Tell Your Heart To Beat Again

I have a friend who is coming to the end of a tough chapter. The part where grieving can begin and healing can come. Praying for her. This song came up on my Pandora station. Beautiful reminder of the reality of seasons and how God offers us a "new day" in Him.

Being a Shelter

It's that time of year when I look back and reflect. Man, this has been a challenging year!!! I've learned so much in it all though. Go, God!

One of the many things God has been bringing to mind has to do with the message of this song. When we recognize the power of a loving God who is a strong tower in any storm, He actually fashions us into "shelters" of sorts for others in their respective "storms". I've had several opportunities to watch, learn and do this very thing this year.

People who choose faithfulness to the lost and broken...reminding them of who they really are and what God's heart is toward them. It is a gift of comfort, stability, protection, empowerment...

Baby steps into it this year...well, and some major "trial by fire"...but God has been so good. I'm excited to grow more in my stand with and for others.

Use the Enemy's Attack for Powerful Insight

A friend sent this to me this morning. I found it so encouraging. We don't have to take the enemy's bait. Instead, we can ask really good questions about why the enemy is putting the pressure on. Indirectly, the enemy points out the very thing in us or in the situation that he fears. We can definitely push back with praise and prayer, but we can also learn so much about some really AWESOME things that are going on.

Spiritual Warfare: The Real Battle

Permitted Pride

"Pride is ever the deceiver. With it, we become vulnerable to our old offenses and wounds and then permit ourselves to make assumptions, agreements, and judgments based on nothing resembling truth."

This concept has been rolling around in my brain a lot this year...most unfortunately because of some pretty icky situations. BUT...it has also been a good check to evaluate myself. Why?...well, it's so very easy to respond to pride with pride (and excuse it in ourselves while judging it in others). So unacceptable. 

It is so true though...pride is a dangerous thing! A serious sin that the church in America would rather leave unaddressed. In fact, it seems we would rather spend our energies on making sure we really nail people with the sins we don't think we have to distract from the ones that are close to home. 

But pride is likely the most dangerous of all. It is the grand deceiver. It will puff us up to irrational images of self. It will permit us egregious judgments of others. It will manipulate us to actions we would, in humility, never consider. 

We need to get serious about it. Why?...because "pride goes before a fall". Yep, it's true. God, in His goodness towards us, doesn't want us lost in pride. Lost in polluted identity and purpose. He will allow us to fall because of it if we so choose. He will give so many invitations along life's way to acknowledge it and turn around, and He will be faithful to meet us in our "splat". Sigh. 

So...time for self-reflection. No more permitted strongholds of pride. 

Worship...Better Than Ministry

Check this out! This is one of the latest posts by Graham Cooke on the importance of worship.

Worship Is Better Than Ministry

Yes and Amen

Oh my...we sang this song at the Graham Cooke conference this weekend. Yes and Amen...I'll take it! :)

 

 Oh yes...and this one too! :)

 

Foil for Darkness

Wow, Beth Moore! I'll tell ya...she's been on a roll on Twitter lately! This one is just a public agreement with a pretty accurate critique in my view, but still...she's challenging some of the sadder "evangelical" (but really "less-than-Jesus") norms. YES! You go, girl! :)

"Newness Advantage"

The previous blog and then a realization that I get to go to a conference in a week by another inspirational person! Goodness! God is so good at being GOOD! ;) The "Newness Advantage" is something that I am super excited to see, read and grow in! The lifestyle of heaven's realities. Yep!

Say What Now? Wow!

Sometimes we have these opportunities that just come out of nowhere yet leave us with material to last a lifetime. I just had one of those. I can't talk about it too much yet, but I definitely will soon. All I'll say is that I had the opportunity to talk to a hero...and besides almost falling off my chair and peeing myself...I feel so very hopeful about the future.

An awesome challenge..."love the presence of God, love worship, and love how the Holy Spirit moves."

Heck ya! I'm all in!

And now to explore those more!!!

Fierce

Strength Aligned With Judgment

Strength wrongly aligned with judgment unleashes destruction.

Yep, it's something God was challenging me about a few months ago to NOT do, and unfortunately, my eyes are now open to how easy it is to do and how much it actually happens all around me.

Justified. "Christian-y" even.

Here's what I'm talking about...

Humanity was made to create. Well, co-create really. We were designed, through our agreements and disagreements, to align with the desires of the divine to release goodness. It really is one of the most beautiful aspects of free will. Alongside those agreements, we can bring our particularly beautiful ways of thinking and unique abilities. A partnership of belief and action that creates..."amazingness" in the our spheres of influence.

Think about it... People who internally agree with the notion that beauty is real and important...who then align their abilities to design architecturally or artistically with that notion...and create some of the most beautiful structures, paintings, sculptures, poetry, music, theater... Example after example. Humanity at our best.

Unfortunately, because we took a bite of that forbidden fruit (the tree that deceives me to elevate my role in judgment to that of God), we tend to agree/disagree with really sad sentiments. And when we attach our talents/strengths/abilities to those, ugh...it ain't pretty.

We can be agents of unleashing destruction...with no one else to blame really. My power paired with a critical spirit, an offense, an arrogance, and on and on... My responsibility.

So...it has me considering things. I want to be an agent of LIFE, of beauty, of goodness, of forgiveness, of restoration, of unity....

