The Jury Duty Journal

june is jury-duty month for me! the ironic thing is that i actually was wondering one day who in the world gets called up and how unlikely it would be that i get selected. i should probably guard my wonderings a bit more...the very next week i received my "notice".

so i made an appearance at the court house on monday...was somehow randomly selected for the first round pick...was then surprisingly chosen for juror "interrogation"...and then...i actually made it to the 6-person jury! i'm so shocked that i got that far!

aside from the fact that waiting sucks...as does being sequestered!!!!...i have to say that i am so very thankful to live in this country where anyone has a right to this process. it's actually pretty profound. so my "proud to be an american" song is playing a little louder than usual. :)

here's what is harder than i thought though...actually sending someone to jail! i sat there watching this person who seemed so lost and knowing that it's my job to "judge" them. where's the guarantee that they'll choose to get help? there isn't... and then the fact that all i wanted was to lean over the railing and say, "hey, there's more to life than this! there's hope! there's freedom!" so...i chose to pray for him.

which, by the way, i have to say that this whole ordeal gifted me a major "exhale"...full circle moment. the defendant looked EXACTLY like a friend that passed away years ago. it...was ...unreal. i was staring at a 45-50-yr-old slade. i actually had to force myself to NOT stare...the resemblance was uncanny. i had an intercessory relationship with him when he was alive. if you ever need a story involving some crazy spiritual/prayer stuff...let me know! but part of me didn't know how to deal with that connection while it was all going down, and i became very attached to him. so when he died, in addition to all the questions about why god would take him so early, i experienced a real grievous anger that god would take him away from me. i literally prayed for death. however, i should tell you that slade really struggled when he was alive. as a youngster, his heart had a real passion for god, but he just got nailed as he grew...and fell into alcohol, sex, pride. but right before he died, he actually found himself...god actually...was so tired and wanted to come home. i just didn't realize that god's plan for "home" was different than mine.

so...fast forward to monday...

here i am...looking at the person he could have been...and i was (still am) so aware that god took slade home for him. it was a precious gift. not to be a horrible god. not to rob me. not even to rob slade. he gave him the real life he was made for...just a lot sooner than most of us.

i exhaled.

isn't it strange how god uses random events to minister to our own hearts? years and years later...even after tons of work to give things up, snap cords, build trust...god still gives jewels of "i'm good", "i'm love", "i was there" and "i'm here".