on the struggle or issue and forget...the opportunity to collide with another heart. What a tragedy to miss the impact of humanity!

So...today...I'm going to do more to take ownership of my choice to experience the privilege and the pleasure of knowing another...

You?

This Year's Love

My bro-in-law introduced me to this song the other night. Very good.

Raise Your Weapon

Another bro-in-law introduction. I kinda like Scrillex...Oops! I mean Deadmau5!! Hahaha...thanks, Dave!

How to Handle the Shame

Have you ever met someone who battles shame? The kind where they live under a self-hatred of sorts. There's a powerful grid through which they see the world, but they also filter the actions/reactions of others through it. Everything is meant to validate the notion that they are flawed or worthless. And most of the time???...truly, no one is thinking so.

I don't know how to approach people that wrestle with this. Even the smallest thing can make them feel terrible. Constructive criticism...means they are not measuring up and are bad people. Unfortunately and largely unknowingly, they tend to try to solve their angst with shame-based communication too. They want to make others feel what they are feeling. It goes on and on...

And I'm without answers.

Maybe it's something they have to just sort out on their own. Allowing space and time might be best. Being patient in the meantime...that's a difficult one for me. It's a good thing there is prayer. :)

Draw Me Close

Turns Out...

...God's a good slow-dancer. Try it some time. :)

Last Lecture

In the Dark

Greg Boyd did a sermon many years ago called "The Dark Night of the Soul". It was about those moments where everything you've known and believed and hoped seems to collapse and fail. The lights go out and we crawl around in despair. Many things are questioned...our reality, our comfort, our securities, our God...

How does someone who loves God dearly move forward when suffocated by so much unsurity? And how does a girl who loves a life full of hope and wonder encourage others to seek the good Father when she does not believe it anymore?

This "Dark Night" is what I'm calling my summer of 2011. Storms that destroy, babies that die, violence, cancer that kills, power-hungry narcissists, loss of relationship, addictions that own, dysfunctions that rob...I've found myself so utterly angry, sad, overwhelmed...and actively engaged in rage against God Himself. Perhaps the thing that rocked my soul the most was that I no longer knew myself. This girl who knew such confidence in the good Father, who could generate hope in tough times, who could curl up in God's lap and find rest, who believed in life with an Eden-heart...just didn't exist. And...she found the dialogue of others pertaining to faith and miracles and hope to be a load of...well, you know.

So I was telling a friend about my struggles, and he wondered if, perhaps, God was maturing me in the midst of the struggles...growing me up to be able to be stronger and more responsible in the storms that come. Oh boy, did I visualize popping his head off like the top of a dandelion! Alas, I did not. ;) Instead, I filed it away...until now...because I had a sneaking suspicion that I needed to revisit it someday with the Father.

Here's where I think he was going before I shut him out. ;) It's not that God is specifically sending these losses...those storms that shake the heart...for the direct purpose of maturing. Goodness, I'm not sure He sends them at all. The broken world might just be responsible. And, it's not that God just sits in heaven expecting us to "grin and bear it". He's the "With" God after all. He desires that we go through life together...Father and Child. What He does want, though, is for His children to possess a strength of character that allows them to depend on Him whatever comes...to be joyful in asking for miracles but humble in trusting His presence and provision regardless of reprieve and to be grateful...always grateful.

What I know now is that my sadness...my grief...while legitimate...was also exposing places where God wanted to go deeper. Places that He desires me to know His presence and love in ways beyond what I experience now. Places that would ground me more solidly in Him...accessing more genuine hope, wonder, intimacy...strength.

What I think is so wonderful...and what I think the core should be in a life with miracles or not...is that a life lived in such a way is purely fed from The Life...intimacy with the Father. THAT'S where a life marked by power, authority and HUMILITY can really come from. A life focused and fed...not by the miracle...but by the miracle-maker. Relationship is the point...one that breeds maturity.

And that's...well, it's the kind of "growing up" that I hope can come from the storms I face. And that's the girl I want to be.

Summer Reflections

OK...if you've read my blog at all this summer, you've known that it's been more a season of challenge than inspiration. Re-reading previous posts, I realized that it's been a tough season. Quite a challenge for this girl that likes to live in wonder... 20/20 hindsight tells me that it's been a journey into more honesty and subsequent intimacy with God, more depth in community...a deepening and a humbling. While I'd never just say, "See, it really wasn't so bad!" or "Now, that was easy!", I think I may be reaching a point of gratitude. I know!!!...I'm shocked too! HAHA! I guess that's how these mountains and valleys can work sometimes.