Have your way, Lord! Have your way!

Modern-Day Pharisee?

Oh dear...interesting challenge. I don't know anything about who the author is, but the concepts are interesting to consider.


12 Signs You Are A Modern-Day Pharisee

Sleep In The Storm

"I will not be storm-tossed. Lord, put your glory on display!" - Jesus (Message version, Jesus Calms The Storm)

 

What Keeps Us From The Central Thing

"Our fundamental sin is that we place ourselves in the position of God and divide the world between what we judge to be good and what we judge to be evil. And this judgment is the primary thing that keeps us from doing the central thing God created and saved us to do, namely, love like he loves.” 

- Greg Boyd (Repenting of Religion)

What an amazing challenge! A great reminder about how ingrained that "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" is in our broken humanity. We don't always allow ourselves to see it...that's for sure. Sometimes a bite from that fruit looks and feels so good and...justified. 

But we were made for better food...a spiritual meal that fills with so much more than pride, self-defense and all that ya-da. 

Oh my...so much to consider. 

"Alive In You"

The Trail of Honor

I think I'm becoming a pretty good "watcher". Well, getting there...

With all of the drama I deal with from junior and senior high students...having to discern what is true or not in their hormone-driven wars...

With all of the conflict I have dealt with in employment scenarios...the varying perspectives, convictions, talents, needs, power struggles, emotions...

I've found a few strategies to navigate what's really going on...what the truth is.

Asking the Holy Spirit for direction is definitely a "must". Scripture says that God's ways and perspectives are far beyond our own. In humility, we can ask for the truth to rise up...or for the trust that He has all things in His hands with no need for my thoughts or fingers.

And then there's something I tell my kiddos over and over again...we can look for the "trail of honor".

What the heck am I talking about?

* Who is speaking out the value of others rather than attacking it?
* Who is communicating all kinds of info to rally "teams" or "sides"?
* Who is fact-checking and who is not?
* Who is accusing or using polarizing verbiage?
* Who is holding confidences and who is justifying gossip?
* Who is feeding a victim mentality and who is calling for an upgrade?
* Who is assuming the worst?

This is the "trail of honor".

Why is it important?

The "trail of honor" doesn't seek to destroy or further perpetuate conflict. It doesn't need to create enemies to move forward. It stands for something higher. And for me...that's usually the path to truth.

Soulful Disappointment in People

God is so very good. If you know me, you know that the statement in the face of a storm is a major miracle and milestone. Through tough situations, God can be an anchor...a source of peace, perspective and wisdom.

It's people who disappoint me...honestly, I have to say it.

For all of the plans that God has, His desire is to have human agreement...partnership...that we would align our free will with His goodness. All too often, though, humans grab onto previous woundings, pinhole perspectives and subsequent assumptions/judgments and then say/do things that contribute to destruction and division.

I've done it. I've experienced it. And I'm just plain tired.

I've had to witness several, serious situations this year where the choices of people created circumstances that were so very unfortunate and so potentially destructive. And to be honest...there are several of us that have had to practically kill ourselves (stepping in to compensate in places or stand for tough things in others) so that others today can enjoy the privilege of being angry because of love for someone rather than anger for very apparent messes of dysfunction.

My disappointment is so grave that I am experiencing just a soulful grief...an exhaustion no sleeping pill could touch.

So...I'm really working hard to stand on the goodness of God, agreeing with what He wants to do as far as I can align my free will, my strengths and hurt heart with Him...and the reality is that I have had to...have been able to...accept that I don't need to be a part of the complete solution anymore.

I've actually adopted the perspective of having an exit in mind right now to keep being able to deal with other people's junk and a few people's lofty opinions based on limited perspective. A "this can be over for me soon" mentality. At least that's what is helping me plod forward right now...a letting go of having to see it through...having a perspective of an end in sight.

I've already made decisions regarding work. I've only committed for one more year in my teaching job. (Honestly, if I can get my sweet husband to find a job that could take us away for even a year, I'd step out sooner. Hehe.) And, I've committed at church to getting my dad to a place of complete retirement in the next few months so he doesn't have to be stressed/used/abused in his position anymore...free to be who he is made to be with no grief. And even more, so that a new leadership (sans me) can take its place. At that point, I will be free to evaluate my role in serving, if any. I might just be freed to be more "me" too.

A discipline that has been helpful for me in addition to owning the fact that I don't have to see it all through is gratitude. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had and cards I've written expressing thankfulness for the dedication and commitment of people who, for the better part of a year, have sacrificed and fought for investment in people as they are made/called to be. People who have poured out their hearts, strengths, and tears and who have offered prayer after prayer after prayer for God's will to be done.

So, there it is. I'm exhausted. I'm disappointed in people. But, I'm so confident in God's goodness...a perspective that is helping me let go of needing to be involved and a perspective of gratitude for moments of righted, broader perspective.

It ain't easy...but it WILL be good.

Triune Oneness

“The loving oneness of the church is to reflect the loving oneness of the Trinity. Indeed, the loving oneness of the church is to participate in the loving oneness of the Trinity: “As you . . . are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us.” As we participate in God’s loving oneness, we replicate this loving oneness among ourselves. And as we replicate this loving oneness, the world sees and believes that Jesus Christ is sent from the Father. The world knows the reality of the triune God because they encounter the love of the triune God in us.” 

