The Tale of the Non-Confidential Sort

It's been a year of discovering who of my friends are confidential and who are of the not-so-confidential sort. As such, I've had to make a few changes to my "inner circle". What I don't understand is how the non-confidential types get so frustrated at finding things out a bit later. IT'S BECAUSE YOU CAN'T KEEP THINGS TO YOURSELF!! Uh-hem. Sorry. ;) Is it possible that some people love information more than friendship? I'm thinking so...and that's sad.

The Rabid Teacher

Haha! I'm guessing you are wondering what in the world this one is about. ;)

Maybe it's a "woman" thing, a "big sister" thing, a "teacher" thing... Regardless, the kids in my life are...well...MINE. I feel very protective about them. Territorial. When I find out someone is trying to lead one into things that will ultimately destroy them or derail their future, it's absolutely going to get bad. I will not allow that on my watch. Does that mean I don't address the issue with my kiddos? Nope! It's "go time" there too. Hearts are that important. But, for the ones that like to prey on my kids...I will do everything in my power to stop it. It's a promise.

It's amazing how much the Lion King applies to life. ;)

Pretending

Carb Eww...

So I've been spending the last month on a low-carb/high-protein kick. I nixed the Diet Coke too. Water, here I come! Yesterday, though, I did a little damage in the carb department at a party. I did a number on some DC too. Eww...I started feeling sick last night. Today, I have a weird hang-over feeling. So...the good news???...I think I'm getting more in shape. The bad news???...I won't look at a Cheeto the same way anymore. ;)

The End In Sight

Oh my gosh...the last day of school is on the horizon. With that, though, comes a building frustration with kids, parents, staff members, ceremonies, concerts, and on and on and on... Balancing that with other commitments, I'm overwhelmed. I've certainly learned to do life in bit-sized chunks (much improvement in the perspective category so that I don't have to stop functioning). It's just that the breaks are more minimal...hence, the lack of love. Haha! My solice is found in the garden any chance I can. Oh! And in volleyball!!! :) But, let's just say...when graduation is all over, I'll be whooping it up. Wanna join in? ;)

Garden Fun!

Wood chips! :) There are three separate gardens in my Secret Garden, and the first one has chips! Umm...and a flamingo. ;) When they took the meditation stations down at church, my Dad saved me one! It is officially in the corner of my garden. Now, I just need to find something inspirational for the face of the station. Hmm.

Two more gardens to chip and then I'll be working on the alcove and the patio!!!

Secret Garden: Year #2

I'm so excited!!! I was able to get into the garden today after school to WEED! I was a weeding machine! ;) Last summer was such a whirlwind that I didn't get to plant everything that I wanted. Some of them had to survive the winter in pots, and I suspected that they wouldn't make it. BUT...I was wrong! I went in there and all the pots were growing!

So...the fun continues.

My next step is to put down the wood chips. Then I'll be finishing the alcove that goes around my super aweseom bird bath. THEN I'll be finishing the stone path throughout. And on and on and on...

It's such a peaceful place...I'm in heaven. :)

Playing to Their Level

Ugh. Yep, that's how I feel about last night's game. BIG...HUGE...UGH.

FYI...I'm still fascinated by the things that suddenly open my eyes to learn about life or more of myself. We can go through much of our day and not notice what we should...and learning as a result.

Back to Ugh...

We played TERRIBLY in our last game last night. A game against a DRUNK team. (Yes, someday I'll be laughing about this experience, but not right now...hehe.) Ironically, our earlier game was against the best team, and we played really well. Of course, this makes our loss against a poorly-skilled AND intoxicated team...umm...HUMILIATING.

Abby made an interesting comment at the end of the night. She said that we play to the level of the opposition, playing well against a skilled team and basically sucking it up against newbies. She's totally right, and I'm SOOO frustrated.

And so my object lesson...

I wonder how much we tend to "blend" in other areas of life. When you have an opportunity to shine, to display your glory, do you? Do you tame it down to fit in or not be too overwhelming? How much do you "match" when you shouldn't?

