Wait for Blessing

I'll tell you what...there are moments in my life when it profoundly dawns on me that the times of waiting were well worth it. Case in point...my Mr. Right. :)

I know, I know...neither of us is perfect, and we will have our up's and down's...but in the entire scheme of things, he is one of the biggest miracles of my life.

On Friday, he asked me to meet him at Caribou at a certain time. When I arrived, there he was with a rose. The reason???...it was the anniversary of our very first date. (Well...date to him...to me, it was our first interview. Haha!) Yes, he is so very sweet and romantic.

And then on Sunday, it was my turn to do the sermon at church. When I got done, he leaned over and encouraged me so much. He feels that one of his callings is to help release me in what I'm made for. What a huge blessing!!! (I'm gonna do the same for him.) :)

I don't know...it has me thinking. Sometimes, we make terrible decisions in our dissatisfaction with waiting. The delay of desire can become so uncomfortable that we manipulate and manufacture to make things happen a bit faster. Oh my...potentially a HUGE disaster!! But waiting for His good time...while difficult...really is the best choice. His plans are so much better than we could ever dream up. Well worth the wait. :)

The (Single) Christian...Awesome Article!!

Complimentarian vs Egalitarian aside...this is one heck of an awesome article!!! 49% of Americans are single but only 1/3 are represented in churches??? Wow...sad. Time for the church to stop idolizing married life. Yep. True. :) 

It's only available for a week online...so read it ASAP!!!

The (Single) Christian

City Builders

Kevin and I are going to be city builders too. "Rebuilding old ruins"..."celebrating steps". Goodness and Grace, baby! YES!!!

Post by Bethel.tv Redding.

Shores

Enlightenment and...Arrogance?

I was talking to a lady yesterday. She was troubled by some friends who've become so very arrogant in a new-found state of spiritual enlightenment. (In this case the enlightenment has been to give up faith for atheism, but I've seen the same response from some people who are declare enlightenment in their faith as well.)

My issue...shouldn't we have an expectation of "enlightenment" that such breakthroughs would cause a more beautiful state of humanity??? Humility, selflessness, compassion, altruism...??? I guess that would be my "proof" of sorts that would give weight to someone's liberty of thought.

But...umm...when the paradigm shift permits arrogance, selfishness, belittling, small living...well...I just don't give it much validity. Confidence is a good thing. True strength is a good thing. Being a selfish jerk...is not.

The whole conversation just has me thinking. Considering shifts I've felt are "enlightenment" or "awakening"...and hoping they've been most truly liberating and releasing in my life. The kind that creates more authentic identity and destiny, more positive impact and inspiration in the world around me...more loving and living outward.

Hmm....

Stress and Perception

Well...what a stressful week and weekend! Good stuff mostly...but sheesh...it never ended.

One of the things I've noticed is how much my stress level and subsequent exhaustion can really impact my perception of things. In the moment it's so hard to remind myself "Hey, remember you are stressed...things aren't likely to be what they appear.". Sigh.

I ended the weekend with a tough challenge to the heart. Add to that the impact of stress and exhaustion...oh Lord, my heart took a spin. Big hot buttons for my heart are embarrassment and being left in the lurch. I guess they both kind of access a weird abandonment place. So...whether or not both of those were truly a part of the situation...my perception was definitely skewed. Sigh.

What's so strange is I was half-aware of the possibility of the stress impact during the whole thing. I guess my introspective nature...a little self-awareness...comes in handy sometimes. So while part of me was fighting massive hurt, the other was trying to remind myself that I could really only be a little hurt, that I could just walk in forgiveness and move on. Sigh.

What a doozy of a heart tornado.

Thank God for God though. I guess I'll leave it to Him to work out...and just rest in Him. Whatever goes on, He is Who He is...the rock I run to. From the worst to the least, He walks with me through it all. Turns out...His perception trumps all. What a peaceful place to be.

Can't Change

Interesting quote I heard this week. Made me laugh out loud.

"You can't change the proud. You can't change the stupid. You can't change the selfish. You can only change your underwear."

Hmm. Words to live by. ;)

The "Heart" Man

Oh my...I struck gold with my Mr. Right. Finding a real "heart" man...was definitely worth waiting for!!! Yep!!!...I'll say it again to single women everywhere...waiting for God's timing has been the absolute best decision!! God is so good.

It's been a hugely stressful season...August always is with school prep. Adding into that my friend's mom who is passing and my friend's deep sorrow, a friend who is moving on, and just a lot of other sad things...I've been so overwhelmed. Well, Mr. Right swoops in being his wonderful self, and on one night when I was sad, he came over, listened and quoted me Forrest Gump. YES!!! Pretty amazing.

"Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks."

Wedding Planning...and Help

So here's an interesting discovery. While I'm trying to plan out the details of the upcoming wedding, I have a ton of people offering to help. And taking help....has NEVER been easy for me. Never.

Some of it is that I want people to be able to be at the wedding instead of assisting with everything.

Some is that...from ministry experience...not all help is "help". Hahaha.

Some, though, is a kind of pride. In a false humility, I may not want to be a burden to others. And in self-reliance, I don't want to admit I can't do it all myself.

Interesting...what my response to help can reveal. Sigh.

But...there's so much to celebrate!!! So letting people be a part of that special event is a sort of gift too. Honoring their hearts and their talents. Cheers to that!

Justice

Uffda...should probably clarify some of my ramblings.

Returning to "normal" life soon...and one of my friends isn't joining me. While so good for her...ugh...I'm so sad about injustice she has experienced. Right now her absence is reminding me that workplace abuse is alive and well in the world of education. Maybe it's an ok reminder though...it'll keep me vigilant that treatment of that sort doesn't happen again. Sigh. Sad stuff.