I found this quote today...a reminder from a great, challenging book by Greg Boyd called "Repenting of Religion: Turning from Judgment to the Love of God". It struck me immediately because the verse referenced, which is a prayer Jesus spoke about the future church, is the theme verse our church strategic planning committee recently chose to embody the heart of our congregation. 

A mighty aspiration...but a crazy-difficult challenge. Well, especially for some. Wounding, judgment...I suppose there are a number of potential threats to Jesus' ideal for us. 

Still, it's an awesome calling. Oneness with the trinity...leading to love for each other...creating a powerful message for the world. 

Here's to keeping on keeping on...

The Slow Death Of The Church

These articles keep showing up in my Facebook feed. So weird considering recent events. Here's one that's been interesting to think about.

The Church That Votes For A Slow Death

Emotionally Intelligent Leadership

Oh my! Wow! This article came up on my Facebook news feed this morning, and I find it so very good and challenging. Excellent reminders to be committed to learning and growing no matter the season. Self-awareness...key.

Emotionally Intelligent Leadership

WW Wisdom

I can't tell you how many times I have watched Wonder Woman since it came out, and I have no plans to stop any time soon! It inspires me all the time! The questions she has to work through in the face of disappointment and challenge are phenomenal. I so relate.

"It's not about 'deserve'...it's about what you believe...and I believe in love!"

It's so good to check our priorities sometimes. It's easy to let other things drive our decisions and actions in ways that create destruction. I've found that I need to challenge myself on occasion to intentionally take up the lens of love...to fight for it...so that what is produced out of my frustration and sorrow isn't in agreement with the suffering (especially in a way that would perpetuate it). No, I want good to come out of challenge and sadness.

It's worth it...

Friend to You

One of my high school students said this the other day..."If you had a friend who treated you like you treat yourself, how long would you be friends?". Wow! Such a great question. We need to treat ourselves better. Be an awesome friend to YOU! :)

Ezer Rising's Post

I follow a group on Facebook called "Ezer Rising". It's a site that supports women in leadership and the philosophy of marriage called egalitarianism. I saw this post today and absolutely loved it. Jesus was such a liberator...and still is! :)

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* The women who followed Jesus were rebels.

* They talked to Jesus when it was socially discouraged.

* They discussed theological matters even though it wasn't their place.

* They sat at His feet and learned, despite the fact only a male rabbi student was allowed to do that in their day.

* They followed Jesus and served Him of their own free volition, without any man's permission.

* They preached and preached and preached about the Son of God, even when human men wouldn't give them a platform.

* Above all, they had a strong, immovable faith in Jesus that the most powerful and educated religious leaders in their day didn't have.

Like these women... be a rebel.

Nothing I Hold On To

We sang this song in worship on Sunday, and it was such a blessing to me. I went searching for it on Youtube of course but couldn't find one that captured the passion of this place/position in life. And then I found Leon Timbo! "I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open!" Yes, I will. :)

    

The Kind That Doesn't Let Go

Yes, Yes, Yes

Tragic Irony

I feel like one of the greatest ironies I will experience in life will be the notion that some of the most resistant to actually living out the realities of love, grace, restoration and unity that Jesus' death and resurrection brought about...may be those IN the church.

I just literally find myself in shock sometimes.

Maybe it's always been this way and I'm just noticing it...but it seems so blatant lately. Public to personal. Watch the news, look at social media, observe how people speak and act in the church and other faith-based organizations...it just seems so apparent lately.

It makes me heart-sick. Disappointed in people. Sad for what could be but isn't...

And I ask Jesus how to be like Him to them...instead of being like them to them. (yep...complicated wording...hehe). I don't have good answers yet...or at least don't have ones that satisfy my disappointment and sadness.

How to love...how to stand for goodness and truth...how to sometimes oppose or challenge those who should be on the same page but aren't...and how to let go...

Jesus, intervene. Help us to live better.

Who Am I Gonna Be?

I was challenged a few weeks ago to consider who I want to be...

We all face situations that push on our hearts/minds/souls/strengths/weaknesses/struggles/wounds. Some offer opportunities of delight. Others can be issues of grief, injustice, attack... It's just how life is.

If you are at all like me, I usually try to engage situations strategically...finding the path to resolution as quickly as possible. I'm a huge fan of finish lines. But...I realized I never stop to view the trial through a formative lens. I don't ask myself what this process could be building in me (or us in the community sense).

It turns out...maybe the goal of the journey isn't as much the specific issue at hand...maybe it's the "becoming" along the way...

So, that's what I'm doing. I have some things that need strategy, but I'm not ignoring the big question along the way.

This Is How I Fight My Battles

An unusual communion song...and a great message for the heart. My sister played this for me last night and I was undone!!!

"This is how I fight my battles...at Your table."

"It may look like I'm surrounded, but I'm surrounded by You."

"Nothing is as strong as Your blood."

"Your blood and Your body have overcome."

Man, what a great reminder!!! Communion with Jesus...meeting him at the table of communion...is the place of connection where we can really "push back" against the battles that come our way.

"You've already overcome." Amen.

Surviving the Internal Reality of Another

Sometimes we are at the mercy of another person's internal world.

