it drives me nuts when god takes a moment to push my buttons. i know he's good, so i try to hold on to that when he throws me a zinger. it's a hard journey that i know he wants to walk with me...and always his masterpiece idea for my life looks so much better than my own. it's just trusting that...ooo, tough sometimes.
i think we all have things we keep in our back pockets (hopefully, less and less all the time). odd little (or big) reminders of past circumstances, hurts, not-so-accurate messages from our life stories, etc. we keep them as cards we can pull out for a strange sort of comfort or security sometimes...methods of validation when we need to be our own answer.
for me, it's old offenses. all the "never got an apology for that", "never got a 'thank you' for that", "was totally crossed by that one", "don't forget how it works with the 'old boys' club"...old stuff. icky, icky bitter junk.
the good thing...i totally hate it...and just want to vomit it out.
and i know it gets better and better all the time as he forms me...but i can't wait for the day where the 'old stuff' really has no bearing on just loving and living. walking in love...being forgiven and being forgiving...like he did and does all the time.
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