Oh, the Irony

I would say that if you've known me for a long time you are aware that fear used to be a very big deal in my life. It pretty much owned me as a child and young adult. God, in His goodness, plotted out a course for my freedom, and I eventually joined in. Today, I find myself far more courageous. It's not that I don't experience fear anymore...to clarify things...but what is profoundly different is my agreement with fear as the determiner of my reality. I am much stronger and productive in disagreeing with it. How powerfully our agreements and disagreements play out in our lives!! Man, that applies to sooooooooooooo much...our beliefs about God, ourselves, others, circumstances, and on and on and on...

So, here's the strange situation I found myself in before my nieces left for their mission trip to Ethiopia. The irony is unbelievable. My two older nieces, "H" and "S", became increasingly fearful in the days before their departure. I was so happy that they felt free to run over and process things with me...being alone with fear is a terrible thing. Well, oddly, as they described the things (some realistic, some not) they were afraid of, I found myself also experiencing fear. Inside, I was thinking, "Well, ya! Totally good point! I'm afraid of that for you too!!". Everything in me was wanting to tell them that it was ridiculous to go. Enter my conviction...I certainly don't want any of my kiddos to be ruled by fear, but I also don't want to simply invalidate what seems "real" at the moment. Enter my quandary...My job???...try to help them move through their fear to a place of chosing trust and courage regardless of circumstances...while wrestling with my own fears for them at the same time. Ya...life sucks sometimes!!! ;)

Well, God is so good. One of them actually disagreed with all of the fear and moved to a place of anticipating God's miracles. She really grabbed onto God and let Him help her set aside the irrational and make peace with the rational. Totally amazing!! The other one wasn't able to totally reach the point of peace, but she decided that she was unwilling to miss the opportunity just because of her fears. Wow!!!

As for me...haha...I was so blessed to watch them wrestle with it rather than wear it. I was unable to do so at their ages. I was so amazed at the ways they reached out for God. They actually inspired me to do the same even though they never knew I was scared for them. It allowed my 'see you soon' to be from a place of deep love with an understanding that we will be together again (regardless of when that day will be) rather than a terror that "this was it". My worries for them as each day passes??...just keep me praying for them. Ha!...no victory for fear today!