Our "grids", our wounds, our beliefs or judgments (whether true or not) are the lenses through which we see people or situations. Interpreting what we see through those potentially fogged lenses, we choose how we want to speak or act.

And because of our extreme value for our respective lenses...we can actually feel penned in by how others see situations. A "no win" situation. That or we could be the one doing the penning...

Because a person's internal world is really unchangeable unless they choose a different perspective themselves, I've found it critical lately to consider how to live in the context of someone else's reality. A critical question because I've not found confrontation to elicit much change of view.

* Sometimes we just plain don't have to deal with it. I guess abandoning ship is always an option...though, for me, I struggle with that being over-used. We've tended to become a bit weak in America in over-assessing danger that requires retreat...when we could be rising to do hard things.

* We could just let their reality become our own...or at least become the dominant and ruling perspective. That, however, would be quite unsettling...as we aren't simply meant to survive life under someone else's mind-thumb. How cruel.

* Ideally, mutual parties could be open to the potential imperfections in our respective realities. Because of value for all people (and thus perspectives), we could commit to respect the internal worlds of others and then compromise. Alas, that would take very willing, non-threatened parties...

But how does one proceed in situations where personal conviction is NOT retreat but the other very much intends to have their internal world rule circumstances???

Sigh.

I think it's important to acknowledge the value of our own realities and not allow someone else's to internally discredit our own. I get to hold my story dear...it's my right...and I get to agree to disagree with their truth. In nurturing a healthy reality, we must be vigilant about filtering the messages of another. We can hear them, but we don't need to fully receive the fiery arrows of accusation. As such, it is absolutely appropriate to stand up for appropriate treatment. Their perspective may not change, but they will discover a boundary of how I will be treated.

In that personal validation, though...I'm realizing that we need to have an even greater value for improving our own internal world. We need to be open to adjusting perspective...healing our defaults, being broadened...so that we can have the best life experience possible. Though the other party may never adjust, I can improve my reality in the friction. A life unhindered by self-centered priorities...how fulfilling.

And I guess for me...because my internal world is ideally becoming evermore in line with the reality of the divine...it is important to center my reality in who God is and what God sees. He is the God of shalom-peace (Hebrew: wholeness, health and harmony) and has that peace as a substantive gift for my world. While the opposition may be flopping around like a fish out of water, I can be enveloped in the deep waters of His goodness...and not be rocked...and speak/act/PRAY from a place of rest.

Trying to put that into practice more...and trying to make sure my world isn't inappropriately encroaching on others...

Pursuing Options...Finding Some More Jesus

It was just such an awful end to the year for my job...enough that I've been left just spinning. Still in shock from the situation...frustration with Christians...offense at such a blow to something I've poured my life into (something I believe in and know can work)...subsequent conflicted sense of personal direction... Yep, it's been so messy.

BUT...one thing I've realized is that my sense of God's goodness has not been shaken. If you know me at all, you know that's a breakthrough. I've been studying and meditating on the goodness of God for about a year, hoping to have the concept internalize into a heart-reality. So, the good news is that I wasn't robbed of my God-sense this time.

It has been my sense of "me" and my faith in fellow-Christians...rocked.

So, I decided to start looking for other jobs this summer. Honestly, I think I needed to do so. I've felt taken advantage of for so many years...believing in what a place does and could be can make for perfect "use and abuse" scenarios. The downside of vision. Being that my vision has been a bit more rocked, I began the hunt.

The awesome thing is that I actually have had some options!! I think I've thought myself not marketable because of being used for so long. Not true. I definitely needed to find out I can be useful elsewhere.

That said...after one particular offer, I found myself asking God if this was the open door for a major life change. Lots of internal conflict, lots of prayer, lots of advice...

I feel like God spoke!! He tends to be initially in the smaller details for me...the hints of a treasure hunt. Through a few different sources, I heard reference to 2 John in the Bible...a letter written to a lady who teaches the young. And in the words of that letter, I felt a confirmation to stay planted for now. To not move on in reaction to a mess but to steward what is left...for now. One more year of stewarding that assignment...

Jesus works with us to bring His love and His kingdom. Sometimes that means taking on the hard things...for a little while longer. What we write together for the next chapter???...it will be built on a foundation of stewardship and faithfulness... I'm so in love with the potential of that...joyful and hopeful for the future.

So, I'm thanking God for walking with me through this challenging time. I have a lot more to process and bring to a place of peace, but taking the moment to pursue alternatives has led me on to even more of His "real"...that's good news.

Remember

Been loving this song lately...encouraging.

  

He Left!!!

I'm not so sure what I think of house church arrangements, but the perspective of Francis Chan regarding his departure from the "big" church is so...refreshing. I couldn't agree more. "We are Church" is his new venture, and his challenge to not build around the gifts of one person is delightful. I like it for so many reasons...I think it limits pride, it appreciates the contributions of all and doesn't wrongly empower (the rich, the beautiful, the extrovert, etc.), it provides relational investment that really yields growth, it directs funds to real "work"...on and on and on. I feel like my community has accomplished some of this, but there is definitely room for growth. Would LOVE to see more and more and more...in so many realms.

 

Get Me Outta Here...Maybe?