For the life of me, I'll never understand...why people need to make others the "enemy" instead of healthily working out their grievances. So tragic.

The good news???...God doesn't let our valleys be the end of our story. Here's to His restorative work...and hopefully a dose of justice for all. ;)

Letting Go...Painful

One of those tricky moments...ugh.

The kind where there aren't really words that can...and maybe even should...be uttered. Trapped between the need to support and release and a whole lot of concerns about the whole person. I don't know...those moments when enough experience actually contributes to a lack of peace...

I'm working hard to not let satan do what he does best...introduce fear, suggest hurt or insult, inspire frustrations. Sigh. Standing against the things that can become a negative foothold but still processing the reality of loss.

Change in life...sucks. Especially when it comes to people you love.

Sigh.

Here's to kingdom realities that can...and hopefully will...trump the potential for negative across the board.

We need to be people who intentionally bring His goodness. We need to see people as more than minds and bodies. We need to take the whole person seriously, and as such, we need to also invest in the heart. True "becoming" is unleashed in intentionality...in the nurture and encouragement of the whole person. No particular system is perfect at it...but the Holy Spirit is. God, have Your way.

End of Religion

This sermon is just changing my life! Wow! Interesting to consider!

The End of Religion Part 2

Ministers in the Night

I've been sitting in Psalms lately for my devotions. The "130's" to be exact. :) When I read Psalm 134, I was immediately drawn to some different "takes" on some of the words...and it felt appropriate to share.

The Psalm is talking to the "servants of the Lord" who specifically "minister by night". I would suppose the literal meaning was the night shift of the temple, but it struck me how many people in my life "minister by night" in the sense of stepping into another's darkness or nightmare every day. The ones who run into the burning houses of life while everyone else is fleeing the scene. Such heroic and precious people.

Well, I love how it directs those people to a beautiful word..."sanctuary". It's the place of safety, presence and peace. Walking with someone in their hell...or dark night of the soul...is so very hard on the heart of the minister as well. They need to have those moments of sanctuary to have their compassionate hearts nurtured and filled.

What a great reminder that the God who crafted the heavens and the earth is that very same God who brings comfort and peace. So, ministers in the night????...know you are seen for your gifts! And, know there is rest for your mercy-driven heart!!!

Psalm 134

1 Praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord
    who minister by night in the house of the Lord.
2 Lift up your hands in the sanctuary
    and praise the Lord.

3 May the Lord bless you from Zion,
    he who is the Maker of heaven and earth.

Who Knows...He Does

I overheard a conversation today about the death of Robin Williams. One of the people made a comment that struck at my heart. He said that he knew the actor wasn't a "believer" and then commented about how sad it was that he likely wasn't in heaven.

Ugh.

I just can't do that...make sure assessments like that.

My sister Debbie has had a lot of experience with people in their last moments via her job with hospice. She says all the time that the moment of death is so very sacred. She has experienced time and again the sense that the person in the process of departing is interacting with the divine beyond our comprehension. I witnessed my own Gramma definitely experiencing something of heaven in her process of dying. She continually reached out and smiled. Holy encounters free of the limitations of earthly constraints.

So...no...I can't make a statement like that when the reality beyond our physical reality is so much more of...everything...and everything we really need.

I'm all for people knowing and loving the Jesus I do...and I'm going to do what I can to hopefully show people who He is while I'm here. Other than that, I'll entrust it to that very same Jesus to meet people here and on their way to the beyond and to do what He does best...pursue the hearts of mankind.

God in the Questions

I posted a blog yesterday wondering about married life, and God...I shouldn't be surprised...has showered me with His "view" in so many ways. Some in response to what I wrote. Thank you!!! Others without any knowledge!! Two friends texted me yesterday afternoon with some things they felt God was saying...and they had no clue I was in "ponder" mode. Great wisdom, encouragement and direction to just keep leaning on Him. God THROUGH people...so special. I also received a "random" link in my Facebook feed today...a blog about balance. And...my times with Him in the morning have been wonderful invitations to sit inside some powerful passages of Scripture. Peace with Him...God WITH us. :)

So...I say "Ponder Away!!!"...and let God meet you there. :)

One day at a time...one divine delight at a time... :)

Thinking Down the Road

Married life is on the horizon, and I've been thinking about how my life may or may not...or must...change to adjust. Don't get me wrong...I'm SUPER excited. It's just that in the midst of all of the wonderful things that will happen, there will be some adjustments and...in the reality of any change, even good ones...I'll have some losses. So, I've been doing some pondering to prepare.

One of the things that comes to mind is how crazy-busy my life gets with my job. I work a 1.4 (1.0 is full-time) to make a bit more money. A more ministry-oriented job, you know...low pay generally. ;) So, when it gets especially insane, I'm basically dead and can get lax on other things. The notion of coming home to more intentional maintenance of a household (a step-daughter, cleaning and meal preps) seems a little ominous. I want the change, but the thought of it can be a little overwhelming. Trying to figure out how to manage all that on top of what I already struggle to manage...hmm. Here's to hoping it's possible! Guessing it will be, but the getting there might be a little traumatic. Ahh!! ;)

Complicating this is the fact that any "extra" time I have is usually directed toward passions I have for speaking, writing and assisting how I can with church. Having a job that I don't love any more, these moments are like water for a parched soul. So...you can see where I'm going here...how do I do those things with the job from hell and the blessing of a new family??? Hoping it's possible too! But again...the getting there might be a little traumatic. ;)

I wish I could find a job that released me more in my passions. Sigh. Baby steps.

