Competition Bummer...

i used to be a very fearful, insecure girl. that made me into a classic nonexistent "hider". thanks to falling in love with god, it's been getting less and less all the time. not perfect by any means...and sometimes still a wrestling match...but it's less and less. i'm definitely more content with being 'messy beautiful'. ;)

well, i've been noticing that as we begin to discover and really experience who god is (our father, our romancer), we start to hear him speak to our hearts about who we really are. the shoe that fits. square peg, square hole. and just naturally, we start stepping into things that we never dreamed of in our isolation tanks. it's so wonderful that it works like that! encouraging for anyone stepping into the troubled waters that typically keep us living in the flesh (less than human).

BIG CELEBRATION IN ORDER! and we should be like that to each other! strengthsfinders says that one of my strengths is "harmony", so maybe it comes from that little "how can we get along and work together" irritation...but i think we should all be so excited to step into our greater humanity, be a part of helping that happen for each other, find ways to work together out of that...and celebrate it BIG TIME! at least, that's my ideal...:)

so why am i babbling on about all that?

well, lately, god has given me some more opportunities to explore the particular voice that he's perhaps given me. yet, the response i've gotten from a few is a competition of sorts. like a need for some feather-floofing on their part. the funny thing is that if those people knew even remotely the road i've walked down to get to the place where i'll even accept the challenge...hahahaha...it's been a battle! not to parade in the least...oh my gosh, no! my mind doesn't even go that way. no, the battle's been completely terrifying...to dare to even show up!!!...to dare to twirl at all.

and the internal party i have when it's over is that i lived! hahaha!...not that i've somehow one-upped someone else.

so their reaction makes no sense to me...especially since i'm in constant admiration of their passions, new steps, all the possibilities. so it's a huge "HUH?" for me...

our giftings or interests don't exist to diagnose deficits in another...but it seems like some people can't be ok with what someone else may have in their bag.

is it an insecurity in one's own giftings...or a jealousy? i don't know...

but regardless, it leaves me pondering what in the world to even do or say...because it means that they may be more comfortable with me not being "me" in order to feel better about themselves.

but going backwards?...back into the cage?...not an option for this gal.