Someone shared something in church on Sunday that resonated completely with some of my concerns of late. They shared an impression they had (a word) from God that was so "nail on the head" that I had to verbally "AMEN!" that thing.

"The name of Jesus without the love of Jesus...is a lie."

Again, let me say...AMEN!!!

And truthfully...this is a MAJOR problem with the church in America. (And by "church", I mean local churches, church systems, Christian institutions and organizations, groups and individuals...and I even mean it about the "Lone Ranger Christians" who withdraw to religiously judge from a distance...anyone who would say they are "Jesus-people".) It's a problem I believe every single one of us needs to consider.

It is best demonstrated for me right now in how the church in America "eats its own". Excommunication is alive and well. The witch hunt is alive and well. "Us" vs. "Them". Shame, slander, smear campaigns... Assumption of evil without investigation...slaughter houses for the innocent, broken and lost. Verbal ascent to redemption and restoration with no real action in the least. The arrogance of Christian religion (standing for things in the name of Jesus) with a complete disconnection from the relationship realities of Jesus (embraced by and living out His love)...justified "burning at the stake" all over the place.

And it's a total lie. A lie from the enemy of Love. One that I have such anger over...

Because really...how is love-depleted, "religious" Christianity any different from other religions that push "law" over "love"??? Like the others...I feel that approach, absent the relational impact of the person of Christ who is the embodiment of the love of God, is dead, nothingness...just identity propped up by "striving" (the doings of duty)...a striving that often elicits the destruction of others to build up self. As my ragamuffin friend said...zombies are real. The walking dead...in the church.

Quite a crossroads for me right now related to this issue...a feeling of wanting to withdraw completely from association with these unhealthy, religious people but also not wanting to withdraw from legitimate community like the extreme isolation (also unhealthy in my view) of the Lone Ranger types.

Caught between two ditches...

And here's the quandary...I want my destiny to be about living and loving forward. Kingdom realities lived out now...which should not mean always having to STAND AGAINST people who should be my own "kind". It makes me nauseous to think that my mission field, so to speak, is for those who think they are glorifying God by being arrogant, rabid dogs chewing on people I love, people God loves... Jesus didn't entertain the aggression of Pharisees but occasionally...so why should I? (Well...until the end, at least, when they ultimately killed him...sigh). So how can I live and even work professionally so that my interactions with the "religious" are few and far...?

Sigh...contemplation...

Candid

I'm in a season of saying out loud exactly what my heart/mind is really asking. I have been able to do that on occasion in my history (some evidenced in this blog of course...which has saved my life), but I feel I've largely withheld my questions or aches in the face-to-face interactions of my life.

* In some of my realms of involvement, I've felt like I have to "play the game"...calculated moves and political strategy. (Working with invested people in boards and committees, dealing with donors and their children, etc. will quickly teach someone how to do that.)
* In other areas, I feel like my "pleaser" personality has placed me second to the opinions and convictions of others.
* Still others, though, have been driven by my own fear. Yep...I've been concerned too much with being judged for my perspectives, so I've chosen cowardice.

Recent events have brought me to a place of...to be honest...who the hell cares? I'm so sick of being penned in anymore. The consequences are beyond what I'm willing to carry anymore. So...I'm going to hold myself accountable now to be more candid...with myself, with others. And honestly, I think I'm going to feel far more free from some of the oppression I've had to deal with from elitists because I'm honoring my heart and what I think is true for the situations, but even more...I'm going to learn some amazing things from people who have the courage to be more real (in my observations of how they do things but also in their responses to my new craze).

Kingdom Here

Though I'm not a fan of the country style of the song (Sorry, it's me, not you. Hehe.), the words are a reflection of my heart. The kingdom concepts are so, so dear to me. Yep...sitting in these lyrics. A bit of a return to "home" in these words. :)

Had My Fill of Elitists

Oh my...

It's so true. I've reached my absolute limit.

Elitists. The people that view themselves as...elevated, superior, better, greater, distinguished...because of money, intellect, talent, status, performance, beliefs, etc. They can fly solo if they want, but they usually are found in rabid packs flexing their muscles of prowess.

Cross them???...Watch out! Your destruction and demise are "Priority #1". No time for "full stories", "agree to disagree" or compromise of any sort, being on the perceived opposite side will elicit a head-hunting of gargantuan proportions. Everybody, RUN!!!

I just don't have the patience or heart to deal with them anymore. Watching how they consume perceived opposition like a pack of hyenas...it has utterly broken my heart. So, so, so very wrong.

So...what to do? I have no clue. Typically, I'd spend time asking God to give me His heart for them...to give me love. But right now...I'm so tapped out...just so done. Sigh. I do know I don't want to ironically become like "them"...elitist in regards to my distaste for elitists...but that's about all I know.

So, Jesus, have your way. I don't have it in me, so have at it. :)

Praying Things Forward in Worship

Here's the "pray things forward" song of late. Sometimes, we enter seasons in which the enemy is very actively pushing and gaining some ground. Our response as loved ones of God can be to stand in the truth of who God is, who we are because of Him...and push back in prayer.