God cared enough to even give the desert its own rose. What a breathtaking site that must be...

When Kindness Hurts

There are just some people who don't want others to be kind to them. Expressing some care and concern...well, it's almost like it's offensive to them. They project their feelings about their heartache onto you, making you the object of anger. The more you care...the more gasoline you throw on a fire that's set to burn you.

And I have to admit...it's a weird feeling. Being the irritant because of attempts to love...

How to respond?

Hard to say.

You could make them less uncomfortable by not caring. I guess you'd save yourself the grief...well, grief of one kind. You could continue, knowing you'll get treated badly...maybe for a good cause? A consequence well worth it? You could grab onto them and hold them...escalate but abbreviate?

Woo! What a tough one.

The Song about the Killer

Interesting song I stumbled on. I found it SO catchy, so I decided to "google" the lyrics. I discovered quite the shocker! It's a song about a teen who decides to kill. Similar to Columbine. The lead singer says that he wrote it as a statement on our culture and how much we have lost our connection to family and our ability to love...instead experiencing isolation. He points out that there are consequences for these choices.

I have to say...it's a pretty amazing observation. We can often pursue so much in ambition, entertainment, etc. that we unknowingly sacrifice the things that feed the heart. A person disconnected from heart...that's a lonely place. And living from an empty well???...very sad.

Smarts

Great article on the multiple intelligences! Read it with your children in mind...also, think about YOU and how you "tick" too! :)

How is Your Child Smart

Katie's Blog

This gal just keeps on amazing me. She lives a tough life...but an inspirational one.

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

My Feminist Nightmare

I cringe. Yep, I do. I'm pretty sure that the original Feminists had nothing like the current Pop music presentation of feminine "freedom" in mind when they began the battle for the rights of women. The equal valuing of women. Ugh. I suppose it is true that in this country we have the "right" to be as promiscuous and experimental as we want. I just take issue with that being the image presented to our young women as "truly free"..."liberated". It's NOT to me AT ALL. That's not what strength looks like. That's not what dignity looks like. The mysterious soul of a woman is...better...than...that. And that woman???...She's hot.

So...here's to being more than  "a one night stand", "friends with benefits", "an easy lay"... Here's to expecting a man to be a Man...and a woman to be a Woman. Here's to calling out the awesomeness of true femininity and masculinity...the pursuit, the romance, the crazy-great sex that comes with intimate relationship...when souls collide...

Enough of my Feminist Nightmare...

Lynn's Angel

My neighbor Lynn is dying of pancreatic cancer. It's likely she won't make it through the night. My parents went to visit her in the hospital the other day. My Dad was helping the family say their "Goodbye's". Lynn whispered to my Dad that every night an angel comes and stands by her bed. A huge figure. He/She stays with her while she sleeps.

You know what? God is so wonderful like that. She's proceeding without fear because of His goodness to her...He gave her an angel. And when the time comes...she'll know who to follow...

Sweet dreams, Lynn!

O Taste and See

God's been reminding me of something lately. How He has made us to "taste" Him and His goodness before anything else. We tend to "feed" off things and people, but it's not as filling as the experience of intimacy with the Divine. God made us to be filled with Him so that we can bring that life to the things and people in our lives. It's an eternal well of security and strength. So...I've been remembering to spend time just with Him...moments of quality time with God. :)

High Maintenance People

I have several "high maintenance" people in my life. A man referred to it once as "people with a paper plate",,,meaning that they have a lot on their plate, but the plate is flimsy. I found that description to be a little rude, but I guess it's an adequate representation on occasion. Basically, the simplest things can "rock the boat". Easily overwhelmed. They almost have to be talked through everything because they can't wrap their brain around something they've missed or misunderstood. They often unknowingly think their world is THE world. Their struggles are far more important than anyone else's...and they expect you to solve that RIGHT NOW regardless of who else is impacted.
 
Ohhhh man...is it bad to lay things on the table with these people? I'm sure they've had tough stuff that has formed them into being this way, but seriously...you'd think they could learn a better way...right? I think they'd be taken more seriously, viewed less burdensome, positioned to be more effective contributors...

Hmm...what to do...

V-Ball Team Blues

Let's put it this way. Now I know why my bro-in-law didn't want to be in charge of our team again this year. HAHA! Of course, "charge" is a loose term, but with it comes a bit of responsibility and anxiety.