I guess all the frustration has me thinking...

What???...Weird, Weird, Weird

I mean...duh...clearly women run the world. ;) But, what is this video??? Haha!

Rapture Response

Instead of trying so hard to get the hell out of here, how about now working to get the heaven in here?

Church, get busy living instead of dying... :)

Why I Walk...

I saw this statistic once, and it changed my life.

70% of abortion decisions are made on the basis of fear. Fear of a lack of support or resources.

That means that the point of argument isn't really about particular rights...not for the woman in the moment. It's about loving your neighbor. It's about the number of us who are actually willing to be the support or resources. At least it is for 70% of women in this situation.

So, why am I doing the Walk for Life today?

Organizations like the Pregnancy Resource Center and Feminists for Life put their money where their mission is. Without any pressure they help women make informed decisions instead of fearful ones. They offer support and resources to frightened mothers (and fathers).

I guess I like the idea of making laws unnecessary...all because of a broadened definition of love... :)

Heartbroken

"I've been sinning, and I know that God doesn't love me anymore and that Jesus doesn't love me anymore..."

Ugh. My heart just sank...

You know what the church forgot to tell people in the midst of all of their answers for everything (said sarcastically)???? They stopped telling and showing people the ONE MAIN TRUTH...

Jesus...Loves...You. Always has. Always will.

If He has an impression about our sin, it is one of grief. He's sad about how the sin separates us from Him and each other. His passion for us is so great that such distance is actually heartbreaking. So, if ever there is conviction, it's because His desire for you as the delight of His heart is THAT great. Step into that experience. Feel that. You'll quickly find yourself in His arms being beckoned to a greater life with a more solid identity in Him.

...and then maybe you can direct others there too. They need it...that's for sure!

The Encouragement Oddity

I discovered another bizarre quirk of mine during the volleyball games last night. I despise off-court encouragement. It ticks me off actually. Isn't that ODD?? I'll take it from people currently in the game, but those who are subbed out???...SHUT IT! Hahahahaha!! You know what the chatter says to me? (It's so bizarre!) I hear it as "You aren't trying hard enough!" or "You aren't doing a good job!". Some personality, I'm sure...I have a strategic "figure out the problems" mind that's constantly calculating solutions with particular focus on how I could improve, and I don't need more voices in my head than necessary. Some pride guaranteed...I too quickly bring things closer than they need to be.

Yep...I'm a walking quirk...well, more like a hobbling one. ;)

The Mystic

I've been exchanging emails with a lady lately. We've been chatting about a host of faith-related topics. What is always interesting to me in these types of conversations is that aside from my love for Jesus I'm mostly an "I Don't Care-ist". I have a few investments, but I mostly have a sense of the enormous mystery that surrounds us and my minute size in the scheme of things.

So...back to this lady.

The other day she called me a "mystic". Haha!...so funny since that's also in my blog title. My first reaction was one of surprise. Isn't everyone a mystic? Well, apparently not! I asked her what she meant because words can mean so many things, and she replied that I'm the kind of Christian who believes that God can actually be experienced in this time and space like He is close instead of distant. Wait...you mean not every Christian believes that? Again, apparently not!!! I guess I'd forgotten that for an instant...

So, yes...I guess I'm a mystic. oooOOOooo! ;) I know that I know that I know that God is real and near and interested in an intimate relationship right now. While I do love to learn about Him, I have also experienced Him powerfully...causing me to know awe and love at the same time. I don't know if I've all-out seen Him yet, but I've definitely heard Him, felt Him and seen His fingerprints. He's wild and gentle, hilarious and holy, a gentleman and a warrior, and on and on and on...(if only words could most adequately sum it up). What I'll say for sure...He's the Love of my life.

I guess that makes me the weirdie...HAHA!

No Matter What

Sometimes we go around. Sometimes we go through. The miracles are everywhere regardless.