Prayer for me can be a challenge because there are situations I want to pray about but can't find all the words to speak. Visual prayer is what helps me, especially in the context of worship. What I do is surrender my whole mind (intellect and imagination) and whole heart to God and then bring the situation into the context of the music. I sing the words over the situation and picture the situation in context of God's identity and the true identity and calling of all involved. I visualize those involved and the storm of conflict in obedience to and in the grace of the sentiment of the song. It can be a massive challenge if I am singing it over an opponent, but in the end...it is the greatest position of empowerment.

When we can place ourselves in the reality of God and what He is doing, we become more free from limited perspectives or emotional reactions. (Proverbs 18:10...The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe.) We can actually gain wisdom in how to act or not. Regardless, we find a place of inner stillness in the storm, and from that place we can declare...push forward...what God's will and way would be.

The enemy hates it...so I do it more. :)

When your faith doesn't fit...

Hubs and I went to an awesome retreat this weekend by Joel Warne of Wellspring Life Resources. It was actually themed as a retreat for those going through the aging process but was very well suited for anyone grieving loss or experiencing a transition. There were many points that stood out to me, so I might write a few blogs about those as I sit in them longer.

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The seasons when my faith just doesn't seem to fit...

Perhaps you can relate to this. It certainly has been a challenge for me on occasion over the years (and is right now). A moment of death (a change, a challenge, a loss) in which what you thought you knew about God or in your faith isn't seeming to fit just right anymore...

And, of course, the introspective questions in a season of "faith friction" are usually shame-based. "What am I doing wrong that allows what "worked" yesterday to be lacking today? Is something wrong with me? Is God disappointed in me?" It can be a hamster wheel of self-condemnation that can actually take us from relationship with the divine to a state of doubt, disillusion and despair.

The enemy is quite equipped to help us rob ourselves of a beautiful process...an unfolding or emerging of a gift.

Joel reminded us of the story of Mary at the empty tomb of Jesus. (Mary at Jesus' Empty Tomb) Initially, Mary doesn't recognize Jesus when he speaks to her. When He says her name, she is suddenly aware. Of course, after yelling out "Teacher!" (which is how she knows Jesus), she wants to touch Him...to hold on to Him...in the joy she is experiencing in her heart. Interestingly, He cautions her not to because He has not yet ascended to His Father.

What in the world does this have to do with our faith not fitting sometimes???

How Mary knew Jesus before the cross wasn't going to fit the new situation she was entering. He wasn't just "Teacher" anymore. He was something much different. He was now the resurrected Jesus...and her understanding of Him was about to explode into something far more awesome than she ever imagined. A Jesus beyond her current understanding but "fit" for the new life circumstances she would be entering.

And her story is a gift to us. Who we've known Jesus to be or how we've understood our faith up until now will likely not be the same as the gift of "new" that is coming our way on the other side of our challenge. Through and past those "cross" moments is a "faith fit" meant for us.

So...our invitation as we walk through...keep holding on. Keep wrestling. In the loss or struggle, keep coming to the tomb to see where Jesus is, and be open to the fact that He just might show up in a new and "fitting" way...

Sitting in Prodigal Scripture

Living in the prodigal son story again lately. I think there's a new gift of understanding for me in it. Praying so anyway...can feel it.

One of the suggested engagement strategies that I referred to in an earlier blog is to interact with artistic works on particular Scriptures. These are two that I'm mesmerized by lately...a bit of a return to powerful lessons of yesterday from church (but ones that never get old). First, how the father ran to the son. Second, the embrace. So, so wonderful.

Let It Happen

Oh my goodness...I've needed this song so badly! My pandora played this today...and my heart was full! I'm planning to do soaking prayer with it later today!!! (Shout out to my ragamuffin friend...living in His embrace.)

Scripture Engagement

I stumbled on this (link below) yesterday when I went searching for the verse of the day on biblegateway.com. They have several activities that can assist a person in engaging with Scripture more. I'm so excited!

I read in Blue Like Jazz a reference to the Bible becoming more like chocolate than a salad. Not wanting my faith to simply be about the Holy Book (but a launching pad to more...to the God of Scripture), I've been so hungry for exercises that help me "dig in" and discover.

Yay, Yay, Yay!

Scripture Engagement

How Offended Do We Want To Be?

We need to do some serious self-reflection. Serious.

I've been involved in a few situations now where it is very clear that someone is looking for ways to be offended...or validate an offense with all kinds of "evidence". (And before going further, I need to acknowledge that I can easily do the same.)

Not okay. In fact, I would go so far as to say that this mindset is inwardly and outwardly destructive...and irresponsible.

I know that's harsh...but I feel it is a necessary critique of what we tend to do with our broken hearts and misunderstandings. We have hurts and confusion...old ones, new ones, for ourselves, for others...and we can't minimize them in the least. We do, however, have a responsibility to steward our hurts well. When we don't???...that's when we can permit ourselves to relinquish accountability and perpetuate realities we ultimately don't really desire.

In our hearts, what God desires for us (and what I think we really want for ourselves) is peace. Not hurt-driven insecurity or immaturity. Not desperation. Not retaliation. Not mass destruction. We want peace. And, that peace...it's not passive acceptance, keeping our mouth shut and "taking it". No, the shalom-peace of the divine is an inner reality of health, wholeness and harmony. And, it's a peace that overflows to tough situations, tough people...

The truth is...it's easier to live in offense. Peace...all the health, wholeness and harmony available to us...is hard work. It's worth it, though...and I think its pursuit is a reflection of our truly beautiful, authentic, human design.

