Friday, August 19, 2011

When Kindness Hurts

There are just some people who don't want others to be kind to them. Expressing some care and concern...well, it's almost like it's offensive to them. They project their feelings about their heartache onto you, making you the object of anger. The more you care...the more gasoline you throw on a fire that's set to burn you.

And I have to's a weird feeling. Being the irritant because of attempts to love...

How to respond?

Hard to say.

You could make them less uncomfortable by not caring. I guess you'd save yourself the grief...well, grief of one kind. You could continue, knowing you'll get treated badly...maybe for a good cause? A consequence well worth it? You could grab onto them and hold them...escalate but abbreviate?

Woo! What a tough one.


David Morlock said...

There is another way to look at this. I have experienced people who want to help me, but they are so blinded by their own filters that their idea of help is actually more of a hindrance than no "help" at all. You say "They project their feelings about their heartache onto you, making you the object of anger", and that can certainly be true, but often times the helper can be just as guilty of projecting their feelings and perceptions onto the situation while only seeing part of the picture.

So many times we look at a situation and think we could fix it, or help it, or make it better, but we fail to take the time to consider where the other person really is at and how jumping into their mess will affect it.

I've found it far more effective to find out if people really want help first. Often when we take the time to connect with them and understand what the situation looks like through their eyes, we can be in a much better place to really help.

Sarah said...

Definitely agree! Being the object of frustration just for being nice is SUPER odd though. Anger at simple care/decency...that's what I find so confusing.