My Measuring Stick

I've been watching a ton of conversations online about various topics in Christendom. I find it interesting how quickly the "Us vs Them" mentality enters the scene. I also am intrigued by all of the intellectualism. Seemingly, all kinds of "mind" with little "heart". Many of the conclusions permitting all kinds of judgment, all sides are guilty of the very same flawed process. Namely, the drive to find a new box to shove God into...and a new pedestal from which to look with disdain.

As a result, I've decided to claim a new measuring stick for all of these musings. They come from what Jesus called the two greatest commands...

1) Does your conviction cause you to know/love God more? Not know about God...KNOW God.

2) Does your conviction draw you closer to others? Does it isolate or create more depth of community?

I'm going to start applying this to my heart ramblings so I don't perseverate on too many of the lesser points. Those can be nice distractions from truly living the With-God life, but it's not the "real" we were meant for.

WWJD?

Something struck me in the sermon today at church. "Instead of asking 'what would Jesus do?', ask 'what IS Jesus DOING?'. It's interesting how often our faith can hang in the past....treating Jesus as the THEN-Jesus and framing our lives accordingly. The reality is that Jesus is the NOW-Jesus. Always has been. Always will be. Active, present, today...

I wonder how our lives would look if we reset that framework...Hmm.

A Sad Confusion

It is amazing how much the church confuses core identity with roles and responsibilities. The "Who" of who we are as men and women is something we BRING to our relationships, roles, jobs, assignments, etc. My essence as a daughter of God isn't defined by having children or not, by having a relationship or not, or by having this job or not. These are simply places to express essence. Certainly, these things contribute to our continued "becoming" with their challenges and adventures, but they are not the point. To live otherwise is to live inverted and subsequently less than we could. There...is...so...much...more! God just continues to blow me away with His notion of life as bigger than we know it...AMAZING!

Competition

Ugh.

Ok, it's not that bad. We won both sets tonight. (Sand Volleyball, that is.)

So why the "Ugh."??

I'm SO competitive. There are certain situations where I become aware that we shouldn't be behind for obvious skill reasons, that a different attack strategy would have been better, or that a team set-up would have been more helpful than a hotshot solution. It makes me crazy. I go over this stuff in my head about myself too...because I want to improve my completion of or contribution to plays.

So...Ugh. We won, but we shoulda, shoulda, shoulda...

The Kingdom

I wonder what would happen if the children of God starting thinking of the Kingdom as less of a "What" and/or "When" and thought of it as more of a "Who". We look for structures or that great big "Then" in the here-after, but what if it's so much more? What if it's...YOU? When we let Jesus unlock the precious human heart, I think the Kingdom's "What" and "When" is unleashed in the "Who" of You.

Pondering that one a bit more...

Happy Mother's Day

Sunday is Mother's Day...a time when we celebrate those amazing women that invest in us, sacrifice for us and put up with all of our "crap". ;) My Mom is no exception. She's a true heroine of the heart. In fact, she's pretty much the heartbeat of the family...keeping us all on-task, pushing us to be true to God and self, and encouraging us to keep on keeping on...all with a little "spice" mixed in. ;) I honestly don't know what my life would be like today if didn't have my particular Mommy. God certainly knew what He was doing. :)

This is a pic of my Mom and me on a geocaching adventure. She puts up with a lot of my pursuits and whims. ;)

Love you, Mom!!

The Walk-a-Thon

I'm doing the Walk for Life on Saturday, May 21st! If you want to sponsor me, here's a link!! :)

Walk for Life

Don't...Give...Up!

My Physics class was talking about rotational inertia and gymnastics today. We were viewing clips of amazing gymnasts and analyzing them for the topic. While we were watching all of the amazing athletes perform AMAZING exercises, I remembered the '96 Olympics with Kerri Strug. Remember her? She's the one that sprained her ankle and fell on her first attempt but completely landed her second on one leg. Clinched the gold! It...was...fantastic!! Very emotional.