So, here's a challenge for us...time to quit taking the easier road of offense, put on the "big girl panties" of personal accountability and seek peace.

Religious Woes of Christianity

"As with most religions, [Christianity] has set itself up as the guardian of the knowledge of good and evil rather than the example of how to transcend the knowledge of good and evil by living in love."

Whoa, baby! What a sting! And I, of course, absolutely love it!!!

The quote comes from Repenting of Religion: Turning from Judgment to the Love of God by Greg Boyd. It is a wonderful challenge (to those who refer to themselves as "Christian") to not live from an identity that is propped up by knowledge but to return to a life lived from the reality of the Trinity and the love received from God. The implications of "rightness" are massive, often sacrificing the "first" call to love. And, of course, a tragic implication is to rob faith of its primary design for relationship with the Trinity and instead create a box of religion to fit into and judge from...

Jesus never came to set up a religion...

Triggers

"Triggered" is a word that definitely grates on me these days. SO overused. I mean honestly...can we really be triggered into emotional/mental suffering or even breakdown when our favorite kind of donut is sold out at the bakery? How about when someone disagrees with our opinion??? Give me a break...get some counselling.

BUT...as I experienced this weekend...there definitely are legitimate experiences that can bring us back to intense fear, pain, sorrow and stress.

One of my moments of intense heartbreak involved my mom's cancer battle. Watching someone you love experience immense suffering can break you...that's my experience anyway. A blend of their suffering and our inability to make it stop, a traumatic blow to the soul is unleashed...one that can create an inconsolable sorrow, immense fear and a wound that takes eons to heal.

My mom recovered, thankfully...but my heart to this day has memory of her suffering...my suffering. While aspects of my wound have been healed, the scars can be pressed sometimes. That pressure...oh my, it can be a challenge.

That was my weekend. Days of "fly by" reminders of cancer. The circumstances weren't identical to my mom's situation...thankfully, no cancer in the end...but there were qualities that at minimum begged some questions for me and prompted emotion for then and now.

Here's the thing. I'm a "with God" kind of lady. That's the goal of my life, it seems...to keep learning how to live in the reality of the Trinity. While messy for me this weekend, I'm discovering that "with God" it is a good thing to bring the "triggers" near and embrace them. (As Greg Boyd would say, "embrace the suck!".) I don't need to get ahead of Him and live in the potential of suffering as the reality of my heart, but I can step with Him into the questions and receive His peace.

So...much prayer this weekend. Centering prayer for my heart, prayers for healing and provision and peace for the health situation of one I care for deeply. Much conversation with my Mr. Right too...what a blessing he is in directing me back to God.

Lots of "real" but lots of His "real" in it.

Preemptive Love

I've been so impressed with this organization. Preemptive Love Coalition "wages peace" in places that have been war-torn...places people are usually fleeing. They don't provide biased assistance...reaching out to displaced Muslims and Christians alike in the fire storm of ISIS. They have some amazing programs for food delivery, business partnerships with men and women so they can provide for their families and even outreaches to people guilty of war crimes. Gutsy work!!! Today, they released a video of a Christian church in Mosul that was able to celebrate Easter today. Powerful!

"For" or "With"...

It's amazing how a change of one word can alter an entire concept or experience. One word!

We've been discussing a series in our sermon prep group about people taking their place in actually living more fully for God. It can be easy to take our faith (and the grace extended to us) and settle into a comfortable life. Heck, it's the "American way" really. Me, me, me. ;) That, or we can easily slip into a life that's a nice copy of someone else's call. Not "bad" but not original. Jesus actually calls us to a life of more...a life of discovery AND expression. Looking at the world around us, we so need more people to take their place in God's great narrative. 

The question is...life FOR God or life WITH God. 

Those words...for vs. with...can produce very different lives. 

For me, "for God" can be good, but I don't think it's the fullest reality of life we are made for. It can be a good place to start, but to stay there would be to remain satisfied with milk as opposed to meat. Greater maturity is offered to us and asked of us in my opinion. In addition to fullness of faith, I believe there is a potential for the faith of "for" to become religious or pharisaical...letting our "doing" be what gives us life or a sense of identity. Looking at history and events of the day, there is plenty of evidence as to the destructive potential of that kind of religiosity...

Certainly, there are beautiful things that can be expressed in living "for" God. It's not "bad" in and of itself. But is it all we are made for?...I don't think so. 

The Trinity at their core are relational, and that reality is the basis for what I think we are called to. A life "with" God. I believe it's Their nature to invite humans into Their relational context. They are "with" and can't help but to invite us into "with". Their "with" is, of course, identity-filling...the true source of life and light in the center of our being. To know whose we are and who we really are as sons and daughters (and friends) of God is life-altering.

But, it dawns on me...the "with" context isn't purely for identity!!! We aren't filled to keep that life to ourselves. Our "doings" in the context of "with"...??? Oh my...being a partner with God in the expression of His love and kingdom...co-laborer... Thinking more and more about that is so very exciting to me.

Yay! Bring it, Jesus! 