Whatever is headed my way, I know that processing outside of my own head is probably a good thing. That and connecting with God in all of His goodness and wisdom. He has all of this in His hands. Doing so will help me clear the fog to see all the absolutely wonderful things that are on the way...miracles right from the Father's heart.

Missing the Point

My cousin sent this to me. VERY interesting! The limitations that a sexualized culture places on identity, relationships and living to the fullest. Wow.

Was Bonhoeffer Gay and Other Adventures in Missing the Point

Life-Changing Sermons

One of the things I love about my summer vacation is gardening. Flowers, flowers, flowers. Enhancing my time outdoors, I love to catch up on podcasts from Bethel Church and Woodland Hills Church. (Bill Johnson and Greg Boyd always give me something to think about.) These sermons have been on replay. They've been changing my perspective greatly. 

Being Transfigured

Theology of Empowering Women Pt 1

Theology of Empowering Women Pt 2

Desire: To Despair or Really Live

My brain has been churning on the topic of desire lately. Something very beautiful about humanity actually. What would we be without our passion and longing? Less than human for sure.

We all live with some unmet desires though. And that...well, that can be a major problem. Sadly, it can be a challenge to live...truly live...with unmet desire and so we can tend to put that desire to sleep within. The tragedy, though, is that doing so puts parts of our hearts to sleep too. So sad. If we don't kill the desire, we can choose to live out of a kind of despair over the desire. Depression entwined with manipulation and manufacturing...all to force the desire. Unfortunately...it tends to create facades of living or a desperation that actually robs us of life. Life lost to despair.

Actually living...enjoying a quality of life right alongside the "realness" of unmet desire...now that's gutsy. Courageous really. Not that I'm an expert remotely, but I've found...in baby steps...that embracing the goodness of God enables such a life. I don't mean an intellectual assent to "goodness"...I mean a heart reality where we can delight in who He is as a good Father and really wrestle with our longing in His presence. We can enjoy the safety of harbor in His presence (rest, comfort, direction) and see the goodness of His gifts in His timing (living in His "now" as opposed to our sense of the immediate).

We aren't meant to live with a sleeping heart or a despairing one. That means God has actually made it possible to live fully regardless of circumstances.

It has me praying lately. I understand the longing...so sad to see people give up... :(

Anchored in His Goodness

The day of great anticipation arrived...the day to try on dresses for the December wedding. I can't tell you the anxiety I've been feeling. Tall girls have quirky bodies to slap a bunch of white on (the "big" color) and a bunch of pouf. I had no idea if they'd even be able to fit me...and these very expensive legs. ;)

Stress....oh, the stress.

But I was so challenged by a quote that came across my Facebook feed that encouraged people to be anchored in God's goodness. To not would be to lower our theology to the level of our pain or wound.

Letting ourselves be consumed by worry...needing to control as much as possible.

No trust. No relaxing into His embrace.

So, I have been trying to slow down and rest in His goodness when the anxiety strikes. It's been difficult, but it's been possible.

The dress appointment went well. It was very emotional...quite a roller coaster actually...but in the end God's goodness was dancing all over the circumstance.

He's so very faithful. :)

Powerful Video

Wow. What a powerful video. The singer/song writer is describing her struggle with alcoholism and drug abuse...a true depiction of where the shallow, "party hard 'cause this is all we've got" focus on life can take people. A girl trapped inside a small room...a fake, performance kind of life. Amazing. And so sad.

On a happier note, the singer is now in recovery. Happy for her.

 

Engaged!

Yep...it's official! This girl is ENGAGED!!! Here's our story...hot off the presses from our webpage on theknot.com :)

First of all, let me begin by stating a fact. Kevin has always been good at pulling the wool over my eyes. Some call it "lying". Others call it "deceptive". Hahahaha. Whatever it is...he has a lot of fun at my expense. (And I fully intend to make him pay...Hehe.)

A month before he asked, we had this discussion about how we didn't need to rush into marriage and that it was okay to even wait up to two years. Of course, this was a part of his master plan, so engagement wasn't even on my horizon. Sneaky.

------------

Because it was Rachel's birthday (Kevin's daughter), he decided to take her on a trip up to Duluth, and they invited me along. He reserved a suite right on the harbor...literally feet away from the water. We had dinner and opened her gifts. It was a perfect night. 

I should add that Kevin somehow contracted food poisoning or a flu bug along the way. He was definitely not well, but he was determined to proceed with the birthday celebration. I'm not sure this was a part of his deceptive master plan, but it certainly contributed to my impression that nothing else was going on.

When we all woke up in the morning, Kevin told us that he was feeling worse. I said that we should just go home, but he was adamant that we would proceed. So we packed up and headed further north to Gooseberry Falls. Here's where I should have picked up on something...it's been a special place for us and is where I first realized I loved him...but I still had no suspicions.

When we got up there, Rachel and I decided to try geocaching. We planted Kevin on a bench and took off. Patient man. Then we all went to see the falls. It was so beautiful.

Rachel suggested we go down to the shore of Lake Superior, so we piled in the truck and drove down. Right away, I was looking on my phone for nearby geocaches, and we started looking for one. After a while, Kevin asked if we could go over to a particular bench and sit for a while. We walked over there, and I sat down. No one else did...

"So...celebrating Rachel's birthday isn't the only plan for this trip." (He puts his hand in his pocket, and Rachel starts backing up holding her cell phone to take pictures...)

I was so shocked that I must admit I started saying things like..."What?", "NO! NO WAY!!! Hell No!!"...poor Kevin. ;) What can I say though? He tricked me. ;) 

I think he thought my shocked statements might mean I'd actually say "No", so he would want me to add that he promptly forgot his original speech. Hehe. What he said was perfect though. He said he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. 