You know what it spoke to in me today?...some challenges in my life. Things that I need to keep stepping into...

It was a great reminder to "go big or go home", to never have a Plan B, to bring my whole heart to whatever dream or challenge is ahead, to NEVER GIVE UP! And ya...doing so means we might wash up on some shore all tattered and torn, but it will have been an amazing ride. One full of reward and absent of regret.

So I don't know about you, but I need some direct instructions today. Don't...Give...Up!!

Ohhhhhh No.

I walked into a situation last night that I honestly didn't see coming. One that elicited the "Ohhhhhh No!" response. One that brings back memories that I'd prefer stay where I left them...in the past. Ugh. Not fun.

I was chatting with my sis after the whole ordeal, and she reminded me of some things that permit me the freedom to not be hindered...to not live out of the past. I played the original situation honestly. I was true to myself. My choices weren't the contributors to the demise. Therefore, I can continue to walk proudly in my own skin. I can be the dancer instead of the wallflower.

Yep, everyone should have a life coach for a sibling. ;)

Oh, those women... ;)

"Well-behaved women rarely make history." (From Kim's Dove chocolate wrapper)

Osama Bin Laden

I realize I might be stepping into the firestorm here, but as always...I have some thoughts. :) Ironically...but perhaps appropriately...most of my thought-provoking moments come from within the "household of faith" (i.e. Christians and all of their doings). I see actions, hear comments and find myself shaking my head in frustration. And many times, sadly, I find that I've been a participant...

The reaction to Osama's death is one of those moments.

And, yes, clearly I'm not pointing fingers all over the place. I'm more just asking some questions. So, here goes...

I'm struggling with the celebration of the demise of another. Don't get me wrong. I believe in justice. I think there should be consequences for acts that harm humanity, assuming the drive of payment is not fueled by revenge. It's just that from there Jesus messes things up for me. His heart for His enemies to be specific. I don't think He ever advocates a "dance on the grave" of a foe with either action or word. And, I think He challenges me to live in the same manner...

So honestly??...Bin Laden's death is sad to me. Not because he should have had no consequences. It's sad because of the innate value and potential of his life contrasted with his continued choices to be filled with hatred. It's sad because of all of the lives that were lost or altered because of those choices...those who died in the attacks and those who are influenced by his madness. It's sad because he chose to not change course and to experience such an end. People who are fooled, formed and fueled...who never accept the opportunity to see things differently...and then it's too late...

So...in addition to remembering those who've lost loved ones...I'm going to revisit the notion of the "weight" of life, well-spent or not. I'm going to consider the lessons for all of humanity about hatred, bitterness, and revenge. I'm going to respect the completion with silence...

Sand Volleyball BEGINS

Today is the big day!! League volleyball at the Junction. I have only one concern...the temperature is shooting up to a whopping 43 degrees with 10-20mph winds. Ya, that's going to be a problem. Oh well...that's why Minnesotans keep the wool sweaters and snowpants out for so long. We...are...diehard. ;)

Another from Katie

I'm going to keep posting her stuff. This is a young lady that "takes it to the streets". Quite admirable...so real.

Kisses from Katie

What a Mystic Thinks...

I do not aspire to live a life dependent on my "bullet points". A security based on dogma??...That only positions me to be a combative victim, always expecting a defense of this and that so that my internal world can feel "OK". No, what I need is the intimacy and mission that comes from my good-hearted Father and the "realer real" that He pursues and invites me into with every breath I take.

That choice...in a word...births "Unity".

Fighting the all-too-often reality of Christian fists and embracing instead the higher call to hold hands as we walk through whatever comes our way...It's a gutsy way to live these days, but truthfully it's a part of our destiny as His children. Divine love accomplishes such things. Oh, that we would step into that fire and find a life beyond what the "bullet points" deem real. Identity, passion, purpose, adventure, community, peace...all in a family full of interesting characters.

Joining the "Rally to Restore Unity". You should too!