Great Sermon Challenge

Hubs and I went to Woodland Hills Church on Sunday for what I thought was a Q&A/debate on Boyd's new book about the God of the Old Testament reconciled with Jesus. It ended up that I misunderstood the timing, so we had the opportunity to be a part of the service instead. Fantastic sermon by a visiting pastor, Bruxy Cavey.

The sermon offered great advice for creating a genuine, safe place for the sharing of differing opinions, wonderful challenge to be followers of Jesus and not just followers of the Bible, and of course continued discussion of Boyd's proposal regarding the God of the Old Testament.

We absolutely loved it.

Here is the link. On the right side of the site are options for audio and video. Also, there are tabs below for the sermon slides that accompanied the sermon. Enjoy!

Bruxy Cavey Sermon at Woodland Hills

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Come to the Altar

Current meditation/soaking song. Sitting in the images of the lyrics...wonderful. Letting go and experiencing more... :)

 

Good Book!

Hubs and I are reading this book with our small group!!! Oh my goodness...it's fantastic. Love, love, love it.

It presents a really fascinating portrait of what happened with the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and all of the implications with that fall, and it presents the beauty of the trinitarian life we were designed to know...and could begin to know as reality today. Phenomenal.

I'm not sure this is the best representation of the awesomeness that I'm reading...but here's the description from amazon.com.

"We human beings are burdened by our tendencies to harshly judge others and ourselves. Unfortunately for believers, this bent is as prevalent in the church as in the world. Pastor and author Gregory A. Boyd calls readers to a higher standard through understanding the true manner in which God views humanity: as infinitely worth while and lovable. Only an attitude shift in how we perceive ourselves in light of God's love can impact how we relate to people and transform our judgmental nature. Believers wrestling with the reality of God's love and Christians struggling with judging in the local church will appreciate this examination of how we move from a self-centered to a Christ-centered life."

Reaction to Constructive Criticism...Sigh

It's true. So very true. All too often, we find a disconnect regarding the value of constructive criticism. Perhaps it's a growing trend in our culture...a misunderstanding about the investment revealed by feedback.

Because it doesn't always feel good, it must be a sign of meanness...not a belief that we could actually be even better. Sigh.

I've been learning to pay attention to the responses to constructive criticism. Myself and others. Why???...because it can be so revealing of other potential issues. Insecurities, fears, pride...

What to do with what is revealed in the reaction??? Ya...that can be very complicated...

She's an egalitarian.

The older I get, the more egalitarian I get. Oh my, the complementarians will swoon. ;) I certainly respect people who disagree and love conversation, but the fact remains...egal fits me like a glove.

There, I said it. :)

Loving blogs like The Junia Project that have a ton of resources for people like me who are trying to navigate some of the in's and out's the complementarian realms of my faith.

I Just Don't Fit

I've always felt a bit different from the people in the various circles I inhabit. Maybe that's something everyone relates to... But lately...oh man, it's much, much, MUCH more intense.

Whether secular or religious, there just doesn't seem to be much "space" for variety of thought. There seems to be a lack of honor for the value of persons regardless of position that is feeding a divisiveness. The recognition of that increasing pride and judgment in pretty much every area has become increasingly offensive. People, in my view anyway, seeming stuck in "small".

So much internal friction...I can't find many places that feel welcoming to just "be" and "belong".

I will say...in my home with my hubs...sanctuary. We talk about everything under the sun and don't feel a pressure to have to agree on every topic. (Believe me...he puts up with a lot of "heresy" from me. Haha.) With some of my family...sanctuary. (Strong opinions, but an assumed love.) With some of my heart friends at church...sanctuary. (Wonderful dialogue because of assumed love.) But...from there??? Slim pickin's beyond that....at least, that's what it feels like.

What it is causing in me is this...I'm wrestling with where my place is or should be in the world. It has me questioning some of my relationships, my job, my involvements...lots and lots of questions. Sigh.

Wrestling, I know from so many stories and personal experiences, is always profitable. It's just that it's so very uncomfortable. And...maybe, just maybe...I also worry about what conclusions will be made.

So...here's to my relationship with the Trinity. They don't fail. Pushing through... :)

He's Getting You Ready

Man, it's been a such a challenging season. Probably a culmination of many things, I've been just trudging through each day with great frustrations. I've definitely had to utilize some strategies to keep my head up...and I'll blog more about those soon. This clip came up on my Facebook feed the other day, and I found it quite encouraging. We will keep on keeping on! ;)

If only we have more love...

The Word for 2017

Every year at New Year's I spend some time looking back and looking ahead. You see, each year I ask God to give me a theme word for the year, and then I try to evaluate all of my "doings" accordingly. A measuring stick. So when I sit at New Year's and consider the past year, I'm amazed at the lessons I've learned, the challenges I've hopefully risen to meet (and the failures too)...the many ways God has woven the word through my experiences and how He has expanded meaning.

My past words have been:

Change

Opportunity

Focus

Restoration

Empowered

I've been talking to God about my word for 2017. I'm getting pieces but not the major theme yet. I feel like it will involve something with determination and/or hunger. I sense a combination of wonder and gumption and zeal. But that's as far as I've gotten!!! Haha! So...God better give me some more clarity ASAP! ;) 

Too Much Time!

Oops...looks like I haven't blogged in forever! It's been a bit of a whirlwind, but I can so tell that my heart needs this kind of forum to think and process. Back at it! :)