Goodbyes

i've been thinking about "goodbyes" lately. i've experienced some...have had friends experience others too. and i'll be honest...goodbyes are REALLY HARD FOR ME! (sorry, just a momentary freak-out...)

i've recently had a couple goodbyes that were such a relief...like a huge "FINALLY". but the kicker that i've found is that...if we are real...even an exit doesn't eliminate some of the hard feelings. i.e. even though the pressure may be less, the drama may be next to nothing, we have to face the tough stuff. if only it were as easy as a change in proximity...:) i guess even in these scenarios there's got to be a letting go...of the resentments. an invitation to clean house.

then there are the goodbyes that make you remember the good things...make you miss those times...those special people. realizing that you know more color in your lifescape because of their coming. that you had less heart before you met. that there really are fields of lightning bugs and new days with the sun always rising. difficult to let go but nonetheless 'tis life with an open hand.

but you know what i've been realizing...i love the 'feeling' life. to be able to deal with the anger of some goodbyes and the sorrow of others...the messiness of the passionate heart far outweighs the order, the sterility, of the stoic.