And after all the shock and confusion...I burst out bawling.

Oh...and I said "Yes". 

I have to say that it was so perfect that Rachel was there too. She kept that secret for a long time, and she actually helped pick out the ring. So special. :)

Angelou's Biggest Revelation

Maya Angelou's biggest life revelation...go to 1:45 and watch. So beautiful! :)

 

How To...Words of Knowledge

I decided to peruse the Jesus Culture website during lunch today. I love ministries that give instruction on how to be empowered in the Spirit. Here's an video on letting God have access to your mind/imagination and speaking through it to others.

Getting Words of Knowledge

Maya Angelou Quotes

Maya Angelou

Oh sad. Maya Angelou passed away. I've so enjoyed her quotes!!!!

One of my favorite pieces of advice from her was something she told Oprah Winfrey during a time of pretty intense attack. Makes me think of a friend of mine who's been targeted lately. A wonderful teacher. Angelou said..."You aren't in that!" What she meant was that it's easy to take the a personal attack and let it spit on our own spirit...let it define or frame something untrue about ourselves. The truth is that we can face a storm and NOT be defined by it...NOT receive the hurtful message of an assault in the core of our identity. YOU aren't in that....so powerful. 

Show Me Your Face

I was at a Bethel Worship event the other night (worship team from Bethel Church in Redding, CA on tour). One of the songs had a section that said, "I don't wanna talk about You like you're not in the room. I wanna look right at you. I wanna sing right to you." I decided to ask God to let me see His face so I could sing to Him.

Hahahahahaha...be careful what you ask for... ;)

So, I closed my eyes, and within seconds I was face-to-face with a huge lion. Not just a still image. I moving, breathing lion. It's eyes were piercing and focused on me. Yowza!! I was so shocked...and a little freaked out...that I almost jumped backwards. It was an encounter...not with fear...but with power. Jesus, the Lion of Judah. Amazing.

"Stop weeping! Look, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the heir to David's throne, has won the victory. Revelation 5:5

This Is Amazing Grace

I absolutely love the verses to this song. We've started singing it at church, and I think it's a beautiful picture of the possibility of more life here today. Wonderful! When we realize that we know more about church tradition or operation than actually knowing God...when we realize we have more of a relationship with His word than with Him...we have an invitation to so much more. Wholeness, freedom, relationship, encounter...today!! Here's to accepting the offer for more life today!! :)

 

What Would It Look Like?

"What would your city look like if the kingdom of God were superimposed over every realm of society? Can you imagine what would happen to the crime rate, the divorce rate, terminal diseases, hate, abortion, depression, poverty, hopelessness, molestation, rape, pornography, addictions, unemployment… if you and other dreamers began to envision the future of your city with God, and then impregnated the populace with that vision like Martin Luther King did in his day?" -Kris Vallotton from "How Heaven Invades Earth"

I saw this quote and wondered about some of the realms I am involved in. What would those areas look like if the kingdom of God was more fully released there? Envisioning a future!!! Birthing a vision!!!!! Oh, to become a dreamer on behalf of those realms!! Wow...what a beautiful calling we have.

Jesus spoke so much about what the kingdom of God looked like and that it was near. What a privilege to be released in His desire...flooding the world with compassion, hope, love, joy, goodness, provision, healing, community, stewardship, worth, creativity, inspiration...the Kingdom list goes on and on.

If you are a friend of God, this is your work! Have fun and DREAM BIG!!! :)

Friendship With God

Growing in Patience

Super interesting experience last week. I ended up posting something that provoked a little bit. It wasn't provocative to me but pushed some buttons for another.

**I should add that things that provoke thought don't really rock me too much...but maybe that's just me. I like to have something to think about...a challenge. That's why I've loved reading things by Rob Bell, Greg Boyd, Bill Johnson, Graham Cooke, etc. They offer great challenge. It doesn't mean I have to agree...although sometimes I do. Mostly it's a great sharpening exercise.

One of my friends emailed me what she thought about it which I greatly appreciated. The other responder, though, wanted to argue about it and by the end was arguing points I made at the onset as though they were still against me. I was so confused by it and as to why it was a big deal in the first place, but I was also noticing a little irritation and wanted to try to respond appropriately....so I did a little research...and some contemplating.

So...I'm a bit of a mystic. I've talked about that before. I believe it is not only possible but desired by the Trinity that we can experience a living and active relationship with God today. I believe in the gift of the Holy Spirit and the release of greater power and destiny because of that gift. I believe in the need for balance so as to not become so experiential that grounding in truth is negated, but nevertheless I believe the Holy Spirit is for today and is a source of truth (John 16:13). Because of the work of Jesus on the cross, I'm headed back to Eden in a way...where they walked with God, heard Him speak what was true, and freely walked in who He said they were because of Him. They ruled from that place. Powerful and beautiful. Of course, it's all a process...but totally a possible one...and one I believe was meant to start today...NOT AFTER DEATH.

As such, I view the Bible, God's Word, as necessary but also as a springboard into more....a guide to greater encounter with the Trinity and one of the major tools for transformation and freedom. Paired with interpretation through the lens of who Jesus is (the Word who became flesh)...humility and surrender...and empowerment by the Holy Spirit...it's a powerful key to living out kingdom life today.

I do not live solely between the two covers of the Book though...and for someone who does, some of my thoughts are problematic. Wrong even.