On this team everyone feels a sense of "I can come when I want". Of course that works sometimes...unfortunately, it means that I rarely get that opportunity. Some of it, I understand. A few have jobs that go until later than game times. Others, though, seem to only be planning to come for one of our two games, and irritatingly, if there are subs available for the game they choose to attend, they complain that our team is too big! Sheesh! Try to play when people decide they can't show!! Yep, smaller team???...*rolls eyes* I actually heard tonight that some didn't have to stay because they have kids. Hello??...I have to take care of my house, other human responsibilities, other commitments...alone! I have a over-time job and have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn!!! But I digress... Normally, I'd just roll with all the reasons and excuses, but when it comes to the end of a season and you look back at the things that worked, didn't work, and the things just plain irritated the living crappola out of you, maybe it's time to hand the "charge" over too...

That or make some changes. Especially because I actually love the game so, so, so much...and the friends I've made along the way...

So...I'm trying to think of what to do for next year because I'm unfathomably frustrated. Most of the other teams have fewer members, but all are consistent. It's only once in a while that a team is playing with fewer. We have about 4 consistent players. Maybe just build one around that? Find a couple more to be consistent and then call subs when we know we'll be lacking?

I don't know. Grr! Deeeeep breaths...breathe in, breathe out... ;)

Great Talent

This Love Doesn't Run

Wow...ever heard a song that is "you"?? This might be my life written on song!

Oldie but Goodie

Overwhelmed but Funny

I have a point of "No Return" when it comes to bizarre circumstances. I can experience such a sensory overload that I am totally incapable of focusing on whatever I'm supposed to. What's a girl to do? ;)

Example:
I was at the bakery with Steph the other day. Great convo, FYI. :) Anyway, later in the conversation, an 80-yr-old man walked in. He was wearing a women's scoop-neck shirt...but was clearly not...umm...a cross-dresser. Eh-hem. So...it was a little visually distracting. Then, came the overwhelming odor!! I can only describe it as the culmination of every disgusting human odor possible but contained in one body. GROSS! So...it was a little nasally distracting. THEN, there came the hacking cough which...as Steph pointed out...was "spewing his diseases all over the bakery". So...it was a little auditorily distracting. But it doesn't end there....Ohhhhhh no! He proceeded to take a stack of napkins and wipe the stinky sweat off himself...AND THEN PUT THE USED NAPKINS ON OUR TRAY!!

Let's just say that "focus" was utterly impossible for this girl. Ya...we had to leave.

Ugh

I seriously have to get a new job someday. Seriously. I do have aspects that I absolutely love...but weighed against the crap?...Ugh. In this economy though...makes a single gal feel trapped. I'm going to have to pray for an added measure of grace in these crazy days before school starts...because it's only going to get crazier. After that...probably necessary for a little get-away. That'll bring some perspective for this year. But ya...I've gotta start looking.

Ray Montagne - Trouble

Wonder Class

One of the absolute joys of my life lately has been the class I've been teaching for the adult Sunday school. It's about seeing God's fingerprints in everyday life and sharing those moments with Him. That's called WONDER!...it's worship in any moment. Oh my...I've loved it! The planning has also been helpful to me. Goodness, I wouldn't mind doing that one again someday!!! :)

Ray LaMontagne

If you haven't heard of this singer, check him out on youtube. I swoon in the hearing...

The Sponge Lady

This is TOO funny!

Make A Decision

The bummer with people who drag their feet on making key decisions...can't pull the trigger...is that it makes life EXTREMELY difficult for those that have to "flesh out" the decisions once they've been made. Often the ones who make decisions aren't the ones to perform them. It's very frustrating. There are such things as deadlines, affected people...Good grief.

Twittering Funny

Too funny! My bro-in-law sent this to me. It's not new that I like men who can cry. It's so "Braveheart-y". Hehe.

Good Men Project

The Dream

Whoa, Baby! 'North and South'...a British period drama...is on Netflix. It's several episodes, but if you like 'Pride and Prejudice', this one's for you! Oh my gosh...I love this scene!!1

A Question for the Marrieds

So...I keep stumbling upon this issue. I watch friends of mine wrestle with this...and some being victims of it...and I see it enough that it's causing me some drama.

Here's the situation...

Because of some personal struggles in one spouse, the other has to remove himself/herself from things or people he/she loves. The thought, I'd imagine, is that such removal will make the spouse less angry/frustrated...bringing peace to the marriage. BUT...most of those times the actual issue isn't the one's passions/pursuits...those just become the scapegoat or sacrificial lamb while the struggling spouse gets away with surfacy comfort without calling "a spade, a spade".

It's enough that it's making me so sad for friends that are losing what they love...and so sad for their spouses that are accepting a life of "less" for the one they love just so they don't have to grow...

It's enough that I think it actually shouldn't have to be that way...

So I want to know what you think...please comment. :)