I'm trying to be sensitive to that. My ideas about how to interpret Scripture and then how to use it for more would come off as an insult to their main mode and definition of relationship with God. How to challenge that and not seem heretical???? I'm guessing that's an impossibility. How to at least keep a door open for communication regarding the possibility of so much more in Christ??? I don't know. If there's judgment on either side, it won't happen. I absolutely love their value of Scripture, but I also have some concerns about the implications of a Book-only life.

I'm guessing it's not realistic...and maybe that needs to be ok. At least I can take away from them a call to delight in the Word.

Blessing of Community

I'll tell you what...community matters. What a phenomenal blessing! It matters to have people around you who will encourage you in your walk. It matters to have people who will invest in the transformation of your mind through challenge. It matters to have people who will celebrate your victories and grieve your sorrows.

Don't be a lone ranger!!!

The Trinity is relational to the core. We are made to be relational...and grow within that context.

What a privilege!

Disciple of Paul...or Jesus?

"It's really important for us that the words of Jesus become more important than the words of Paul, that we see Paul's ministry through the light of the gospels and that we don't see Jesus through the light of the Epistles. That's really important. Why?...because we are following Presence. I don't want to be a disciple of Paul. I want to be a disciple of Jesus." - Graham Cooke 

Oh, I love this...Jesus is the lens for interpreting Scripture. Man...I wonder what would be modified in the church if this order of seeing and interpreting was put into practice more often. Interesting to think about. 

Vball Season Begins

I'm a sub this year for our vball team. So far I have had to play both nights, and it's been really fun. I find it so hilarious, though, how my "rules" come out....expectations in a game.

1. This is war. The other team is the enemy. Stop making nice unless it is a strategy. Hahahaha! Oh dear. I'm working on this...sort of. ;)

2. We can't get stuck in our heads with negative self-talk. It's not remotely helpful in the battle!!! Shake it off. Move on. It's all good.

3. Teamwork is the ideal. I find I actually get a high. I'm serious!! Hahaha! I love when we can each use our strengths, have focus and control, and do beautiful set-ups. Oh baby....so lovely.

4. Be teachable. No one is exempt from improvement. Take the investment. It means you have potential for more.

5. Patience. They say it's a virtue...those jerks. ;) You can still be serious about winning and be patient with progress. I have to work on that...in regards to myself too.

6. Alcohol...definitely don't get too influenced. You'll play like an idiot...because you are one. Hahaha!

Oh boy...some to work on...some to maintain. Here's to a great season! :)

Outdoor Worship Event

How fun! Helping plan an outdoor worship event at church this summer. Pretty excited to secure groups and then...worship together!! :) Not all churches or churchy people are interested in broader community events. Has to be all about "us" on our own islands, you know. Frustrating. But...some...oh yes...will come together as brothers and sisters in Christ and share His kingdom together. We shall see!

Praying for the Nigerian Girls by Name

You may have heard about the Nigerian girls that were kidnapped from their classroom by a terrorist. He has been pretty outspoken about his intents to sell and exploit them...likely already is. Someone released the names of the girls still in captivity. I'm going to be praying for those precious ones by name. Please join in! :)

 

Jesus and the Woman's Place

I'm thankful every day for the ministry involvements that I have. We are allowed to become who we are made to be in Christ.

Jesus and the Woman's Place

Religion is Anti-Me

I saw this on Facebook the other day, and I was intrigued...because I totally agree! Haha! I'm one who loves Jesus, yet I agree with an atheist about "religion". Oh man...the kind of belief that reduces faith to legalism and sin management...the Pharisaical "religion"...is so destructive. Yes, it keeps some people behaving themselves, but it robs people of real life...the kind of life that releases people into true freedom and destiny. It robs people of the ability to love beyond rules...which makes for an awful reputation of cruelty. So terribly sad.

So...yep...I believe religion is anti-me too. I won't ever go back. :)

When the Kingdom Comes in a City

This is a podcast by Kris Vallotton. I just couldn't agree more!!!!

When the Kingdom Comes in a City 

Ministry of Kindness

My high school volleyball coach is a mentor for me to this day. She's a wonderful friend too. In her words and actions she continues to remind me of the verse that says that God's kindness is what leads us to repentance.

What a fantastic reminder...and calling...I want to live like that too.

A life lived as a ministry of kindness.

I don't want to be a judge. I want to be an investor. I don't want to elevate self in pride. I want to confidently serve. I don't want to require "cleanliness" as a pre-requisite to belonging. I want to welcome and love without stipulations. I want to invite, beckon, encourage...

Hmm...things to think about.

Victor's Crown

Man, ever since the Beth Moore conference, this song has been in my heart...and rocking my socks off... :)

"Every high thing must come down. Every stronghold shall be broken..." To me it's such a beautiful picture of bringing heaven to earth. The reality of kingdom life...Jesus' resurrection life...TODAY. Mmhmm...amazing.

 

Grace for the Graceless

I think I've put my finger on the issue. Definitely seeking God for His recommendations.

I don't have grace for the graceless (at least towards the graceless by my definition).

It has always been a stark contrast for me...noticing how I can apply grace in both perspective and approach to those who seem outside the "club" of the church (Don't get me started on the ridiculousness of the "club" mentality.) but finding it absolutely revolting to apply grace to the legalistic and judgmental "saved" ones. The anger I feel sometimes for how I feel Jesus is so misrepresented by the very ones who claim His name...oh man, it can be overwhelming. I understand that I don't always display the true heart of Jesus either, but for some reason I can extend grace to myself a bit more than to "those" others. (Wow...that's probably not cool at all. Hehe.)

Yet...the frustration is not productive. It just sits there building resentment...and a disdain for association. Yep...living in judgment of the judgmental. Sigh.

Knowing that it is true that "hurt people hurt people" doesn't always help. I'm sure it should, but it doesn't. The truth is that most legalistic and/or judgmental people face a reality of fear and shame every day. A nasty, heart-crushing prison that so strongly dictates their actions. Really tragic when you think about it...but for me, it's difficult to hold on to the sympathy in the face of their cruelty to others.

What to do. What to do.

Seemingly, this is a God-sized problem. One that our tips, tricks and self-help books can't remotely address.

Show me the way, God. Show me the way.

Patience Is Tapped Out.

Patience is a virtue, they say. And if I ever find out who "they" are...there's gonna be trouble. Hehe.

For whatever reason, it seems to be a season that requires a great deal of patience, and I'm discovering that I'm lacking any reserves. Just about every "pet peeve" button has been or is being pushed. Irritations...most definitely...abound.

I think what adds to the tension is knowing that many of them can't be changed. So, putting in the energy to address situations knowing any modification is unattainable???...I'd rather just loath from a distance. Haha!

It's the grace quandary really. The grace of the invested challenge...or...the grace of the prayerful silence. Knowing when to highlight an issue and when to walk away. Sigh.

"God grant me the serenity..." or get me drugs. ;)

A Temple Without Levels

I heard a sermon last week that referred to the Jewish temple. I didn't know much of anything about the various courts inside. Quite interesting. Click here for more information on the Temple.

Of particular interest to me was all of the separation that existed within this holy place. A court for Gentiles...Jews and Gentiles could interact here, but Gentiles couldn't go further inside. Up a few stairs to the Court of Women...a place for Jewish men, women and priests to interact, but women couldn't go further than this place. Up a few stairs to the Court of Men...a place where Jewish men and priests could go, but only priests could go further. Through a gate into the Priest's Court...a place for all Jewish priests, but the lesser priests could go no further. And finally through the veil, the Holy of Holies...a place for only the high priests and God.

Over the years, I've focused on the tearing of the veil during the Crucifixion of Christ. That spectaculor moment symbolizing that God would not be contained or isolated but would now occupy the human heart. Wow...still so precious to me. But knowing that there were all of these courts of separation, I was so blessed by how the life, death and resurrection of Christ also became the grand equalizer.

Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Can't you just see it? In addition to the tearing of the veil that kept the Holy of Holies closed off, the various, raised levels separating Jews and Gentiles, men and women, and priest and layman were collapsed. The tiered temple became a level place...all have equal access to Him and are equal in Him.

Oh man...what a visual. What a gift!!! Now to place our faith in alignment with His wide-open spaces of Grace. :)

Those Dry Bones

I have noticed a trend in the last two weeks...the number of times the story of the dry bones from Ezekiel has been mentioned in a variety of circles. Many times, referencing concerns for the current church at-large. It's seriously been quite unusual...so much so that it slapped me in the face to pay attention. :)

When you look at the church in America today, it's not difficult to see the "dry bones". (Note: I am looking at myself in the analysis as well.) Those ruled by appearances...putting forth the "show" to pretend to be someone they are not. Those ruled by legalism...putting forth the "rules" that would "earn" God's favor and often using their Belt of Truth to abuse others. Those ruled by self...seeking only what makes them happy and comfortable, all the while being "me-me-me" and "milk-dependent" rather than challenged to grow in maturity and servanthood. Those ruled by a gospel of sin management...living this life in constant remembrance of who they've been without seeing that His cross was also a gate to true freedom and to becoming who He made them to be in the first place. Those ruled by consumerism....seeking the perfect church of entertainment without any attention to the condition of their heart or the nature of true worship. Those ruled by performance or duty...working out a social gospel or gospel of doing without any focus on the personal relationship with Jesus.  Those ruled by offense...isolating themselves from community and permitting themselves a seat of judgment rather than forgiveness and healing. It goes on and on and on...

To me, it feels like all of heaven is groaning for Abba's children to come alive again...to be filled with His breath of life...to experience intimacy with Him that unleashes destiny...to allow His power and presence to be made manifest in their own hearts and in their realms of influence...the truest tales of the kingdom expressed today.

So...let's live in agreement with the prophesy..."Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may LIVE!" Because...there's MORE! There's MORE! There's MORE!!!

Living the Dream

My Ragamuffin friend sent me this link some time ago, and I've been coming back to it over the last few months. If you have the time, it's worth a viewing. Living a life of purpose, calling...dreams. :)

 * Have courage to share your story. The risks you fear in the telling are likely smaller than the beauty that comes...that is needed...in its telling.

 * Our dreams often come from our brokenness...those places where we've experienced hell and have risen up to say "Hell, no!" to evil. Look there!

 * Our dreams often come from glory too...those places where we find ourselves coming alive in the experience. Look there too!

 

Mr. Oak Tree

He wants to be my oak tree. Yes, please! :)

Lessons from the Little Man and Jesus

I did a teaching on Zacchaeus and Jesus on Sunday. I'll tell you...the love of Jesus is just rocking my socks off lately. So uncharacteristic of much of the church today, He was willing to shatter his reputation to "seek and save the lost". He pursued people...didn't wait for them to clean themselves up first. Some in the church today forget the beauty of grace and sharing His love. They choose to use the armor of God to abuse. Rather than making a way for the King to come, they beat people with their belt of truth or helmet of salvation or breastplate of righteousness...sigh. How sad...because those articles are meant for the defense of their own heart as they bring the beautiful "good news". There is so much more for us in living out His kingdom life.

Here are two clips I used. The first is Bill Johnson from Bethel Church. He raises such an interesting point...one that challenges us all to live bigger. The second is Annie Lobert from Hookers for Jesus. She pursues women trapped in prostitution and the sex trade because His love is worth way more than anything else. So beautiful.

 

Destiny

I'm loving spending time with Graham Cooke teachings lately. This one is changing my life. :)

Rise Up Into Your Destiny

The Nature of God

If you are looking for something to rest in...meditate in...try this! Let the kindness and goodness of God be with you just like Moses on the mountain when His glory passed by. :)

 

Stirring Up Trouble Again

Confessions of a Closet Egalitarian

Be The Light

The Blessing Of Partnership

What a powerful time with parents! We had our parent-teacher conferences this week and decided to meet with the parents of the seniors for a farewell meeting. We talked about the changes over the years, the strengths, the challenges, the victories... Oh wow! So powerful! It was so wonderful to celebrate with parents...with tons of tears...how much partnership between parents and teachers can really be a powerful thing in the life of a child. We had one dad comment..."It's been as good for me as it has been for my son." Seriously...that's from a dad who really engaged in community and partnership and grew himself!!!!!

Fantastic!! These are the days when I love my job. Hehe.

Hearing the Voice of God

What a powerful message on hearing God's voice...discerning His voice based on His identity. Love it. Graham Cooke is a great and encouraging teacher.

Hearing the Voice of God

Belonged Before They Believed

I just saw a clip of Bill Johnson's latest sermon. He made an interesting reference to something he heard once..."The disciples belonged before they believed."

Seriously...it's really a shocking statement when you consider how often the church tends to allow belonging AFTER belief. Not before though...that might taint things.

It makes me really appreciate the ministries and the people who open their arms to anyone...loving whomever...without the requirement of appearances or behavior for club membership. No, they offer community as a demonstration of the love and grace of Jesus without requiring belief as a prerequisite. That's so humble and so powerful...so free.

Something I want to shoot for in my relationships with others...

 

She's In Ministry...Uhoh.

I'm becoming a huge fan of the Junia Project. Here's an interesting blog.

When God Calls A Complementarian Woman Into Ministry

Luggage

Second Coming of the Pharisees?

Oh, legalists. Kids are one thing, but the adults???...Sigh. One of those moments to ask God to provide the substance of His love and grace...'cause I certainly am lacking enough to compensate.

And then I remember that I'm not perfect either. Oh dear. It's a good thing God is big enough for all of us.

He Gives The Love Itself

“Even as the angry vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him....Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness....And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives along with the command, the love itself.” - Corrie Ten Boom

This came across my Facebook news feed last night. It was such a good reminder of how God actually supplies with what we lack when it comes to loving and forgiving. God is so fully our Provider. (If you don't know Corrie Ten Boom's story, you should google her. She has the right to say such things.)  I've been trying to put this into practice. When I can't love and when I don't feel like forgiving, I can ask for Him to be the answer...to give me His heart.

God is so very good. 

Perceptions of Christianity

Food for thought for those that love Jesus...

 

God is Awesome! Judgmental People Suck!

Hehe...maybe worded a bit strongly, but I felt the picture captured my sentiment. ;) What a week!!! Oh my word! It could best be described as the "week of judgment".

To this day, I find it so insane how we, who call ourselves God's loved children, can be so unfathomably unloving.

The grandest of ironies really.

People loved by the God of grace...incapable of extending forgiveness and unmerited favor.

People cherished by the God of "neither Jew nor Gentile, slave nor free, male nor female"...distinguishing based on DNA, association, status...

Pawns more than powerhouses...  Pride, assumption, prejudice...

Why, God? Why???

Probably because satan is really good at his job...and humans are amazingly terrible at misplacing agreement with his lies.

The added frustration, I must admit, is that I picked up the attack and wore it for a while. Letting it completely knock the wind out of me. Permitting myself judgment in return. Viewing myself as isolated in the storm. Robbing myself of the security that comes from truly identifying one's self as Abba's child regardless of what comes. Sigh.

So...back to the drawing board. Standing for truth, extending grace...getting my own act together. Hehe...life never lacks for drama. ;)

Oh, How We Trust Resurrection MORE Than Grace...

"We find it easier to trust the miracle of resurrection than the miracle of grace. We so fear failure that we create the image of perfection, lest heaven be even more disappointed in us than we are. The result? The weariest people on earth.

Attempts at self-salvation guarantee nothing but exhaustion. We scamper and scurry, trying to please God, collecting merit badges and brownie points, and scowling at anyone who questions our accomplishments. Call us the church of hound-dog faces and slumped shoulders.

Stop it!...

God's promise has no hidden language. Let grace happen, for heaven's sake. No more performing for God, no more clamoring after God. Of all the things you must earn in life, God's unending affection is not one of them. You have it. Stretch yourself out in the hammock of grace. You can rest now."

From a Biblegateway devotional that my Uncle Tim sent me. Wonderful. :)

Keep On!!!

Real Strength

Here he is! :) I'm not going to embarrass him too much, but I have to comment on at least one thing!!! (OK...we all know it's one of many to come. Hehe.) You know where this picture is taken? At a wedding that I officiated this weekend.

Yep...this man actually encourages me in my calling, prays for me in my assignments and challenges, and stands with me!

You have no idea the blessing this is. I've dealt with men who have convictions about women in ministry (which I respect as some have respected mine), other men who found it intimidating, and still others who have been just plain cruel and critical...all summing up to a load of rejection over the years.

This man???...he's a "wild at heart" man. He has authentic strength and doesn't need me to be less for him to be more. Because of that, I feel like I can open my heart most fully and be my true self....and...yep, support him in his calling too.

Wow. Just Wow. :)

What Our Responses REALLY Say?

We reveal our true, heart-born understanding of redemption in our responses to others.

Truly...it's been a heck of a year of learning this. Some through the hardship of judgmental abandonment. Some through the celebration of community investment.

I've been bumping into it lately with a particular response to a typically happy situation. A happy situation!!! So bizarre! A few who cannot let someone's old story be just that...their OLD story. Instead of celebrating who God is and His profound redemptive work, they spew bitterness and flex their control muscles.

Makes me so sad...for them!!

I get the need for accountability and boundaries and all that...but WOW!! Given a good amount of time??...with demonstration of repentance and God's restorative work???

What healing have we not known ourselves that makes us incapable of extending grace? What freedom has been forgotten that we exchange God's lenses of love and potential for unforgiveness, gossip and pride? What makes us evaluate our own old stories as superior to another's, giving us a grand pedestal from which to point fingers?

Sad. So sad.

Good reminder for me...that's not how I want to behave anymore. Never, Ever Again.

And so...that said...CONGRATULATIONS!!! God's peace and blessing be on those who get back up after a fall and find themselves fuller and freer than before!

Yep, He's a Keeper

I just had to survive a winter camping trip with my high schoolers. If you know me...ya, not my cup of tea. Haha! It was great fun though!!! We had to alter the plans when the -20 degree temps were paired with serious winds, but the times we were out were fabulous!!

That said...my man-friend was one of the chaperones. So awesome...he's an expert at pretty much everything, including survival...but I was a little freaked at times about how my survival appearance must have looked. I'm guessing words like "horrific" and "nightmare" flooded his mind with background sounds from Psycho. Hehe. Some girls struggle with feeling insecure in those situations, and I definitely had moments.

When he was dropping me off at home last night, we talked about how this was a good experience for us, seeing each other in tough situations. I made a reference to my crazy appearance...he commented that he has now seen me with frozen snot-cicles, rooster hairs in every direction and eating skills like someone who's "challenged"...and that he loves me even more.

HAHAHAHA! Yep, he's a keeper. ;)

Letting Go...

There come moments in our lives when it's time to "let go of Egypt". The Israelites, while wandering in the desert, always found themselves longing for the good old days of slavery in Egypt whenever challenges came their way. That inability to release the old kept them stalled for 40 years. Dry, desert-living...the Promised Land out of reach.

It's so interesting, isn't it???...how seasons of dysfunction and slavery seem so much safer and familiar than the unknowns of "new". We lose a ton of authentic living to those "Egypts" in our lives. Missed opportunities, blessings, lessons...

Then the Hero comes... Jesus invades to invite us to new, open doors...all the while offering to close the doors on "Egypt". He introduces the possibility of walking forward without looking back.

Letting go can be very painful...but it's so worth it. YOU are worth it!

So long, Egypt!! :)

Theology Evaluation

How true!!!! I stumbled across this quote on Facebook today. It was posted by Bethel Church in Redding, CA. So many Christians will "agree" with this statement..."of course, love is the point!"...but when it comes to the "action" of their lives..."how about homosexuals? how about muslims?"...well, love goes right out the door.

I heard a sermon recently that challenged us to use the armor of God appropriately. That belt of truth and that breastplate of righteousness, they are defensive in nature. For the wearer!!!...to guard their own heart. They aren't designed to be removed and used offensively. Boy, does that have me thinking lately.

We need to evaluate!!! More love, more wisdom...action from the place of intimacy with the Trinity.

Time to evaluate.

Still Obsessing about God's "Now"

The awesome thing about embracing God's "Now" and waiting until He says it's time...as opposed to being shackled to our need for instant gratification...is that we embrace a blessing of quality and value instead of safety and smallness. Here's to daring to live in and out of His perspective!! Much, much better! 

Time for a Change

It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning...how much my job feels like I'm fighting against more than for. I concede that there is the possibility that frustration is tainting my perspective, and I plan to pray about that. But, the war that seems so unnecessarily waged is one that is forcing the question of my authentic calling. Maybe this isn't my battle to fight...and if not, what is?

What's the battle, you ask? Standing against something I bump into constantly in the evangelical church...the legalistic, appearance-driven, poser mentality. Let me tell you...it is so very strong...and ACCEPTED...because all the right-looking behavior meets the "rules" of their faith. Unfortunately, it takes a ton of pride, shame and people-eating to maintain.

There are people who are called to actively fight that mentality. I'm just not sure I'm one of them anymore.

Why???

I want to fight for something. I want to stand for being a real Abba's child, experiencing intimacy with the Trinity, and bringing real and true kingdom life to this reality. Bringing heaven to earth!!! Relationship and mission...in the context of being able to be REAL, which, while exposing struggle, means we also can experience the unleashing of original glory. No manufacturing, no manipulating...no "club".

I seriously think I need a better outlet. What might that be??...maybe I want to work more actively in the realm of the non-denominational church. Seriously praying about a change.

Live in God's "Now"

I'm so aware of the implications of our choice to live in this "now" or in God's. Accessing God's presence and living in the realities of His kingdom life and purposes frees us from the desperation that comes from a life defined solely by the molecules and moments of which we are aware.

I look at my own history and see how my surrendering of my unmet needs to the lesser reality put me in a position of having to manufacture and manipulate to try to achieve whatever "wholeness" I was looking for. Desperation not peace. Hurry and stress not patience. A life very much ruled by the "poser" self...far too limited by diminished perspective. 

Something beautiful happens when we can release our needs to God's "now". He can finally be the true answer to those unmet places...and He can open the floodgates of blessing in His right timing. The blessings might come in different packages or timings than we thought appropriate, but when they come...oh yes, they'll have been well worth the wait. 

Live in God's "Now"...yep, a good reminder to start each day in His reality.